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Fantasy vs. Logical Relationship
More than any other environment, it is critically important to leave your rose-colored glasses off when using the online dating environment. As you scroll through the hundreds of gorgeous profiles on the online dating sites, it’s hard not to get caught up in the fantasy, or even logic of it all. The profiles have the most flattering picture to draw you in. The write up reads well and before you know it you are communicating with your dream gal: Tall, curvaceous, blonde likes live music, outdoors and cooking. Sounds like the perfect girl? She just might be if you like acoustic and Celtic music and meditating outdoors. And her height – she’s the tallest one in her entire family, standing at a whopping 5’5 which makes her curves outwardly curvy. How one writes their profile is not always how it is interpreted. A lot of the information, especially descriptive information is relative to the person writing it and the person reading it.
In order to break through the fantasy of the profile you must use logic. Read the profile in full, several times. Make sure everything adds up. Do they say they love to travel, yet their posted annual income is less than $25,000? Yes, it’s possible they do travel on a tight budget, but realistically their “travel” might consist of exploring a new county within the state - which technically is considered travel.
If you find something within the profile that doesn’t add up, don’t be afraid to ask them about it. In the example of the travel, you could ask when the last time they traveled was and where they went. Questioning in this manner is more of a conversation and they won’t realize that you are actually cross checking their reality with their profile. If you ask them in a more blunt and upfront manner, chances are they will go on the defensive and that’s not a good starting basis.
Just as you find the fantasy v. reality while you are looking through other people’s profiles, it’s just as important to make sure your profile doesn’t have the fantasy factor too heavily played. While it is important to use your best photos and have a well written profile, you do not want to go overboard and exaggerate areas. Yes, your profile is an advertisement to market yourself, but you aren’t looking for a quick sell, you are looking for a long-term investor.
To keep the fantasy from taking over, keep the communication open. Ask questions, clarify the answers. Make sure what you are being told is what you understand. If you don’t clarify, you will only start to make your own conclusions which leads to fantasy, which eventually could lead to some pretty hefty disappointment when faced with the reality.
One Response to “Fantasy vs. Logical Relationship”
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August 17th, 2007 at 6:02 pm
I met this guy on line and we hit of great. We exchanged numbers and everything, even though I didn’t want to,at first. Because of what happened in the past. We have been talking for about 5 months to be exact, although we have yet to see each other. I sort of give him hints that I want to see him but I made sure I never pushed it. He knew my history and he knew what I wanted in a relationsip and yet, I still didn’t tell him everything. And I sent him plenty of pictures, which he really liked. I thought I was doing everything right, until our last conversation I had with him, which ended in, “Okay, sweetheat talk to you later” and usually he’ll call or IM me on line. But he has yet to call or IM me and it’s been a month. I don’t know what I did. I even gave him some space, because I wasn’t to sure if we were still talking. When I came back from my trip, I emailed him. I didn’t through myself at him or cursed at him or bite his head off and yet, still no responds. When we first started talking he told me “I could call him anytime, I want” and even then I still didn’t over do it. But since he hasn’t connected me. I don’t know if I should call him or just leave him be. I was not banking on him to become my boyfriend, because of past experiences and I knew we were going to fade out sooner or later. But I always thought that I would see him first and then he’ll decide if he wanted to continue on communicating. And if he decides to continue communicating after he sees me, then I could truly get to know him as friends and nothing more then just friends. So, what did I do wrong?