Advice, Dating Online Personals

Age Difference is Just a State of Mind, Right?

Are you a man who is thinking of striking up long term relationship with a woman who is more than 15 years younger than you? Since the beginning of time, men have been attracted to young, nubile women. Mother Nature dictates that men of any age will feel an urge to seek out a fertile vessel in which to plant his seed. At middle age, women view Mother Nature as rather mean in this regard. “May-December” romances are judged harshly by women above the age of 45. The criticism of your mother, ex-wife, daughters, aunts, and female cousins and friends will come your way the moment you make your plans public.

You will hear references to “gold diggers,” and “horny old fools,” more frequently than you have ever heard them before. If you are fortunate enough not to hear these comments, don’t dupe yourself into thinking these things are not being said about you, because they are. You may become so single-minded in defending yourself that you fail to consider the more significant aspects of marrying outside your own generation. How others judge your relationship is much less important than the personal issues you may be wrestling as you consider what your life will be like with someone who was born in a different time.

Will you be able to find things in common with your young love? Will her tastes and sensibilities vary greatly from your own? Will she still be interested in you when you begin to age more rapidly than she? Will the two of you be able to agree on whether or not to have children? Will you be able to keep up with her? Why is she interested in you?

There are currently four generations of adults of marrying age on planet Earth. Each generation has its own distinct values system. Although individuals may vary in their level of maturity, the generation to which a person belongs has a strong influence on how s/he will view the world. The world view of each generation is generally shaped by the major societal events that impacted the generation.

Traditionalists were born between 1922 and 1942. The Great Depression, World War II, and Pearl Harbor were defining events in their life. As a generation they tend to value hard work, loyalty, patriotism, law and order, and respect for authority. They were taught to respect their elders, and may still embrace the philosophy that “Father knows best.”

Baby Boomers are those who were born between 1943 and 1960. Defining events that shaped Boomer values included the advent of television, the Civil Rights Movement, Vietnam, street drugs, and the birth control pill. Currently, Boomer tend to value health and wellness, prosperity, personal growth, individual freedom, and community involvement.

Generation X-ers were born between 1960 and 1980. Watergate, Tiananmen Square, the fall of the Berlin Wall, Dessert Storm, and the invention of personal computers served as defining events for this generation. They tend to value diversity, rapid change, global thinking, shared responsibility, and pragmatism. They are the “Just do it!” generation.

Generation whY is comprised of those born after 1980. Defining events impacting this generation include 9/11, the Iraq War, the end of busing, the end of Apartheid, school violence, multiculturalism, and TV talk and reality shows. They value civic duty, achievement, self-sufficiency, and diversity, and they like to “say it and play it loud.”

A person’s values system is deeply engrained and not easily changed by others. Do give ample consideration to your basic values system and world view when selecting a mate. Give their world view consideration as well. Can you live compatibly with someone who may see the world much differently than you?

Communication challenges sometimes occur between people of different generations. Since you have different points of reference and comparison, it may be difficult to relate meaningfully to someone who has little to no knowledge of the defining events of your life. Are you willing to interject short history lessons into casual conversation to make yourself understood by your young mate? Are you willing to be educated about issues that are currently important to your new love although you may have outgrown your interest for these topics years ago?

Another consideration has to do with life experience. The longer we live, the more life experience we accumulate. It is from our experience that we learn and grow mentally, physically, and spiritually. It is expected that the older you become, the wiser you should become. Wisdom results from synthesizing life experience into life lessons, and is sometimes misinterpreted by the young. They feel that older adults are simply “stuck in their ways,” and closed minded, rather than to believe that mature individuals have come to realize and appreciate the universal truths that are unwavering over time. Are you willing to have your wisdom challenged by someone who has not yet had the opportunity to grow wise?

Much as men have an attraction to beautiful young women, women have an attraction to motherhood. Although today’s women of child bearing age may wish to delay having children until they are in their mid-thirties, the inclination to be a mother surfaces eventually. The loud ticking of the biological clock is a sound that is hard for most women to ignore. If your young bride should decide that she would like to have children, will you be ready to tackle sleepless nights and potty training at your current stage of life?

Living with someone younger than yourself, whether it be a new love interest, or your teen-something to twenty-something children, will serve as a constant reminder of how old you are. Their physical vitality, energy level, taste in music, fashion, movies, literature, and recreational pursuits may contrast with your own. Some believe that being with younger people will keep you young, and indeed it may, but do give some consideration to how your life will change if you decide to adopt the tastes and sensibilities of someone from another generation.

The aging process has been compared to a snowball rolling downhill. The farther it rolls, the faster it rolls. The physical aging of the human body begins to accelerate over age 50. First little things start to surface like facial wrinkles, gray hair, indigestion, insomnia, or minor aches and pains. Then more alarming changes occur like short memory lapses, the need for dietary changes, and the need for minor surgeries such as gall bladder removal, or joint repair. This stage often progresses to more major health concerns such as heart health issues, blood pressure problems, prostrate enlargement, and risk of serious, long term illnesses.

Although it is easy to dismiss aging issues while you still feel energetic and vital, they do deserve some consideration in the context of a long term relationship. Will your young mate be willing to alter their lifestyle to accommodate your physical needs as you grow older? Will she still find you desirable and attractive? Will your mate be willing to care for you if you need assistance as you age?

There are a number of reasons that you might want to select a younger mate. She may be physically attractive, and her presence may rejuvenate you. You will be the envy of your male friends, relatives, and business associates. She can give you a fresh start in life, including a new family if you choose to have children. She will extend you genuine admiration, and try hard to please you. All of these things might be quite alluring to you. The question that remains, however, is, “Why does she want to be involved with you?”

Young women may be attracted to older men because they represent a father figure, because they are financially secure, or because of the societal status they can attain by entering into such a partnership. While all of these reasons are legitimate, they may not all lend themselves to a loving, long term union. Women who are looking for a father figure may outgrow this need as they mature. Financial security and social status are transferable commodities once they have been acquired. In other words, women can take these things with them after they leave the relationship. It is essential to thoroughly explore a young woman’s expectations and intentions before committing to her.

Do remember that young women are rather susceptible to influence from others. Once your young friend is introduced to your family and social circle, she will learn more about you, and your past than you may wish her to know. Since your May-December romance might be met with disapproval and jealousy by others, those who are appalled by your choice of a mate could be willing to work hard to influence her thinking. It is difficult to believe that others who purport to care about you would try to sabotage your newfound happiness, but do be on the look out for this sort of interference.

There are many happy couples around the globe that will tell you that age is just a number, and that a decade, or two, or even three of age difference between soul mates is not a crucial challenge to their relationship. Love is blind to all things, and strong relationships do conquer all obstacles. There is also something to be said for living an examined life. Do take a moment to ponder the issues presented, and make an informed decision, not an impulsive one, when deciding if a younger woman is right for you.