Advice, Dating Online Personals

Effective communication between women and men is by far one of the most critical elements of a successful relationship. Miscommunication or lack of communication, are the cause of many arguments and misunderstandings it seems. Every effort should be made to effectively communicate with each other, as it results in mutual understanding, which nurtures successful, happy relationships. There are several ways in which we can effectively communicate with our significant other, so that a relationship stays happy.

First, we should consider basic verbal communication. So often, people in relationships tend to neglect communicating with each other enough about meaningful things and in a timely fashion. For instance, have you ever been waiting for someone and they don’t show up for almost an hour or not at all? In a situation like this, where a person is late, they should call and let the other person know that they are running late. Communication like this is a simple sign of respect for the other person’s time and prevents the person who is waiting from becoming worried or angry. It is basic communication like this, which keep a relationship healthy. Calling in a timely fashion when running late is a simple thing that a man and woman can do for each other to maintain and nurture their relationship. It is not a matter of control of each other’s time but rather respect for it.

Another item of great importance is being a person of your word. When a man or woman communicate that to the other that they are going to do something for the other, they should do it, or at least communicate why they can’t. This is again a sign of respecting each other, rather than a matter of being rigid and overly structured in your plans. By being a person of your word, you gain respect and also you deepen the loving relationship that you have. Is gives a sort of peace and contentment knowing that a person is someone who follows through on their commitments with you.

Miscommunication is a huge issue with a lot of people in relationships. One person says something and the other person takes it wrong or may not even listen to what the other person is saying. Understanding each other’s communication styles is a skill, which may be acquired quickly, slowly or not at all. One minute you might feel like you understand and communicate so well together and the next minute you may think you are both from other planets. Assessing where you stand with your communication skills as a couple, is something worth thinking about before you become overly serious in the relationship. You don’t want to wake up one day and discover that you have married someone who you can’t communicate effectively.

Finally, just remember that a man and woman have different styles of communicate just as they have different ways of expressing love. When in a relationship, try to be patient and understanding toward each other as you discover the differences in which you communicate and love. No two people should be the same and they are not, but there should be a nice balance of similarities and differences, which compose a meaningful and happy relationship.

If you were asked what love is… what would you say? Your answer to this question would most likely depend on who you are and what experiences you have had with love. Love is one of those topics that either brings negative or positive responses from people and yet it is very often a central part of many people’s lives. Love can bring a lot of pleasure and pain, yet it is something we should try to embrace so that we can experience life more fully. In the context of a loving relationship, there are certain key elements that come to mind.

Often love makes a person think of so many things such as companionship, dating, romance, marriage, children etc. Overall though, the important thing seems to be that we have an opportunity in this lifetime to love and be loved. It may sound like a fairly basic need or want but very often it is hard to achieve. Children grow up and start dating and the search commences to experience and share the all encompassing feeling called love.

As children, a lot of our perceptions of love are first established in the relationships that we have with our parents, our siblings and our friends. We develop male and female role models in our lives, either consciously or unconsciously and our perceptions of love take shape in ways that we may not even understand ourselves. As we grow into adults, these perceptions of love start to surface and get expressed in all different contexts with all kinds of people, in particular, in the relationship that we have with our significant other. Very often, the love that we know is the love that we give.

A person’s perception of love is a delicate combination of how they were raised along with the personal experiences that they have had in their life with love. If a person were able to learn from their negative love experiences and focus on their positive ones, people would be much happier. Too often people carry emotional hurt resulting from past love issues with them and project this negativity into their present relationship and this results in a lot of unhappiness. Sometimes hurtful or painful experiences just need to be properly acknowledged and understood in order for a person to effectively move past them in a positive way.

So, after all is this is said, what is love? Well, love is in the eyes, heart and mind of the beholder. It is that mystical and powerful emotion that brings people together and also draws people apart. To love is to stop and reflect on the people and things that mean the most to us. We need to sometimes pause and take the time to discover and understand other people’s views on love so that we can better understand all that love encompasses.

Does your partner have trouble saying I love you? Many men have trouble with the whole concept. The interesting thing about this, however, is that different types of men see love in different ways. A woman has to listen to not only what a man says (or doesn’t say) but what kind of man is saying it.

For most men, saying the three special words “I Love You” is like baring their entire souls. They feel that they are giving power to the woman and men hate to have their power taken. To men, power, especially external power, is their survival mechanism. This is, undoubtedly, a primitive instinct in men, coming from thousands of years of being in a hunter/gatherer role.

There is a sense of permanency in a man, as well. When they say, I love you, they mean it for life. This is part of a man’s view of the world. Men see the world as a place to build strong foundations for them and a family. That provider instinct makes them want to commit only if it seems permanent to them. And, that is a big leap of trust. In fact, though we hear that women have trust issues after being hurt a lot by men, men actually have very deep-rooted trust issues. In our world built on male competition, the idea of trusting any creature is somewhat foreign to a man’s nature. Thus, saying I Love You and exposing their vulnerability is something that most men will find extremely hard to do.

Another interesting characteristic of men is that, though many can’t and don’t say, I Love You; they think that their partner understands that fact. They believe that love should just be known. Women, on the other hand, need to be reassured. This creates an interesting dynamic between men and women. Men have trouble expressing love and feel that it is understood, even when not vocalized. Women need to be reassured, not just by actions but by words.

So, if women are dating men or dealing with their husbands, they should understand that they have communication issues with love. Try to be more understanding of the psychology of men and encourage the man in your life to try to express his love, verbally and otherwise. This can help you get what you need from your marriage or relationship. And, if you are dating, ladies, use this knowledge to help find the kind of man who can really love you.

Have you ever expressed your love to someone and waited patiently for him or her to express it back?  If so, you are not alone.  Many of us get caught up in thinking that everyone expresses love in the same ways and at the same times and when that does not happen, we find ourselves disappointed.  The secret to understanding love better is to acknowledge that there are various languages of love, which are used to express it.  In fact, no two people express love in exactly the same ways, and this creates a variety of loving gestures and expressions in a relationship.

First we need to be honest with ourselves and understand that men and women express love differently and at different times.  For example, a woman might prepare a romantic dinner for her boyfriend on Valentine’s Day and when he arrives, he might greet her lovingly.  She might expect him to bring her flowers, chocolates, wine or maybe jewelry and he might not have done any of these things.  Instead, he might give her a card with a gift certificate inside or maybe plan a weekend away with her sometime.  The important thing to note in this situation is that both the man and the woman are expressing their love for each other, but in different ways, which are unique to them. Love gets expressed by both people, but in different mediums.  We need to be open to these differences of expression, in order to embrace love properly and not get caught up in the details of who did what, when and how. 

Body language is likely the most popular way in which love gets expressed.  Unfortunately in many cases it is the only way that love gets expressed.  In those cases, one might ask themselves if sexuality alone is enough to compose love.  The answer to this question may vary, depending on your perspective on what a loving relationship is.
Everyone’s needs or wants in a relationship differ and the important thing is to find yourself with a person who shares the same perspective on this as you.  Unhappiness results when one person wants love to be expressed on many levels while the other is content with only one level of expression and perhaps outside the realm of love even.

Finally, the key is to keep an open mind when you are in a loving relationship with a person.  You should try not to place restrictions on the mediums in which love can be expressed between the two of you.  Love after all takes so many interesting, creative and exciting forms. We need to be open to the different languages of love and embrace all the goodness and joy that can result from it. 

Imagine that love and all the unique expressions of it are like a bouquet of flowers, and each flower is an expression of love.  To truly feel the warmth and radiance of love it should be embraced in all dimensions with a receptive heart and mind.

The Internet has done more to bring people of different cultures together than any means previously available to the citizens of Earth. The Net gives us the impression that the world is shrinking, yet it isn’t. There may still thousands of miles to travel to meet your new acquaintance face to face. As air travel grows ever more expensive and difficult, one might want to make absolutely sure that the trip is going to be worth the effort before traversing the globe to get to know someone a bit better.

Instant messaging and emailing your way to true romance is a challenging endeavor. In the good old days you could tell something about another person while listening to their voice on the telephone, or looking deep into their eyes over coffee. In the world of Internet romance, you may get to have an occasional telephone conversation, or exchange pictures of yourselves with one another, but building a lasting bond on a computer keyboard is close to impossible.

The process of Internet romance is further complicated if there are language differences between you and your new love interest, or if time zones prohibit you from chatting frequently with one another. You and your new friend may find that you need to acquire a few new tools to get to know each other well enough to make a visit worthwhile. Both a web camera and a video camera are a great help in better understanding who another person really is, and what their life is like. Berlitz language learning software, and online translation guides are also useful to decipher what each of you is trying to say to the other.

A webcam will allow you to see one another as you converse. Facial expressions, body language, and cadence, tone, and volume of speech can give you a good deal of insight into what someone means to say, and provide clues as to how that person is feeling. A video camera is useful to record your daily life so that the other person can see what your home and workplace look like. You can introduce them to your friends and family via video, and they will be able to see where you hang out. You can tape your holiday celebrations, your pets or children doing cute things, or your irritating neighbor doing aggravating things, and send them along to your new friend to help cultivate a better understanding of the things you talk to her about. Narrate the video as you make it by saying short phrases like, “My dog Spot,” or “My apartment balcony.” Using simple sentences will help teach your friend your language while showcasing your life.

Berlitz tapes will help you learn the other person’s language, and they yours. When you are both simultaneously learning the language of the other person you will find that your communication challenges fade more quickly than if just one of you is trying to speak the other’s tongue. Translation websites will convert your typed message from your language to that of the other person. There are some problems with these sites, however, in that they make very literal translations, and don’t accommodate regional dialects. You may find you have said something you never intended to say when the translation misinterprets your language usage.

Whether talking with or writing to someone whose primary language is not the same as yours, avoid clichés, colloquialisms, slang, complex sentences, obscure words, and sarcasm. None of these are easy to translate, and are considered to be advanced language skills. Stick to basic language when communicating with someone who is having difficulty understanding you.

For some strange reason, it is common for people to speak louder when communicating with someone who is having trouble comprehending them. This sends the wrong message to the other person. You will sound angry, patronizing, impatient or rude if you use this strategy as an attempt to clarify your message. Speak clearly, slowly, and in low voice tones to help the other person hear each word you say distinctly.

When you cannot understand the other person because their use of English is broken, or heavily accented, ask them to repeat the word you cannot understand. If you still can’t understand the word after three tries, ask them to repeat the full sentence again using another word with a similar meaning. Never pretend to understand when you do not, and ask the other person to be honest with you in saying when they do and do not understand you. Pretending can have dire consequences, lead to grave misinterpretations, and evoke commitments to things that you never intended to commit to.

When you are getting to know someone for who English is a second language, let your feelings show in your facial expressions. Smile, frowns, tears and giggles are hard to misinterpret. On the other hand, gestures are easy to misinterpret. Many gestures have culturally specific meanings, and can send exactly the opposite message you intended to send. Keep gestures to a minimum unless you are using a commonly understood gesture like waving hello or goodbye.

Be aware of the fact that different cultures tend to place their words in different contexts. Context refers to how much you have to know before a conversation begins, and how much knowledge is shared during conversation. There are both low and high context cultures, and some cultures such as the culture of the United States, has a mix of both, depending on the region of the country that you visit, and the heritage of the people you are speaking with.

High Context Cultures

• Use fewer words to convey meaning, much is implied
• May exclude outsiders in subtle or direct ways
• May communicate in neutral or non-emotional ways
• May ascribe status (as opposed to achieving it)
• Speakers direct themselves from the inside
• Speakers tend to be high consideration and avoid interrupting
• May use longer pauses in conversation
• May avoid direct or immediate confrontation during conflict
• History, tradition & inside jokes to give meaning to conversation
• Use analysis and diffuse connection methods to process information
• Examples are the French, Japanese, Native Americans, & Scandinavians
• Use universal concepts as opposed to specific ones to guide thinking

Low Context Cultures

• Use lots of words to convey meaning, much is specified
• Include strangers by filling them in on everything
• Tend to express emotion while conversing
• May feel status is achieved, not ascribed
• May “go with the flow” of conversation instead of following internals
• Speakers tend to be high involvement & engage in overlapping speech
• May engage immediately & directly in confrontations during conflict
• Involve all in rule making & have few initial structures/traditions
• Use specifying & synthesizing methods to process information
• Examples are Americans, Southern Europeans, Africans, & South Americans
• Use particular and specific concepts & models to guide thinking

If possible, try to vary your context to match the contextual usage of the person with whom you are attempting to communicate to increase the chances that your message will be understood.

Symbols, pictures, objects, body language, and commonly understood gestures can all be used to further clarify your meaning. You may even consider learning sign language, which is universal, to communicate with one another.

Seek out others in your own community who speak the same language as your new friend, and ask for their assistance in helping you to communicate with your far off friend. This is a way that you can learn about both the culture and language of your special person. Most immigrants are eager to share tales of their home country.

Learning to communicate with another across language barriers is a loving gesture that will provide proof of your honorable intentions to your prospective soul mate. Once the two of you feel you can communicate well enough to get to know one another on a deeper level, a visit may be in order.

Touch is another form of communication that can help advance a relationship. Hugs, hand holding, and cuddling will give you clues as to how another person is feeling and what they are thinking as well. The body language of love is fairly universal, and often speaks much louder and clearer than words.

Communicating across languages and cultures is a life enhancing experience that will help you and your friend to be more intelligent and feel more intelligent. Others will admire you for your bi-lingual abilities, and knowing how to speak more than one language may provide both personal and professional opportunities for you than were previously beyond your reach. Don’t let a small think like linguistics keep you from getting to know someone who may turn out to be the love of your life.