Advice, Dating Online Personals

Meeting Your New Love for the First Time

Fostering love on the Internet is an arduous process. You exchange emails, IM’s, pictures and poetry. You send videotapes, and buy a web cam so you can see one another as you speak. You spend money on a long distance plan that accommodates unlimited calls across the miles, but you still can’t touch her. A time comes in every long distance relationship when the parties involved just can’t wait another minute to greet each other face to face.

Before you plunk down some cash for a plane ticket and jump on the next flight out, there is some planning to be done. Surprise visits are generally not a good idea, since your romantic gesture could be misinterpreted as a spying mission. You may find that your new love is dismayed because she can’t arrange her schedule to visit with you, or perhaps because she hasn’t told people about you yet. A delightful surprise can turn into a bitter disappointment in the blink of an eye. Your first meeting should be as perfect as possible, and it can be if you plan carefully before getting together.

First, decide who will host the visit, you, the special lady, or neither of you. There are several considerations when determining the location of the visit. Does one of you have obligations or responsibilities that require regular attention? The person who is most needed at home may want to host the visit and devote time to both their responsibilities and their visitor.

If neither of you has a reason to stay at home, you may consider meeting in a neutral location such as a popular vacation spot, or a halfway point between your two homes. This arrangement will let both of you to experience a new place together while getting to know one another better, and might create a more romantic setting than either of you could provide in your home location.

If one of you lives in a spot of particular interest to the other, it may work well to invite the other person to come and visit you so that they can take their vacation in a spot where you can serve as a competent tour guide. First meetings are sometimes awkward, so choose a setting that provides fun environment for both of you. An intriguing location will allow you to focus on something other than the burning question, “Do we really like each other?”

Once the location and date for the meeting has been set through mutual agreement, there are details to plan. Who will pay for the trip? Will the person with the greatest means pick up the tab? Will each person pay their own way? Will the person who is hosting treat the visitor to everything but airfare? Who will make the reservations? The decision as to who is to pay for such a rendezvous varies from one culture to another. Even yet today many cultures feel that it is always the man’s responsibility to pay for everything, while in other cultures it would be thought an insult to offer to pay if you were someone’s guest. Discuss the norms in the culture being visited before making assumptions about who should foot the bill.

The next big question that usually surfaces has to do with sleeping arrangements. Spare yourself the agony of this discussion and propose separate sleeping quarters. Not only is this the gentlemanly approach to such a situation, but it will give you a place to be if you need some alone time, or if the meeting isn’t as pleasant as planned.

Even though your long distance relationship has been fun and exciting, the two of you have not as yet experienced one another’s physical chemistry. Both men and women emit a something called Pheromones, which are naturally occurring substances the fertile body excretes externally, conveying an airborne message meant to trigger a response from the opposite sex. Pheromones are experienced in the scent, taste, sound, sight and movement of another person. When a couple’s pheromones are compatible they will feel a physical spark ignite, but when they are incompatible they may well feel repelled by the other person. It would not be much fun to be confined to a room with someone for a week or more if you find you are not attracted to them.

There is no rule that says you can’t combine living quarters at some point during your visit, unless there is a cultural taboo that prevents one of you from cohabitating with someone to whom you are not married. Be sure to ask about this while making your plans.

The next thing to decide is what kinds of things you will enjoy doing together during the visit. It is suggested that you loosely structure your schedule of activities. Plan one or two things the two of you might enjoy doing each day. Allow for some time apart, as well as time together. Both men and women will want time to ponder the experience they are having, have time to contact friends or family, or attend to work or home responsibilities.

Be sure that you have inquired about the cuisine and dietary preferences of your guest before selecting the restaurants where you will dine, and inquire as to whether they would rather dine where alcohol is served, or if they prefer an alcohol-free environment. If you plan to cook for your guest, ask if there are food allergies or dietary restrictions or traditions that you must follow when preparing meals.

Does your new love interest attend worship services regularly, or make special observances on Holy days? Ask if she will need to attend religious services or observe spiritual rituals while you are together. If so, you will need to include this in your plans and find an appropriate location where her religious needs can be accommodated.

Will each of you journey to your meeting place alone, or is someone else planning to come along? In some cultures women never travel alone and must be accompanied by a chaperone or family member. If your guest is a mother, is it okay if she brings her children? If so, plans may need to be made for child care, and the children’s needs will have to be accommodated in your plans.

If one of you travels to the home of the other will you spend your time together alone, or will the visitor be expected to attend family gatherings and meet friends during the visit? Be sure that this is specified so that each party knows what to expect.

Do the two of you share a liking for similar activities, or are your interests diverse? If you want to go mountain climbing, while she wants to rest on a sunny beach, you may have to reconcile these differences. If she wants to shop until she drops and you avoid malls like the plague, you might want to set aside shopping time for her, while you scale a rock wall. Don’t rule out doing something that is new to both so that you can learn the activity together. Perhaps parasailing, snorkeling or kayaking is something you have both always wanted to try. Schedule a session of one of these things, and if it goes well, leave time open to try another. Discuss any physical limitations either of you might have that would prohibit you from engaging in specific activities ahead of time, so that plans don’t have to be changed upon discovering the information.

Find out what kind of music and entertainment your date will enjoy. Is an evening of clubbing in order, or will a date for the symphony be more to her liking? Do both of you dance, or is attending a play more interesting to you? Will you have one big event that you plan to attend, or will you do a number of small things together like walking in the park, or having a swim in the hotel pool?

Finally, discuss the kind of wardrobe to pack when planning for the trip. Will you be attending a formal event, or the entire visit going to be conducted wearing casual attire? This seems like a small thing, but it can cause embarrassment if one of you plans to dress to impress, and the other brings only jeans and t-shirts on the trip. Is there special clothing or equipment that you will need to bring such as golf shoes, a warm coat or swimwear?

When the big day finally arrives, and you and your distant friend meet for the first time a brief hug, and a kiss on the cheek is a relatively safe greeting to bestow. You will want to inquire as to how the trip was, and offer to find a restroom where she can freshen up before riding to the final destination. It goes without saying that you will not want to arrive at the airport empty handed. A gift of flowers, candy or jewelry is pleasing to most women.

You will also need to inquire as to whether your guest is hungry, or tired, and wants to time to rest, or needs to eat soon. In short, you will want to address any physical need that would distract from the two of you concentrating fully on one another. When first arriving from traveling a long distance, most people will want to see their sleeping quarters, and have a chance to unpack before launching into a schedule of activities, so the next part of your day will be spent showing your date to her room, and allowing her some privacy so that she may settle in.

If you and your date hit it off immediately there will be little need to proceed cautiously from this point hence. Just do what comes naturally. Keep all of your well laid plans, or abandon them entirely in favor of being alone together.

If your plans get off to a bumpy start, you will want to take time to regroup. Find a quiet place where the two of you can talk in an uninterrupted manner and see if you can discover the source of discomfort that is affecting the two of you. It may be something as simple as shyness, or as complicated as a fear that has been triggered in one of you. Remember there are many terrifying tales about people who have met after an Internet introduction only to find that they are in the presence of a criminal. The person who has traveled on faith alone to a remote location may be feeling apprehensive about their own safety.

Since both of you has been looking forward to the visit, it is likely that you will both be on your best behavior, and will be most attentive to the needs of the other person, so everything should go quite well. Occasionally however, one party will experience culture shock, or exhibit some aversion to the other person. If this unplanned event occurs, it is okay to suggest that each of you go your separate ways and spend the remainder of the vacation in the company of others.

A first meeting is the time to explore one another emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and perhaps even physically. None of this exploration should be forced, but allowed to emerge as circumstances and nature dictates. The less pressure you apply to yourself or the other person, the more open you will be with one another. The more relaxed each of you is, the more you will freely reveal of yourselves to one another.

Remember that the purpose of your first meeting with your potential soul mate is to find out if you are compatible with one another, to discover if there is chemistry between the two of you, and to see if the seeds of your relationship will grow. There is no urgency to make a long term commitment, or to decide once and for all if this is the person you have been dreaming of. Get to know one another, and experience the other person for all that they are. Keep an open mind and let yourself learn new things about her and yourself as well.

Once the visit is over and the two of you have returned to your homes you will have lots of time to consider what your next step might be. Strive to make your first impression a lasting one, put your best food forward, and abandon your inhibitions to fully enjoy your first meeting. You may find you will want to remember it for the rest of your life.