Advice, Dating Online Personals

Sometimes we attempt to overlook the obvious signs that a relationship has gone sour because we don’t want to admit it. This can be for many different reasons that range from being in a comfort zone to not wanting to admit failure. Other reasons may be that the couple truly cares for one another, but there is just something that makes the relationship unable to work. Whatever the reasons may be, you need to learn to recognize the signs so that you can avoid as much discomfort as possible when the two of you walk away. Delaying the inevitable is only going to make things more difficult.

One of the most obvious signs that a relationship is over is the desire to spend less time apart. The couple may begin spending more time with family and friends alone rather than with their dating partner. Of course, if this is something you have done throughout the relationship, this may be less obvious and more difficult to detect. However, you should be able to detect other signs such as staying out later on these outings than in the past or not calling to let your partner know you have returned. You may also choose to call just so your partner doesn’t worry but not spend time to discuss the events of the day as you once did. These outings may also increase in frequency as the relationship continues to decline.

As your relationship declines, you may find you are spending less time on the telephone. When you leave a message, your partner may take longer to return the call if he or she returns it at all. Instead of going out and enjoying yourselves, time together may be limited to sitting around watching television, an activity that doesn’t require much interaction. Dates may begin to include friends so that you don’t have to attempt to engage in meaningful conversation. You may also find yourself going to more public places such as ballgames and other sporting events you never attended before just to avoid too much close contact.

When you find yourselves arguing over stupid things, you know it’s time to move along your separate ways. Certainly every couple has times when they are going to pick a fight “just because,” but when it becomes frequent, you know that something is seriously wrong with the relationship. That is the point when you need to sit down and talk it over and decide if the relationship is really dead or if you are just on a plateau as sometimes happens.

Also, if you have been together long enough that your relationship includes intimacy, and that suddenly becomes less frequent or non-existent, you know you are truly on a downhill slide. Even within marriage a change in the frequency of intimate relations is a sure sign of severe problems within the relationship. When you put everything together, you have to look at the complete picture and know when it is time to say goodbye and walk away.

In today’s fast paced world, it’s difficult at times to combine a career with a romantic relationship. This is especially true for those who are in high pressure positions where their careers force them to work long hours or be available for dinner meetings or out of town functions. In the past this was a problem only men had to face, but today with so many female executives it’s a problem that faces both genders equally. It may even affect women more than men because women are still new to the management field and must prove themselves in a field that was previously dominated by men.

One of the biggest obstacles that men and women face in a career-oriented world is how to set priorities. Quite often there seems to be the belief that it’s essential to attend every after hours meeting and every out of town function in order for the company to maintain its level of trust and confidence in each person in a position of authority. Both men and women neglect their spouse or partner in order to maintain their position at the top of the corporate ladder. At the same time they expect their relationships to remain in tact until they get to where they want to be or feel they have won the confidence of those higher in the corporate infrastructure.

Although many relationships will survive the neglect that is part of the climb up the corporate ladder, many others will not. This is especially prevalent for males because they do not always know when they have reached the point where they no longer need to put their entire lives on hold. These Type A personalities are the workaholics, those who are “married” to their jobs and unable to enjoy life outside of work. It is fortunate that not all executives are in this category, but there are enough of them that there is need to address the issue of relationship neglect.

For the up and coming executive, he or she must realize that the person who is supporting your climb to the top will only be there for you as long as you acknowledge their presence in your life. That means your job cannot consume you as you come home at nine or ten o’clock every night expecting a hot meal and your favorite drink. You also should not expect your partner to be denied your company every night of the week.

It’s essential for you to take time to work on your relationship even while you are working on your career. If you neglect your relationship, there will be no one there to cheer you when you reach your highest level of achievement. A relationship requires nurturing, even married couples who have been married for over 20 years. There is no point in your career when you can sit back and work on your career and neglect your marriage or partnership. Always put your relationship first and work on your career during your normal working hours and occasional evening meeting and out of town conference.

When you first meet someone, there will always be that “getting to know you” phase. It’s not a good idea to immediately begin attempting to build a romantic relationship while you are getting to know one another. It’s important to become friends before you attempt to build something romantic. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t form a dating relationship—after all, that is how you will learn to know each other—but you want to keep it at a dating stage until you learn to know one another first.

Where many relationships fail is when a couple attempts “too much too soon.” Think of it this way—the best friends make the best lovers. What that means is you should become friends first and let what is meant to be happen. Not everyone is meant to be your life partner or soul mate. You will meet many people throughout life, but only some of those will be romantic interests. On the other hand, those that do develop into romantic relationships will do so at the right moment.

As you are building a relationship, do not see it as a way to meet Mr. or Miss Right but just let it flow as it will. You don’t want to force a relationship into being something it is not, and if you attempt to speed the process, you will fail as will the relationship. Another thing to consider is that what may seem right to you may not be for the other person at that time. That doesn’t mean the relationship will never go beyond the dating stage but rather that you cannot force what isn’t there. There is no special formula to tell you when the time is right, or if it will ever be right; you have to follow your instincts.

Once you know the relationship is going to proceed beyond the dating stage, you want to work on building it but do it slowly. Going from friendship to dating to romance should be a gradual transition, and the romance stage should be the longest and the most enjoyable. Romantic love is a special kind of bond that you want to form, but you cannot do that if you allow things to develop too quickly. Once you’re past the dating stage, allow yourself to enjoy getting to know each other in a romantic atmosphere.

Many couples also make the mistake of becoming overly possessive during the dating stage. Until there is a commitment to a relationship, you are not entitled to demand details of the other person’s activities nor is he or she entitled to know yours. Making such demands during the dating stage is sure to be disastrous, and the result will be an end to the relationship before it begins. Most importantly, do not use any information provided about past relationships during the dating stage as fuel for arguments at a later time. Take the time to work on the relationship, and allow it to develop into the depth you want it to be.

Will didn’t really think we needed to exactly define our relationship but to just let it happen. I felt we needed ground rules.

We talked about moving in together down the road. I had never lived with anyone before and the idea of living with Will both scared and excited me.

The next few months flew by. I met Will’s son and daughter. Justin, age 12, was adorable and I fell in love with him right away. We took Justin to movies with us and I attended Justin’s hockey games with Will. He didn’t seem bothered by the fact that his Dad had a girlfriend or that I was younger than his Dad.

It was a little scarier meeting Miranda who was 15. I was very aware of the fact that I was only 9 years older than her and I was so sure she would hate me on sight. No, she didn’t hate me. But she was definitely more reserved than her younger brother and I’m not sure I really knew where I stood the first few times we got together.

One of the first times we got together with Miranda, she brought a girlfriend with her so she could meet Dad’s “24 year old girlfriend”.

Apparently, the idea was cool–I just didn’t know whether or not I was as cool to her as the idea was.

I think she realized that her Dad was happy so she would go along with the idea of our relationship for the time being, but God help me if I did anything to hurt her Dad.

After a staff picnic that summer, we announced our relationship to the people that we worked with. Some people were completely shocked, other people’s faces held smug smiles, as if to say, I thought there was something going on there.

Over the summer I met most of Will’s family. He had 2 sisters, one older and one younger and 3 younger brothers. His oldest sister had kids older than me and she was very happy to meet me but I am sure that she wasn’t exactly sure what to do with me.

My most serious regret about our age difference was the fact that I didn’t get to meet and get to know Will’s parents. They were both in a nursing home and very ill when we started dating and I don’t know if they even knew that Will was separated from his first wife.

Summer turned into fall and I turned a year older and now we were seriously talking about moving in together. I remember vividly the conversation we had when we decided to move forward with the relationship. Will wanted to be completely upfront with me how he felt.

He loved me and wanted to live with me but he told me quite frankly that he would never marry again and that his kids would always come first. He had had a vasectomy and had no intentions of having any more children and he wanted to me to clearly understand this before we took our relationship to the next level.

That’s a lot of restrictions to put on a relationship before it even gets started. It’s also a lot of provisos for a 25 year old to absorb and agree to. I’m not sure that I could give up the idea of marriage and kids of my own.

Will understood what he was asking from me but he told me honestly as much as he loved his kids there was no way he wanted to start over again at this stage in his life and that his head was more focused on planning his retirement than on planning on nurseries and diaper changing.

How does a 25-year old girl deal with that? Love conquers all, right?

I told Will honestly that giving up any hope of marriage and kids was a very big concession for me to make and not something I could do lightly.

I spent a couple of days and sleepless nights thinking long and hard about what I really wanted for my life.

I couldn’t imagine breaking up with Will but would I be settling if I agreed to his terms. Could I live with someone for the rest of my life and be happy knowing that we would never marry or have children of are own? Could I handle always taking a backseat to his children’s needs? I didn’t want to give up too much of my own identity just because I moved in with Will.

It seemed to be an issue with no clear right or wrong answer. In the end I chose to agree to Will’s terms and deep down I really believed that once we had lived together long enough, he would change his mind.

We moved in together on a cold winter day at the end of January and I was excited and petrified at the same time. It was one thing to spend weekends with someone, but it was completely another to commit to spending all of your life with someone.

In a fairy tale this would be where you would get to the part where we lived happily ever after. Life doesn’t work like that. Making a relationship work is not easy. Both partners have to learn to give and take and to pick your battles. I’m not saying that we weren’t happy. Will and I feel that we are the best things that happened to each other and I thank God every day that he was persistent in his pursuit of me.

We loved each other very much and we learned to make it work. Did the age difference ever get in the way? You betcha. Our friends were different ages and they all had different priorities. Although we had similar tastes in music in some ways, half of the artists that Will was into, I had never heard of before. It was mind boggling to think that when Will started working I was only 2 years old. But just like all new couples, we discovered things about each other and every day was a new experience.

To further Will’s career, we moved across Ontario, and I left my family and friends to begin a new life. A series of coincidences followed that found Will’s estranged wife also moving to the same city we were moving to so Will’s relationship with his children did not change.

Being thrust into the role of a stepmother was wonderful and challenging all at the same time. Miranda and I butted heads a few times and the 9-year difference in age became an issue a few times. It was cool for her Dad to have a young girlfriend at first but it wasn’t so cool when I stuck around. Somehow, without words being spoken we found a way to make it work.

My relationship with Justin was solid, though. Never had a moment’s worry about where I stood with him.

I had this fantasy that I would be able to go out and golf with Will a couple of mornings a week but I was definitely not the natural athlete that he was. I did enjoy planning perennial gardens and doing all sorts of “Susie Homemaker” stuff that I was never able to try while I was working.

The summer flew by and before we knew it we were loading the car up to start our new adventure as snowbirds. I knew this experience I was going to love! A whole winter in Florida! What’s not to love! We had met people in the golf community that were also going to Florida for the winter and would be in the same city that we were renting in and they promised to take us out and show us the lay of the land.

We also knew that Will’s sisters would only be a day’s drive away. His older sister wintered in southern Florida and his younger sister was now leaving in Atlanta, GA.

The mobile home park where we were renting was beautiful and I fell in love with the balmy Florida weather right away. I was, by far, the youngest woman in the park and most residents didn’t know what to make of me.

I got involved in a water aerobics class and joined a Christmas choir and spent afternoons lounging at the pool and catching up on books that I longed to read. I missed my friends and I missed the kids and the grandkids. We had never been away from Will’s kids and the grandkids for more than a couple of weeks at a time and this hit me a lot harder than I would have ever thought.

On Christmas Eve, I was singing in the local Christmas Contata, and that night was the first night I truly felt homesick. We always spent time with Will’s kids and grandkids on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.

On Christmas Day we drove to Atlanta, to spend time with Will’s sister and brother-in-law and I spent almost the whole drive crying that I wanted to go home. Will was completely bemused and didn’t know what to make of my behavior but when we arrived in Atlanta, I was in good company. Will’s sister, Mary, was also crying. This would be the first Christmas not spent with her son so we cried and laughed together, happy that, at least, we were with family.

New Year’s Eve found us in southern Florida and spending time with Will’s oldest sister, Laura, and I felt as if I had arrived home. Finally, I felt at ease with her and we spent wonderful days shopping and getting to know each other better. I lost my shyness and awkwardness around her. I knew from Will that she was much like his mother and, so, even though I had never gotten the chance to meet and get to know Will’s mother, I felt as if I had found the next best thing.

Laura and her husband enjoyed spending time with us so much that they decided they were ready for a change and they moved closer to us in central Florida.

I loved that first winter but by the time we returned home in the spring, I knew that I would have to find myself a job. I was so used to having my own money and I wanted my independence back.

Will also knew that he would have to get some sort of job to fill his time. Golfing every day the year before had been a new experience but he knew he wouldn’t be happy doing the same thing this year.

So we both got jobs at the golf course. I became a singing waitress and Will starting cleaning and doing dishes and ended up working with the chef in the kitchen. He finally had a job using his passion!

We spent nine years summering in Canada and wintering in Florida before Will decided he was ready for a change. I resisted the idea of selling our place in Florida but ready for a new challenge.

After much soul-searching, we ended up buying a 3 bedroom bungalow in northern Ontario where Will was born raised and where I spent a lot of my summers.

I started a new career with a home based business which kept me at home for 3 meals a day for most of the month while Will finally had a chance to really enjoy his retirement.

And so I have just about brought you up to date in our saga Will is now 65 and I’m 48. It’s funny. I’m older now than Will was when he first asked me out and yet I don’t think of me as old at all. Age really doesn’t mean anything at all. It’s just a number and its true - you’re only as old as you feel.

We now have 4 grandchildren: Miranda has 2 boys age 20 and 15; Justin has 2 girls - age 13 and 10.

I asked Will recently if he feels whether the age difference has ever been an issue in our lives. He shook his head no. When I asked whether he felt that the age difference would become an issue as we became older he doesn’t think it will. And if it does, we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. We’ll meet that challenge just as we’ve met other challenges in our life - head on.

I truly believe that we were meant to be together. We might not have started out our relationship in a conventional way but we always were open and honest with each other.

I guess I finished growing up with Will by my side and he helped me become the strong, independent woman that I have become. I believe that I helped Will believe in love again and that love transcends age. He probably wouldn’t exactly put it that way, but the sentiment is there.

We’ve learned how to make our blended family work. Our families have come to understand and respect the love that we continue to show to one another and I don’t think anyone doubts our commitment to each other. After spending half of my life with this man I am looking forward to growing old with him and taking on whatever life has to throw at us.

Will the age difference become an issue as we grow older? I don’t know. But I do know that I love this man with all that I have and I am sure if our age difference becomes an issue we will figure out a way to work it out.

I loved to walk and found out that Will did also. We decided to walk along one of the trails near our apartment buildings and walked at least two or three miles. We talked about everything: music we liked, favorite authors, favorite foods and to my surprise we had a lot of commons interests.

I was surprised when our walk had brought us back in front of Will’s place. He asked me if I wanted to come up and, until that moment, I had no intention of going up to his place. I had a feeling where it would lead and I really did not want to complicate either of our lives. He waited patiently while I turned his invitation over in my mind wondering what had gotten into me. After a couple of minutes, I nodded. We were quiet during the ride in the elevator and I could feel my heart pounding and my hands were sweating.

After entering Will’s apartment our conversation became awkward. Will set me at ease by offering to fix me a cup of tea and we just sat in his living room and chatted about movies we’d seen and TV shows we watched.

I think I might have kissed him first and inevitably we ended up in his bedroom. Will insisted later to friends that that was my intention all along but until I said that I would go upstairs with him, I had not the slightest notion to ever sleep with him again.

Over the next few months, Will and I spent a lot of time together. I also dated a couple of other guys off and on but no one could make me laugh the way that Will did. No one at work knew what was happening. I’m sure a few suspected but we tried to keep everything quiet - my idea.

I found Will to be funny, charming, and very attentive. Not like some of the guys that I had dated that was my own age. He was very interested in what I had to say and what I wanted to do when we went out. I took careful note of my likes and my dislikes. He was a fantastic cook - an art I had never mastered and he loved discovering what I liked and didn’t like and loved introducing me to foods I had never tried before. I found my finicky food habits were disappearing.

We attended movies and concerts together. He even took me to an Elvis musical. We had front row seats for that and I was taken aback when the Las Vegas Elvis motioned for me to join him on stage and sang “Can’t Help Falling In Love With You” to me while he wrapped his sweat soaked scarf around my head. I thought “Oh My God!! Did Will arrange this?” I wasn’t sure whether it was just coincidence or not.

I loved spending time with him but had not even thought about falling in love with him. After all, he was the same age as my mother.

Most people at work still did not know that we were seeing each other, although I did confide in my boss and another friend about our friendship. I never thought of it as a relationship exactly. We were just two people enjoying each other’s company. Weren’t we?

One day after work, over drinks at our neighborhood bar, Will took my hand and said, “I think I am falling in love with you”.

To my horror, I actually choked on my drink and watched it spray all over him. I couldn’t believe his words and speechless, struggled to find words to respond.

“I thought we were just having fun”/

“So did I. I had no intentions of ever feeling this way about someone again. This wasn’t supposed to happen.”

I didn’t know what to say. “Can’t we just leave things the way that we are? Why does anything have to change?”

Will replied that nothing had to change but I felt that it already had.

I have little memory of the rest of the evening. I think we finished our drinks and we went out for dinner as planned but I ended up not spending the night with Will but went home alone saying I felt a migraine coming on.

I’m not sure why the thought of Will following in love with me sent me into such a panic but it did. Was it the 17 year age difference! He was a lot of fun, but was there any future for us? What exactly was he implying when he said he was falling in love with me? What exactly did that mean? Did that mean he wanted a relationship? Marriage? He wasn’t exactly what I had in mind for my knight in shining armor that was going sweep me off of my feet and take me away somewhere where we would live happily ever after.

That weekend, I called an old friend from back home and asked if I could come for a visit. I knew I had plenty of holidays and I just wanted to get out of town for a few days and think about what was happening.

Will didn’t ask many questions when I told him I was going out of town, but told me to call him, day or night, if I wanted to talk. I agreed and we said our good-byes.

I hadn’t been back to my hometown for a while and I hadn’t seen my friend, Terri, since her wedding a couple of years before. Her husband, Richard, made himself scarce while I was there giving us plenty of time to catch up.

It was just like old times. We talked all night the first night I was there about books, and movies, and how marriage was treating her and what was going on with my love life. I told her about Will and a couple of the other guys I had dated.

Over a second glass of wine, Terri asked, OK Barbra what gives?”

“What are you talking about?”

“What are you doing here?”

“Can’t I come and spend a few days with an old friend?”

“Sure, any time but you’ve been acting skittish since you got here and I have a feeling it has to do with this Will you keep going on about.”

So I finally sat down and told her the whole story. How we met, how old he was, that I had been sleeping with him, and that he told me he was in love with me. I tried to explain that I liked him and that he made me laugh, but love? I don’t think so.

Three years passed and our relationship strengthened with every new challenge.

Will watched me struggle with the issue of not having children while I watched Miranda get pregnant with her first child and I did bring up the possibility of us having children, adopting, or having foster children. He did remind me that he had been crystal clear about his position on more children and I admitted that I had secretly hoped that he would change his mind.

He shook his head and told me on this issue he would not waiver. He looked forward to being a grandfather. He could spoil grandchildren when possible, and then hand them back to their parents when he had had enough. And so I became a step-grandmother at the tender age of 28.

It took me another couple of years before I was able to reconcile the fact that I would not be having children. Another regret about the age difference - I knew we would have made very beautiful children. There will probably always be a small, hidden-away place in my soul that houses this regret but the life that we have made with each other has certainly been rich and fulfilling enough to make it a small price to pay.

We lived together happily for close to nine years before Will’s resolve to never marry again dissolved. I’m not really sure what prompted his change of heart.

I just know that one day; he came to me with documents to do his own divorce and asked me for help in completing them. I was astonished.

“What does this mean? I asked. “Does this mean we are getting married?” He didn’t answer right away but gave me one of those maddening, wicked smiles of his and asked, “Why, do you want to get married?”

I thought that was as close as I was going to get to a proposal but he surprised me by saying, “I know we were supposed to be a one-night stand. Well, it’s been one, long beautiful night.” That was good enough for me. Just when I thought that Will fell short of being romantic, he always did or said something to surprise me. After his divorce became final and as we planned our small, intimate wedding, everything felt romantic and right.

We were married in his brother’s backyard on a cool August afternoon. My sister gave me away and Will’s brother and sister-in-law were our best man and matron of honor.

Will was 51 and I was almost 34. Ten years had passed since Will has begun his pursuit of me. It seems inconceivable to me that that much time had passed.

We didn’t see each other the morning of the wedding. My sister and I had planned a spa day and had manicures and pedicures and had our hair done before getting dressed for the wedding.

The whole day had a dream-like quality to it and yet I felt such clarity. I spent a lot of time going back over our years together. We both knew that the day might come when the age difference between us might get in the way but we decided that life was too short to worry about might be’s and could be’s and we would let love steer our course. I thought I would feel nervous and get a case of cold feet that day but instead I carried the feeling that this was all meant to be.

If I had been nervous that Will would get cold feet, the moment that he saw me walking “down the aisle” quelled any doubts. He looked at me as if I was the most beautiful woman in the world. It was the first day that I felt truly beautiful. His eyes were full of love and he looked as if he’d forgotten about everyone else that was there.

Although it was a traditional ceremony, we didn’t have a formal reception, but a backyard party with friends and family to celebrate our marriage.

It was a great party and we left everyone partying and drove ourselves to the honeymoon suite that I had arranged for that night. Our planned honeymoon of doing nothing but relaxing ended up being a whirlwind trip of traveling all over Ontario but we had a month of unlimited time together, lots of time to renew our commitment to one another.

Will had started seriously thinking of retirement and I felt as it my career was just getting started but I loved the passionate way that Will spoke when telling me of his plans. While on our honeymoon, we did discover the place where we decided we would retire. It was a beautiful place and I was excited as he was as we started making plans.

Retirement, we thought, was still four years away but it was fun planning on what we were going to do. Our plans changed abruptly when Will was offered a golden handshake 2 years later. After quite a bit of soul-searching, Will and I decided he would take the golden handshake and we would retire early. I was about to be the youngest retiree in history.

We spent the next few months planning the next phase of our life. We would leave the city and purchase a park model home in a golf-course community and stay there for the summers and then spend our winters in Florida. We decided to rent in Florida the first year until we found something suitable there to buy. Will’s older sister and her husband already had a retirement home in Florida and we decided we would join them.

I was a little nervous about this next phase in our life but Will’s excitement carried me along and I started joking with our friends that I was on the Freedom 35 Plan.

I quit work a few weeks after Will officially retired and we began to organize our move to the golf course community. Another move away from family and friends but we weren’t going to be too far away - only a couple of hours.

I loved our new home. It was smaller than the townhouse that we had rented but it was all ours. Well ours and the banks. We had a blast that summer. Will played golf every day. I took lessons although

I knew from the get-go that I was going to be completely hopeless. We did go out a few times to play 9 holes together but it became obvious very quickly, that this would be one area where we would not be riding off into the sunset together.

During my visit, we spent time shopping and catching up on our lives.

Before I left, we kept to our usual tradition of going out to our favorite Italian restaurant.

“I still haven’t figured out what I am going to do about Will. What am I going to do, Terri? How am I going to let him down gently? I’ll have to break it off with him.”

Terri smiled at me from across the table, and took my hands. “Sweetie, I’ve listened to you ramble on for the past few days. It’s been Will this, and Will that. You know, for someone who swears she’s not in love with him, you talk like someone who’s in love.”

“I do not!” I exclaimed!! “I am not in love with Will!”

“Are you sure? I think the lady doth protest too much”. I sat back in my chair and tried to come up with a snappy comeback but nothing came to me.

“Terri, he’s the same age as Mom! Where exactly is this relationship going to go? He’s got a 15-year old daughter and a 12-year old son! I haven’t even met them yet! Let’s say we decide to see where this relationship is going to go. What are his kids going to say about this? What if they hate me? What if I don’t like them?”

“His age didn’t keep you from sleeping with him. How will you know where the relationship could go if you don’t give it a chance? Are you sure you aren’t in love with him? Just take one step at a time. Worry about the kids when you figure out where this is going. You and Will will work it out together. I think you should call Will tonight and see what happens.”

I thought about what she said and then thought about Will. Just thinking about him made me smile. And then I really started to miss him so I took Terri’s advice and called him.

He didn’t sound surprised at all to hear from me. I was worried our conversation would be awkward but it wasn’t it all. I told him I had been talking to Terri about him, about us, and that he had told me that he was falling in love with me.

I asked him if he meant it, and if he did what exactly did that mean. Where did he see our relationship going from there? He told me honestly that he didn’t know. He knew that he wanted to make our relationship exclusive and he didn’t want to keep it a secret any longer.

He told me that he had told his children that he was seeing someone and that he wanted them to meet me. That blew my mind.

He asked me again how I felt and I told him that I wasn’t sure. I told him what Terri had asked me and I told him that I was confused about everything.

We ended up talking the whole night on the phone and I didn’t want to hang up

I told him when I would be returning home by train and asked if he could take the day off so we sit down and discuss this seriously. I still didn’t know how far I wanted to go with this relationship. He agreed. I told him that I would call him after I got back to my place and that after I showered and made myself presentable, I would call him.

I was taking an overnight train and I always looked frightful after that train trip. The trip home itself was uneventful but my mind was full of what-if’s and could-be’s. I turned over my conversations with Terri and my all night phone call with Will and kept asking myself could this man really be “the one”.

It was a long night and I definitely did not get much sleep on the long trip home. When the train pulled into the station, I started to sweat. Now on top of fuzzy teeth, gummy contact lenses, disheveled hair, I was turning into one big sweat gland.

At least, I thought as I made my way towards the escalator, I would have a chance to make myself beautiful before my reunion with Will.

As I stifled a yawn, I happened to glance up at the top of the escalator and to my shock; Will was standing there with a sheepish grin on his face and holding a bouquet of flowers.

I swear to God, my heart skipped a beat! I was so happy to see him and then tears came to my eyes when I realized what a sight I must seem to him. I wanted everything to be perfect and I looked a mess! When I reached the top of the escalator, Will was right there and he literally swept me off my feet. My bags hit the floor, momentarily forgotten, as he held me in the biggest hug.

After he finally let my feet touch the ground again, he thrust the bouquet of flowers and a little gift box towards me and confessed that he missed me so much, that he couldn’t wait to see me again.

He picked up my bags and steered me towards the taxi stand. During the drive home, he told me that we would go straight to his place, and if I felt I had to, I could shower there. I could feel myself start to panic again. I didn’t have a chance to clear my head or organize my thoughts.

He seemed to understand my feelings and took my hands in his and said, don’t worry, we have all day.

Back at his place, while I showered, brushed my teeth, and changed into some clean clothes, he surprised me by cooking me breakfast. The smell of sizzling bacon and eggs seemed to calm me down and I decided to stop trying to over think everything and resolved to just let whatever was going to happen, happen.

Breakfast was delicious. Between bites, we talked about our experiences over the last few days. Again I told him about my conversation with Terri over dinner and that I had done a lot of thinking during the train ride home.

“But it wasn’t till I saw you at the train station, holding the bouquet of flowers that it really hit that I have fallen in love with you/”

Food forgotten, he reached across the table and kissed me hard. All my concerns evaporated and no more words were spoken as he led me towards the bedroom.

Later, we both decided it was time for reality to set in and we decided to discuss where we went from here. This is where things were going to get sticky.

As I walked out my door, I thought to myself that I would just make sure that I didn’t stay long enough to get myself into any trouble. Lora and Carl caught me up on all the goings-on at work. It never failed. Something was always happening at work.

I finished my glass of wine, and decided to hit the powder room before saying my good-byes. When I walked back into Will’s living room I noticed that Lora and Carl were missing. They left while I was in the bathroom. Ah man!! I’ve been set up! I hate when that happens.

I told Will that I had to get going and picked up my jacket to leave. He coaxed me into staying for one more glass of wine and I didn’t want to seem rude so I agreed to one more glass.

It wasn’t long before he was asking me to stay overnight and again I refused. I told him all the reasons why it couldn’t work out. We work together, we were friends, I didn’t want to ruin the friendship, he was the same age as my mother, we worked together, and he was the same age as my mother ….

He put his arm around me, looked deep into my eyes and responded, “But Barbra, I don’t want to marry you, I just want to take you to bed.” He looked so sincere, and so endearing, and his eyes were so blue that I could not think of a satisfactory comeback … so I let him lead me into his bedroom.

I was worried about workplace complications so I tried to make him understand that this could only be a one night stand. He smiled, knowingly, and then stated that I would be back. I told him again that this could only be a one night stand but he just smiled again.

It was a wonderful evening and I left Will’s place with a warm glow on my face.

The next couple of days of my course flew by and before I knew it, the weekend had arrived. No call from Will, though. I was so certain that he had enjoyed the evening as much as I, and even though I insisted on a one night stand, I was sure since he had pursued me for months, he would at least call me and tell me that he had had a nice time.

All weekend I waited for the phone to ring. I even checked to see if my phone was working properly, and then I began to fume. I couldn’t believe it. I was so certain that he was not one of those guys who pursued a girl until she was a conquest and then paid her not the slightest bit of attention. OK, granted, I insisted on a one night stand but he asked me out for months!!! Not even a follow up phone call!!

I planned on giving him a piece of my mind when I saw him again, and then I thought, why wait? I looked up his number and decided I would call him. When Will answered the phone he sounded too pleased to see me that I forgot all the harsh words I meant to hurl at him and after a brief chat we made plans to go for a long walk together later that day.

I loved to walk and found out that Will did also. We decided to walk along one of the trails near our apartment buildings and walked at least two or three miles. We talked about everything: music we liked, favorite authors, favorite foods and to my surprise we had a lot of commons interests.

I was surprised when our walk had brought us back in front of Will’s place. He asked me if I wanted to come up and, until that moment, I had no intention of going up to his place. I had a feeling where it would lead and I really did not want to complicate either of our lives. He waited patiently while I turned his invitation over in my mind wondering what had gotten into me. After a couple of minutes, I nodded. We were quiet during the ride in the elevator and I could feel my heart pounding and my hands were sweating.

He took me to a really nice café and we had a great time. He was very personable and I found out a little more about Will. He was legally separated and had 2 children - boy and girl, ages 12 and 15.

Fifteen years old!! Only 9 years younger than I! I couldn’t believe it.

After lunch, we walked back to the office, he apologized again, I accepted his apology again, and thanked him for a great lunch. I didn’t thing another thing about it and went back to work.

After work, I was meeting a few co-workers at a local bar to discuss about the possibility of having a winter skating party. There were about eight of planning the outing and when I walked in, I was surprised to see Will there. He had found out about us planning a party and wanted to help out. Apparently, according to people he’d been on the road with, he was a chef, and he offered to make his famous chili and garlic bread to warm us all up after our skate.

Inwardly, I’m groaning and wondering why we were being thrown together again, but I shrugged my thoughts aside and pitched my ideas for the party. Before long we had the nuts and bolts of the party worked out and the planning committee began to leave.

Will stopped me with an offer to take my out to dinner. “I really feel as if I still need to make things up to you”, he said. “Don’t be silly”, I replied, “All is forgiven”.

“Still, you need to eat”. He had a point. And still being the starving single girl on limited income, I took him up on his offer. We walked to a pub just up the street and, again, Will was very personable and supper was very enjoyable.

He offered me a drive home afterwards, which I accepted but halfway home, he asked me to spend the night with him. I couldn’t believe my ears! He buys my two meals and thinks I’m going to jump into bed with him! I politely declined and, to his credit, he didn’t push the issue but drove me home.

Over the next few months, Will and I ran into each other at different work luncheons and functions, and a couple of parties and he always managed to find time to ask me out again. I declined every time. I couldn’t help admiring his persistence, though. He was always very courteous, and took my refusals with good grace.

It was after one particular party that things were about to change. Will invited us all to a spaghetti party at his place. My pals were planning on attending so, of course, I had to be there. I resolved to make sure that I didn’t end up alone with Will. I also decided that I would try to be one of the first to leave.

The party was a blast and Will’s spaghetti and meatballs were delicious! As I was trying to find my jacket and take my leave, Will managed to corner me and asked me out again. Once again I turned him down.

I said my good-byes and reminded people that I wouldn’t be in the office the following week because I was taking a work related course out of town.

The following Wednesday evening after I had finished supper, the phone rang and it was Lora, a friend from work calling. She was calling from Will’s place. Lora and her boyfriend, Carl, had dropped in on Will for a couple of drinks and they mentioned that they had not seen me at work and were worried about me.

I reminded them again that I was on a course. They had entirely forgotten about that but asked me to join them at Will’s place for a drink. Apparently, there was tons of wine left over from Will’s party on the weekend. I knew I had to be up early the next morning so at first I refused but Lora’s coaxing me finally convinced me to go over for one glass of wine.

As I walked out my door, I thought to myself that I would just make sure that I didn’t stay long enough to get myself into any trouble. Lora and Carl caught me up on all the goings-on at work. It never failed. Something was always happening at work.

I finished my glass of wine, and decided to hit the powder room before saying my good-byes. When I walked back into Will’s living room I noticed that Lora and Carl were missing. They left while I was in the bathroom. Ah man!! I’ve been set up! I hate when that happens.

I’ve always looked younger than I really am and he found it hard to believe that I was 24. “You’re just a baby”, he said.

“Well, how old are you anyway?” I countered.

“How old do you think I am?” he asked.

I hate when people do that! I have never been very good at guessing people’s ages. I knew that he was older than most of the rest of our group. Most of the people I worked with were between 20 and 30. He had a young face but his hair was completely silver. He confessed that he had been grey since his early 20’s - a family trait.

I guessed that he was in his late 30’s. He kept me wondering for a while but finally revealed that he was 41.

“41! 41!!! 41!!! Oh my God”, I cried, “You’re the same age as my mother!! Oh my God, I couldn’t believe it. Everyone at the table laughed.

Over drinks, Will asked me out for the first time. I just shook my head and said, “I can’t go out with you! You’re old enough to be my mother!” He laughed but told me he was determined that I would go out with him. I just shook my head again and told him I also didn’t date guys that I worked with.

Shortly after, we left for the party and I forgot all about Will’s proposition.

There were over 200 people there - employees, sub-contractors, wives and girlfriends, husbands and boyfriends. It was a total madhouse.

I found myself a glass of wine and looked around for my friends and found Will amongst them. I inwardly groaned hoping Will wasn’t going to become a problem, but made my way over to my friends and decided to just politely ignore Will.

He was hard to ignore though. He was very charming and regaled all of us with amusing stories about them being on the road. Will managed to catch me alone and again asked me out. I explained again that I did not date guys I worked with and reminded him again that he was the same age as my mother. In fact, I told him, maybe I would fix him up with my mother the next time she was in town.

I spent the rest of the evening mingling but somehow Will managed to find me. By this time, he had also had too much to drink and his proposals were getting more lewd. What happened to the polite man I spent 3 years talking on the phone to?

By the time I left the party, I hoped I never laid eyes on Will again. I felt humiliated. In front of everyone we worked with, he asked me to go to bed with him. Everyone thought he was so funny but I still couldn’t get over the difference in his behavior.

Monday morning rolled around and I was determined to keep things “business as usual”. The morning went by quickly and it was almost lunch time when I looked up to find a sheepish Will standing over my desk with a huge bouquet of flowers.

Pete, the host of the party, had found Will that morning and told him he owed me a huge apology. Will did not remember anything that he had said to me at the party and asked my forgiveness. He also wanted to take me to lunch.

I told him that his apology was accepted but lunch wasn’t necessary. He insisted, and since I was a starving single girl who couldn’t really turn down a free lunch, I accepted his lunch date.

He took me to a really nice café and we had a great time. He was very personable and I found out a little more about Will. He was legally separated and had 2 children - boy and girl, ages 12 and 15.

Fifteen years old!! Only 9 years younger than I! I couldn’t believe it.

After lunch, we walked back to the office, he apologized again, I accepted his apology again, and thanked him for a great lunch. I didn’t thing another thing about it and went back to work.

I grew up believing that there was one person out there that was meant for us. Sounds hopelessly romantic, right? Guilty as charged. Blame the Harlequin Romances and old black and white movies that I gobbled up as a young teenager.

If a person is to believe that then it stands to reason that our looks, religious background, social standing, even a difference in age shouldn’t and couldn’t matter.

My parents’ marriage didn’t fit in with my romantic ideals, nor were they the best examples of what marriage or relationships were all about. They were just two people living life the best way they knew how while raising a family.

Mom and Dad didn’t discuss their relationship. They didn’t talk about their feelings. I can’t even remember how old I was when I discovered that there was a 10 year age difference between them. Not that it mattered. They were Mom and Dad.

It’s hard to believe that 24 years have gone by since the first time I laid eyes on Will. It boggles my mind that I’ve spent half of my life with this man.

It seems as if it was just yesterday when I decided that my romantic dreams were just that, dreams. There was no Mr. Right out there for me. I would just have to settle for the dead-end relationships that I kept finding myself in.

I was so sure I knew what I was looking for in a man yet every time I thought I had found that someone special, he ended up being more Mr. Wrong than Right.

The ironic twist in my search for everlasting love is that once I stopped looking for Mr. Right, he found me. I just didn’t realize it at first.

Will and I spoke on the phone for 3 years before we actually met. We both worked for the same company - he was on permanent travel status and I was at head office and responsible for making travel arrangements for him and his team as well as processing their travel claim.

We spoke at least once a week. I wouldn’t speak to each individual team member unless there was a specific problem - I would speak to the Project Manager.

He was always very pleasant on the phone. He never raised his voice or got angry when things went wrong (something was always going wrong with so many people being on the road at the same time). He just took a deep breath and then said, “OK, how do we fix this?”

He sounded so yummy on the phone - both my supervisor and I were half in love with him. He always had a joke or a funny story for us. He sounded young and vibrant and tall. I remember asking my supervisor if she knew what he looked like but she didn’t really remember who was chosen after the interviews. Will was hired and sent out to Vancouver immediately.

We were implementing a countrywide computer system back before I knew what the internet or the worldwide web was.

Will was sent from one end of the country to the other and I was always the person on the other end of the phone that kept things organized for him.

Three years passed, the project was successful, and I would finally have a chance to meet Will. All the teams were coming home to attend a party to celebrate the success of the project.

The Project Managers showed up at the office the afternoon of the party for a meeting with the Director and to introduce themselves to some of the staff before the party. It was great finally getting to put faces to the names.

I heard Will’s voice before I saw him. I turned around to introduce myself and managed to keep a smile plastered on my face as I held out my hand.

He wasn’t bad looking. He definitely had a pleasant face to go with his voice but he was short and definitely older than I expected. Ah, well, I thought fantasies never hold up to reality. That’s life.

The afternoon passed quickly and a group of us had arranged to meet for drinks at a local bar before the party. Will and some of the other roadies were invited to join us and it turned out that Will and I were sitting across from each other at the same table.

Of course, we exchanged pleasantries. He was easy to talk to and told great stories. He made me laugh. Everyone at our table started exchanging life histories. I found out that Will was legally separated and had 2 children.

I’ve always looked younger than I really am and he found it hard to believe that I was 24. “You’re just a baby”, he said.

“Well, how old are you anyway?” I countered.

More to come on this story…

From girlhood to adulthood, women tend to develop more socializing and better communicating behaviors than men. Therefore, there are not as many things women need to consider in order to improve their communication skills in their personal and social lives. The few exceptions are:

1. If you find someone being rude, sarcastic, or insulting, don’t keep your feelings inside, letting them fester. Instead, express yourself openly and directly.
2. Don’t permit a man to interrupt you. If he does, interject and say, “Excuse me, I’m not finished saying what I have to say.” If he persists and continues to interrupt or if he changes the subject of conversation, say in a loud and firm voice, “Excuse me, I was talking; and I would like to continue on with the subject we were just talking about.”
3. Become more comfortable in talking about yourself and your accomplishments when you are asked about them. Doing so allows the man you are talking with to have a more realistic and true sense of who you are, and what you’re all about.
4. Watch your use of swear and curse words since this too can be a turn-off for men.
5. Don’t be afraid to let a man know that you are angry.
6. Try to talk about more things men enjoy discussing such as sports, news events, automobiles, the arts, and music.
7. Don’t be afraid to approach a man and ask him out, especially if you are interested in him. Oftentimes, it’s appreciated. If he happens to reject you, don’t personalize it and let it affect your self-esteem.
8. During arguments, don’t bring up past problems. Stick to the particular issues at hand and try to resolve them.
9. If a man has problems opening up, don’t push him to talk. Otherwise, it sounds like you’re nagging, which most men find offensive. Let him know that you’ll be there for him, and that whenever he would like to talk, you will be ready to listen. Try to help him by asking more open-ended questions, encouraging more free-flowing conversation, and talking about things he is interested in.
10. Don’t drop your head down and look up when you talk. It makes you look subservient and “victim-like.” Instead, hold the crown of your head up as though there is an imaginary rope pulling it higher. Your eyes should be level with the eyes of the man with whom you are talking.
11. Try to bear down on your abdominal muscles when you talk, which helps to keep your voice pitch under control and a little lower. Besides making you sound more sensuous, it helps you gain more control over your voice when you are feeling anxious and nervous, particularly in a social situation.

To better communicate with woman consider the follow:

1. Have more attentive body language when you are sitting down. Don’t sit in a reclining position; it will appear as though you are not interested.
2. Hold your head straight up and don’t tilt it to the side. When you do that, it makes you appear judgmental and defensive.
3. When you gesture while talking to a woman, try to make your gestures closer to your body. This will make you appear more intimate and sensitive.
4. Be more conscious of how much room and space you take up while sitting or standing, so you don’t appear rude and intrusive to a woman. Sit closer to her.
5. When you are talking to a woman on a personal level, don’t fidget and rock back and forth. Not only is this distracting, but it gives her the impression that you are not interested in what she is saying. It also will send the message that you are in a hurry and want to leave.
6. Look directly at a woman as you talk. That does not mean you should stare. Just keep looking in her direction. Look at her entire face for a few seconds, her eyes, nose, mouth, chin, and then look at her total face. Keep rotating where you are looking-from face to chin.
7. Smile more. If you’re interested in someone, let them know it.
8. When you talk to a woman, open your jaw and don’t clench down when you speak. If you do, you will be giving the impression of being uptight and uncommunicative. Also, your tones will be more muffled, which can be very annoying.
9. Try to put more enthusiasm in your voice when you greet and converse with a woman. A monotone voice is not appealing.
10. In a conversation, respond to topics which a woman brings up. Don’t try to change the subject and don’t interrupt. When you do this, it makes her feel as though you don’t think what she has to say is important, and that you have little respect for her.
11. When listening to a woman, give her more immediate feedback when she’s talking. Interject “uhm hums” and nod more. Doing this will make you appear more attentive and more interested in what she has to say.
12. When responding to a question a woman has asked you, don’t give minimal responses like “yep,” “nope,” or “maybe. ” Give a complete answer and then explain yourself Go on to explain in greater detail why you said what you did.
13. Use more adjectives and intensifiers such as “so,” “really,” “incredibly,” “vastly,” and so forth in your descriptions. This will make you sound even more interesting and interested. Paying attention to more detailed descriptions helps you appear more aware, observant, sensitive, and perceptive.
14. Ask the woman questions when trying to stimulate conversation instead of going off on a monologue or a lecture. Let her talk and voice her opinions, too. Ask her about her “feelings” on the topics in order to stimulate the conversation. Doing so will make you appear to be more sensitive and more attentive.
15. Don’t ever use command terms to a woman. Never say, “Get me this or that.” If you are personally involved with a woman, be sure to couch your commands with terms of endearment such as “honey” or “darling,” and phrase your words with politeness. The word “please,” said in a pleasing, warm tone, is the key word if you don’t want a woman to resent doing anything for you.
16. On a similar note, never make a direct accusation to a woman if you want her to listen to what you are saying and if you don’t want to turn her off Instead of saying, “You didn’t pick up the drycleaning” in an accusatory tone, you may want to phrase your displeasure in question form, using a more gentle tone with upward inflection, coupled with terms of endearment (i.e., “Honey, was there a reason why you didn’t pick up the dry cleaning today?’). By doing this the woman is more apt to respond in a kinder, more positive manner and not respond defensively with a counterattack.
17. Don’t be stingy about giving a woman compliments. Be sincere and use words that portray true excitement.
18. When you are frustrated, at your wit’s end or emotionally moved, don’t be afraid to let off steam not only through yelling and shouting but also through tears. It makes you appear more “human and sensitive.”
19. Save your dirty and practical jokes for your male friends. Women really don’t appreciate this type of humor.
20. Don’t use swear or curse words. They usually offend women.
21. Learn to talk about personal issues. Don’t be afraid to express yourself openly and honestly. Talk about subjects that women find more interesting such as self-improvement, clothing, other people, and relationships.
22. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it.

“Dear John…,” where the use of “John” was a generic name for a man; was the somewhat impersonal letters that date back to World War II when the soldier’s girlfriend couldn’t say “it’s over” in person. Many sad servicemen got “Dear John” letters from lovers back home announcing they had been dumped.

The modern version of a “Dear John” letter happens but it’s not a nice thing to do.

If you have decided not to date someone anymore, there is no need to give them a list of all shortcomings or cause them any more pain than is absolutely necessary. It may be difficult to do this in person and in a direct way however, the alternatives can have many, many lingering side effects.

In order to avoid a traumatic end to a relationship, some people choose not to break up in a direct way, but to simply to do a slow fade. Their calls become less frequent. They begin to argue and emphasize all the ways they are unsuitable for the other person. Eventually, unless the person being rejected is totally clueless, they usually realize what’s happening. The slow fade can backfire though with someone who just can’t take no for an answer. In most cases if you are sure you don’t want to be with someone, it’s best to let him down gently-but not so slowly that they don’t get the message and holds onto false hope.

Adults should be able to handle bad news, even if it hurts. Although breaking up with someone in a restaurant or other visible location theoretically should force your newly liberated partner to refrain from screaming, crying, throwing food, etc., in reality public dumping do cause public scenes – so this isn’t a recommended venue. Even if you are sure you don’t mind being the public center of attention due consideration needs to be given to the person that doesn’t know “bad news” is coming during an outing that would normally be filled with good news.

The kindest way to break up with someone in person is to do it in a private, quiet location. Breaking up with someone over the phone is also acceptable, but only if the relationship has been relatively short. If you are going to break up with someone over the phone, don’t blurt it out the moment your soon-to-be ex picks up. Ask if they are alone and available to talk. If they are not, delay the news until you can give them the courtesy of being in a position to handle it.

When you have the person’s attention, be firm, clear, and kind. Say that you enjoyed your time together, but affirm that your goal is to find the right partner and you need to keep looking. Be generous. Reiterate this person’s good points and avoid as much negativity as possible. Wish your ex-partner love, success, and happiness. Do not say “we can still be friends.” Maybe at some point you can be, but that’s not the right thing to say right now. You may get tears, anger, or pleading as a response. Listen and be sympathetic for a short time, but remain firm in your decision. Taking someone back won’t get you (or him) where either of you want to be.

Breaking up with someone can be extremely upsetting. You’ll probably try to plan out what you’re going to say and review the words in your head a thousand times before you finally say them. However, it’s best not to obsess over exactly the way you break up with someone, as the message will always be the same. Just be clear, firm, concise, and kind.

You’ve been going out with your partner for some time now. Tonight at dinner, they say, “We need to talk about us.” You know what is going to happen! Your heart is beating faster than a hummingbird’s wings. They takes something out of their pocket… you realize it’s the key to your apartment.

Few breakups are total surprises - you can sense them before they happen. Your partner’s attitude might suddenly change. They may become evasive, unavailable, distracted, or hot and cold. They may suddenly be very anxious or busy or pick fights with you over nothing. This behavior may be due to worries about work, family, health, or other significant problems. Perhaps a former love has returned or they just received some shattering news, like a medical diagnosis, that they are afraid to share with you for fear of rejection.

Whether you knew it was coming or not, chances are being dumped has got you feeling pretty down. The longer you have been in a relationship and the more emotion you have invested in it, the more it will distress you to realize that it is over. If you have been dumped by someone you really cared about, you may think that they will take you back and see the error of heir ways. In nearly every case, you’d be wrong! Whatever compelled your potentially perfect partner to want to end this relationship with you will still be there if you get back together. It is nearly 100% guaranteed that “round 2″ will meet the same success dismal success of “round 1″… it is a near certainty and covered by a simple question… “what changed?”

If you think something is up with your partner, be direct in expressing your concern. If you sense something is wrong, you are probably right, and you will need to deal with it.

No matter how bad the news or how much it hurts, breaking up and moving forward to find someone new is better than being in a confusing holding pattern.

Getting dumped is definitely a dating downer, but it also gives you an opportunity to move forward toward your goal if you look on the bright side. You didn’t make the match you have dreamed of just yet, but your special someone is still out there. Crossing one more person off your list who obviously isn’t ideal takes you one step closer to finding the right one-not just anyone.

Breaking up feels bad, maybe even horrible. But if you must end things, focus on the fact that if you don’t, you will be missing out by staying with someone who can’t satisfy your needs. Give yourself credit for having the ability to love, the wisdom to heal, and the courage to try again. Wish your former partner happiness and your good feelings will be reflected back to you. Stay firm in your belief that you will find the love you seek. The next time it will be even better, because you will be with the right person.

In time, you can and will get past the bad feelings, but first it helps to know what you’re about to face. There are four basic stages from grief to healing: denial, depression, anger, and acceptance. Depending upon how invested you were in the relationship, the healing process may take weeks, or it may take months. Try to look at this setback in a positive way. You took a chance on a relationship that didn’t work out, but you have learned from this experience and it has put you that much closer to finding the right person.

If you ever have experienced feelings of insecurity, jealousy and distrust in your relationship, you are certainly not alone. In fact, it is very common that people experience such things at some point in their relationship. Generally speaking, these feelings evolve from past hurt or perhaps even from negative experiences that you have had in your current relationship. Whatever the source of these feelings are, it is important to find out why you feel this way. It is only through personal understanding of your own feelings that you are able to deal with these feelings in a positive way.

If you should find out that your feelings of insecurity, jealousy and distrust are rooted in hurtful past relationship experiences; it is critical that you make an effort to leave the past behind you. A new relationship should be treated as a new relationship and old hurts have no place in this. It is easier said than done and it may take some time but it will be well worth it to extend trust in your current relationship in this case and see what positive things result from it.

On the other hand, if you know that your feelings of insecurity, distrust and jealousy are due to negative experiences in your current relationship, than you need to talk to your partner immediately. In this case, you need to express your feelings to your partner and see how they respond. If you are confronted with denial of negative actions and general rudeness and disinterest, chances are that you are not in a good relationship for you. In the contrary, you may discover that your partner was not aware of something that he or she was doing that hurt you and you may be able to rectify the situation and the relationship could improve.

There is also another cause of feelings of distrust, insecurity and jealousy. Sometimes it is how we feel about ourselves that make us vulnerable to these negative feelings. It is important to feel good about one’s self. You need to ask yourself in this case, what do I need to do to feel good and be happy in myself? Inner, personal happiness or lack of it can really affect a relationship in either positive or negative ways. If other women or men make you feel inferior to them, you need to ask yourself why?

It is so important that people do those things for themselves that brings them personal joy and an inner peace. People should not deprive themselves of this. If it means going for a walk everyday or a jog or even going to a gym, just do it! If you deprive yourself of things you need to do for yourself it affects you in a negative way and will in turn, affect your relationship in a negative way. Relationships are about give and take. You each need to give each other time to take time for yourselves to build your personal self up to what you need to be to be happy with yourself. Keep in mind that exercise, affects how a person feels. If a person does not exercise, they physically start to look and feel unhealthy. Exercise also has a way to energize your body and spirit and clear your mind so that you feel even more alive and enthusiastic about things.

Take time for your friends and take time for yourself. Don’t ever sacrifice things that matter to you because it will start to wear you out and bring you down, to be without those things that matter to you. If you like some activity that your partner doesn’t, just do it without them, either alone or with a friend who shares your same interest. You don’t have stop doing something that you enjoy doing just because your partner does not enjoy it. Some people are under the impression that they have to do everything with their partner and they don’t. In fact, it is healthier to do some things together and some things apart or with other friends. It just creates more balance in the relationship if you have together time and time apart.

So, take the time to build yourself up to be the person that you want to be. In doing this, you will feel more confident and those negative feelings will soon vanish. If you are busy enough with your own personal life you will no longer have time to dwell on those things that your partner may or may not be doing. In fact the more you do for yourself, the better you will feel and the more confidence and respect will shine.

People tend to respect those who take time for themselves and put themselves first in some ways. Don’t hesitate to be everything that you are. If you are in the right relationship for you, your relationship will thrive as a result of this. If you are everything that you are meant to be and you are personally happy but the relationship still brings you down, it is time to move on and find the right person for yourself. A good relationship should bring the best out of both of you!

There is no such thing as being too old to be in love. There was a couple that recently married and they were both over 70 years old. A person is only as old or as limited as they believe to be. If a person feels old, chances are they act old and really look old too. On the other hand, an older man or woman can have the romantic heart and mind of a teenager and look much younger than they are. It is all about attitude really. 

The key is to be light-hearted in your day to day life as a senior. One should never take things too seriously, as this sort of attitude ages people beyond their years. It is the light-hearted seniors who attract people to them not the ones who worry all the time and take everything too seriously. Those who are light-hearted draw love into their lives, regardless of a person’s age. Age is secondary to the inner happy spirit of a person.

If you are a senior who wants to fall in love, here is how you do it. You need to be able to laugh both at yourself and at others. Maintain a joyful inner and outer personality. Being joyful means having the ability to focus on the positive aspects of life rather than the negative ones. This does not mean pretending the negative aspects of life do not exist but rather to acknowledge negativity and move on to more positive things. Attitude is everything. It is not so much what happens to you but rather how you deal with what happens.

Love and romance is out there for everyone who seeks it. It is just a matter of doing those things, which draw love and romance into your life. As a senior it may be too easy to just keep to yourself and not go out much. Staying alone most of the time is not very socially stimulating. Chances are if you keep to yourself too much you will not be happy and will not find the love and romance that you are looking for.

The most important thing is to stay active everyday as a senior. Make a point of getting out to do something at least once a day if even for only 20 minutes. If you get out for a walk daily for example, you will stay healthy and alert and may even meet someone while you are out. Maybe you can go out somewhere for a coffee or tea daily and meet some friends. Social life is important for everyone, especially for a senior. It is always good to get out for a while and talk to people.

Many seniors enjoy eating out and this is another opportunity to meet and socialize with people. Try eating out at a new restaurant every couple weeks. It is always fun to try new places to eat. Family diner type places are often good as the food is inexpensive and very good and there are often many regulars who eat at the same place all the time. You may even meet a group of seniors who meet regularly to socialize and you may want to join this group of new friends.

The sky is the limit for seniors who want to encourage love and romance to come into their lives. Do things, meet people, socialize, go for walks or just go out for fun. There are so many interesting things to do. Look in the newspaper and see what is going on in your town or city. You may want to go out to a concert with friends or even go to the theatre. The world is a big place and there are lots of things to do, so enjoy it no matter what your age! Who knows, you may even fall in love!

When two people love each other it does not matter what each of them look like. Love is not limited to having a specific skin color, being of a certain culture or race or speaking a specific language. True love is universal and has no boundaries.

Sometimes love evolves between two people when they least expect it. It does not matter if a person is tall, short, skinny or fat. Love is for people of all shapes and sizes and races. It is a matter of attraction when it comes to love and attraction is not based on the visual differences between people. If you observe various interracial couples, you will see a love that reaches beyond visual differences.

Depending on the situation, people of various cultures who are involved in a romantic relationship together may have some challenges but nothing that cannot be overcome. For instance, language differences may be a bit of a barrier at first but people can learn each other’s languages over time. Language barriers are not something that cannot be worked around and dealt with in a positive way.

Difference in traditions can be interesting in a relationship. One person may do something a certain way in their culture while the other person may have a totally different approach to the same thing. In addition, one person may celebrate some holidays that the other person doesn’t even have in their culture. It is these sorts of differences between people in a relationship that can make their relationship very interesting.

The thing that can sometimes interfere with an interracial relationship is the opinions of others that may not be open minded in these ways. The important thing when in an interracial relationship is that you are both in it based on your mutual feelings and love for each other. The opinions of others are secondary to the happiness of you and your partner when it comes to an interracial relationship.

Love does not belong exclusively to people of the same culture, race or religion for that matter. Love in meant to be embraced by any two people who feel it for each other. Color, race, language and other differences are only superficial things compared to the matters of the heart, which attract people. People need to be open to their feelings more and less controlled by the unrealistic restrictions that they place on themselves.

The next time that you see an interracial couple, observe them closely. Watch the love that you see expressed between them. Look at how they smile at each other and how they look at each other. If you are open minded, you would see a powerful emotion shared between two people in love and not the external differences between them. Love has no boundaries or limitations if it is real and real love does not have a certain image. Real love is a powerful feeling shared between any two people who are meant to be together. If two people are happy and in love that is all that matters. The racial differences between people in a relationship are irrelevant compared to the beauty and power of the love that they share.

In the search for true love, a person will date different people over time and gain a lot of insight into what makes a successful relationship. Often people have to experience ups and downs in a relationship in order to learn certain important lessons.  Being in love can be both the best and the worst experience at the same time. There will be smiles and there will be tears but it is the combination of both of these, which allows a person to experience love and life to the fullest.

One of the most important lessons to learn about relationships is that they require the couple to trust each other in order to work. To fully experience the deepest love, a couple needs to place trust in each other in all ways. To trust means to have a consistent feeling of peace and confidence in your heart, this tells you with certainty that it is ok to love your partner fully.  When a person trusts the one they love, they are not suspicious, accusing, jealous or insecure in any way regarding the relationship.  To fully trust is always easier said than done it seems, as situations happen daily that test our ability to trust. 

Also, if a person had been deceived or hurt by trusting a loved one in the past, it makes it even more difficult to trust a lover.  The key thing to remember in such a situation is to try your best to treat each new relationship as a fresh new start and not bring in negative emotional baggage from the past into the present relationship.  In order words trust the person you are with until they personally give you a reason not to trust them.  Don’t make your present lover pay for hurtful mistakes that past lovers had made.  Each new relationship is a separate entity in itself and should be treated that way if possible.

Another significant lesson to be learned from being in various relationships is that you need to treat your partner as you want to be treated yourself.  Show respect allows you to gain respect for yourself.  If you want to be heard, be a good listener yourself.  If you want patience and understanding, show some yourself.  Basically couples mirror each other’s behaviors after a while and if you shower your lover with caring, loving gestures and mannerisms, than you will receive these things in return.  This is generally the case in most relationships. 

Honesty is another key thing in all relationships. It is critical that the couple is always honest with each other at all times.  There is no place for even the smallest lie in a happy and successful relationship.  If you are always honest, you will both a least know the score.  Sometimes honesty is good news, while sometimes honesty means hearing or saying something that may not be pleasant.  Honesty is bitter sweet at times but it is necessary in all relationships. If you are honest with each other, trust is made easier.

Another observation to note is how the person you love makes you feel in their presence.  Does your lover make you feel good or bad most of the time?  It is essential to be able to decipher the difference between a relationship that is good for you and one that is not.  Basically, if you are happy and smiling most of the time in the presence of your partner, chances are they are the one for you.  People should nurture positive relationships for themselves.  To make a relationship worth it, it should bring out the best in each of you most of the time. There will be good times and bad times but the good times should dominate for sure.  So, take a good look at your current relationship and decide if it everything that you need and want.  Be true with yourself and embrace what is best for you always.

There are certain things that a woman can observe about a man, which will tell her if he is interested in her or not.  The most obvious sign of attraction is body language. Also, the things that a man says and the way in which he says it, tells a lot about his level of interest.  Sometimes it is the things that a man doesn’t say, which expresses his interest in a woman.  It is these times that body language expresses more than words do.  Thoughtful and romantic gestures are also characteristic of a man who is interested.

With respect to body language, so much can be learned by the way that a man communicates a message to a woman with his body.  For instance, how a man looks at a woman and the duration of his look can be extremely expressive.  Does he look at her with love and admiration from head to toe or does he merely glance at her and look away?  Does he smile at her when he looks at her?  Does she smile back? Is there a silent and powerful attraction between the man and woman?  Observe how a man moves around a woman.  Does he lean toward her or put his hand on her hand?  Is he expressing interest in her in various ways?  These are the sort of things to look for when wondering if a man is interested in a woman.

If a man is interested in a woman, he will speak highly of her all the time.  It does not matter if he is with her or with his friends or colleagues, a man who is interested in a woman will only say good things about her.  In fact, a man will smile when he says the name of the woman who he is interested in.  Good feelings of attraction or interest will bring a smile to his face.

There are various caring and loving gestures that a man can do for a woman who he is interested in.  For example, a man can send a woman flowers to show his attraction or interest in her. This sort of gesture is always well received by a woman.  Also, when a man surprises a woman with small gifts, it is a sure sign that he is interested in her.

If a man is creative he may write a letter or a poem for a woman who he is interested in.  If he plays music, he may even write her a song and serenade her.  These are definite signs that a man is interested in a woman.  Also these are very obvious signs of attraction.

When a man loses track of what he is saying to a woman, when he is looking at her or talking to her, chances are he is interested in her and finds her a distraction to him.  This is a sort of confusion that one associates with being in love perhaps. When a man is around a woman he is interested in, he goes into almost a dream-like state of happiness.  It is not difficult to tell if a man is interested in a woman.  Just observe his behavior, watch his body language and listen to what he has to say.
All signs of interest or attraction are obvious to an observant woman.

Personal relationships require time to maintain and nurture and this time must be incorporated into a person’s schedule for the relationship to last. Time management is the key to creating good balance in a person’s life. Everyone should distribute their time fairly, among the things that are important to them, their personal relationship being one of them. Problems arise when a person spends too much time on one thing and not enough on another. A person must trust their instincts on knowing what amount of time to spend on what and when. The time required for different aspects of a person’s life changes day to day and a person needs to be flexible regarding this.

Obviously, we all have to work to make a living, so work takes up a lot of our time just by necessity. Also, people need sufficient sleep and time to eat and exercise for their wellbeing. Household chores take up a good portion of a person’s time also. Maintaining a person’s house and raising children also take a good amount of time. What time is left? There is some time for leisure and also time for maintaining and nurturing one’s personal relationship. It is all a matter of balancing one’s time in an effective and fair way.

If something takes a lot of your time, it should be something either important or necessary. On occasion, some things in a person’s life need more attention and this is just how it is. Other days, the same thing will take up less time. It is this sort of give and take and makes up a normal life for most people.

A good relationship is one that has mutual give and take and compromise. For example, if your partner needs to work late some nights, you should be understanding and use that personal time for yourself in a productive way. On the other hand, if you have the work overtime some nights, your partner should exercise the same level of understanding and compromise.

It is all about time management really. People need to make wise choices for themselves in which they distribute their time in a fair, reasonable and considerate way and much as possible. For example, if you are working late and it is your partner’s birthday, you should try your best to make other arrangements in order to be with your partner for that special day. This is just a matter of consideration. On the other hand if there is nothing that you can do to get out of working late, your partner should understand enough to accept that and make other celebration arrangements with you.

It is all about fairness and time management. Give your time to what requires it, if it is your relationship; give time to it, if it is your work, give time to it. Do the best you can in the circumstance that you are in. That is all any of us can do really. If you are able to manage your time fairly and wisely, you and those in your life will be happy.

When it is time to become more serious in a relationship and take it to the next level, it will be mutually obvious. The right relationship will grow more serious naturally. In fact, in the right relationship, the topic of future plans will be a discussion that the couple will bring up mutually and talk about freely and naturally.

True love evolves naturally and almost effortlessly. This is how you can tell if you and your partner are really in love. If you are in a relationship that requires too much work to keep things mutually happy, chances are you are with the wrong person for you. If you are with the right person, plans for the future will just unfold naturally.

For a couple to start making plans for the future together, there needs to be the mutual desire to go to the next level. Often women are the first ones to be ready to commit to a relationship in a serious way but sometimes men are the first ones. It all depends on the situation and the people involved in the relationship.

Generally it is the older person in a relationship who starts taking about future plans first. Sometimes the woman is the older one while other times it is the man. If the woman is the older one in the relationship, she may want to have a family while she still biologically is able to and so wants to settle down as soon as possible to achieve that. If the man is the older one, he may discuss wanting to settle down first but for different reasons. Sometimes, it is the younger person who wants to discuss the future first. It all depends on the people and the situation.

Discussing plans for the future in a relationship is very exciting when a couple is in love and wants to spend their lives together. Making mutual plans for the future together makes a relationship stronger and more meaningful. Day to day happiness is important in a relationship but to know where you are going together in the future is very important. It is a sign of maturity for a couple to discuss and make plans together for their future together.

The only time when discussing the future bring tension into a relationship is when one of the two people are not ready for that level seriousness. Sometimes it is a good thing to have a difference of opinion surface, so that something can be done about it. If it is a matter of not being emotionally ready for this sort of discussion, that is one thing, but if it means that a person does not love you enough for that sort of commitment, that is another. Whatever the case may be, it is best that the truth be exposed so that the couple can act appropriately in the situation.

So, there is no real right time to discuss the future together. It is just something that a person has to sense out for themselves. These kinds of topics usually surface naturally if you are in the right relationship. The key is to identify if the couple is in the relationship for now or for the long term. Obviously, it is best if both people in the relationship want the same thing from it. Long term, meaningful love is always a beautiful thing if that is what you both want. If this is your mutual goal, make plans for the future together and embrace your mutual love fully in all ways!

Often people in relationships are faced with the challenge of keeping their relationship alive from a distance. This can be difficult for people who are used to being together most of the time. Despite these difficulties, distant relationships can thrive, if both people have genuine feelings and put some effort into it.

The first thing that you both need to do to have a successful distant relationship is to stay in contact with each other on a regular basis. Perhaps you can mutually arrange a time when you can both talk on the phone together. The time can be thought of as your distant date together. It does not matter what time of day or ever what day, as long as you agree to this time with each other. By having distant phone dates with each other, on a regular basis, while apart, you will keep your relationship bond strong.

Another way to stay close from a distance is though online chatting or video chatting, where you can actually see each other. A lot can be expressed back and forth through real time text and this can keep you close as a couple even when you are apart. By reading someone’s words you can experience their virtual presence and also if you see them on video, you can enjoy their facial expressions and body language.

Something else that couples can do to keep their relationship strong from a distance is write each other old fashioned, handwritten letters back and forth. There is something very personal about reading someone’s handwriting on his or her unique stationary. Better yet, you can each spray a little perfume or cologne on the paper to add that extra sensual touch! This will surely awaken the senses in each of you, as you eagerly look forward to meeting again.

Sending digital photos to each other can be very nurturing to a distant relationship. Arrange to have someone take some pictures of you and send them along to your loved one. You may want to also take pictures of some of the interesting places around you and email them to your partner to enjoy. The visual essence of photos brings something special to a person who you are apart from.

Finally, when you communicate with each other, express your love and how you miss each other. Speak often of good times that you have shared together, while you are apart. Make plans for when you will be together again and this will bring a peaceful feeling to the distant situation. If a person has fun times to look forward to with their loved one, their spirits will be lifted and they will eagerly wait for the time when they will be together again. If you are both truly in love, distance will not change anything, except to perhaps make your love even stronger. Distance is often the test of true love!

Every relationship has ups and downs and sometimes it can be a challenge to stay positive in a relationship. The important thing to keep in mind is that nobody is perfect and it is normal to have good and bad days with your loved one. Of course the number of happy moments should well exceed the unhappy ones for a relationship to succeed. There are several ways in which couples can keep their relationship positive and happy.

First, it is important to be good communicators with each other. So often, poor communication is at the root of a lot of relationship issues. Both people in a relationship need to equally contribute to creating open communication with each other. The more each other knows and understands about the other, the better the relationship tends to be. It is when one person in the relationship becomes too introverted and does not communicate or has secrets that problems arise. If you find it too difficult to communicate openly in your relationship, you should ask yourself if you are really with the right person for you? When you are with the right person, communication should come naturally between the two of you.

Another key to having a positive relationship is to be patient and understanding of each other. Too often men and women grow impatient with each other and prematurely get upset or frustrated. Sometimes good things are just about to happen when we grow impatient and frustrated. Couples need to exercise more patience and understanding toward each other. The best things in life often require a person to wait or be patient it seems. Don’t deprive yourself of life’s greatest joys by being impatient.

Also, it is important to value the small things in your relationship that you appreciate and which bring you joy. It is though appreciating the little things that people experience a happier relationship and happier life in general. Very often, people need to feel valued and appreciated for the small things that they do for the person that they love. If kind or loving gestures go unnoticed or unappreciated, negativity enters into the relationship. Appreciate a smile, a touch a loving gesture and all the thoughtfulness that your loved one showers toward you. If good things are appreciated, say so and acknowledge the blessings and love around you. Appreciation nurtures the soul and builds love.

If you find that you are not in a good relationship for you, be brave and move on! Don’t stay in a relationship that is filled with negativity and unhappiness. Life is too short to be unhappy. Find a positive and happy relationship for yourself if you are not in one! There is nothing wrong with pursuing personal happiness in your life.

Another significant factor in having a positive relationship is to acknowledge the differences between women and men. Understand that love and caring is expressed in different ways by different people and especially different by men and women. Don’t be so eager to say that someone is right and someone is wrong in a relationship. Accept each other’s difference of approach or differences in perception of things. Again, if you are not on the same page and there are too differences between you, move on! Don’t stay in a relationship in which you are not happy! Find the love of your life!

Sometimes people find themselves in relationships in which one person loses interest in the other or falls out of love for the other. This is not uncommon and should be addressed in a positive way. Don’t pressure a person who is not interested or not in love, just move on with confidence. Nobody has to be identified as a bad person, just move on and respect each other’s differences. After all, relationships are about finding the right person for you. If the person you are with is not the right one, don’t worry about it just move on. The right person is likely just around the corner and you will likely be happier with someone else anyway!

For a relationship to be positive, trust is essential. Each person needs to trust each other in order to experience the deepest love. Being suspicious, jealous, insecure or bitter all result in unhappiness. It is essential to be confident in a relationship in a personal and a relationship context. Never feel like you are with the only person who will ever love you or that you will ever love. There are many compatible people out there in the world. There is no need to feel like it is one particular person or nobody.

When it comes to spending time together in a relationship be creative in your approach. Often people in relationships are busy with other aspects of life outside of the relationship and balance plays an important role. If you can’t meet your loved one in person, call or email them. There are so many ways to communicate these days. You don’t always have to meet in person to meet. Also, a variety of communications adds spice to a relationship. If you are in each other’s face all the time; chances are you will not value each other as much as if you see each other only occasionally. Absence can actually improve a relationship and make it stronger.

If your relationship is a relatively new one, just be yourself and relax. There is no need to be all uptight and nervous around the person that you care about. Also, there is no need to try to be someone that you are not. If you display a false image of yourself, you may risk the person that you care about falling in love with your false personality and not you!

Finally, having a good relationship means building up the one you love everyday! Show them that you appreciate and love them. Listen to the one you love and respond with interest and respect. Sometimes the simple act of listening is a powerful way for loved ones to bond in their relationship. The need to be heard and understood is so important for people. In conclusion, by being very positive toward your relationship, it makes no room for negativity to develop. Positive energy draws positive energy it seems! Give love, and receive love back! It can be that simple!

A good relationship can be defined in so many different ways, depending who you are and what your values are. Generally though, a good relationship is one in which two people bring out the best in each other and are happy most of the time. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship but there are definitely good ones and bad ones. There are several things that a couple can do to make their relationship a good one!

First and most importantly, couples need to acknowledge each other’s differences in a positive way. No two people are the same and this is a good thing. After all, the world would be rather boring if everyone were the same. It is actually the differences between people, which add zest to day to day life. Differences in people make life interesting and fun!

Another thing that a couple can do to nurture their relationship is to make a serious effort to not cast judgment each other and try to not blame each other for things. Also, couples should encourage each other in day to day life. There are enough people in the world to criticize us without couples criticizing each other. It is not very loving be each other’s critic. In fact, it might be a good idea for couples to make a promise to themselves each day to be as supportive to their partner as they can be. To love is to support each other in day to day life.

Something else that helps a relationship thrive is to appreciate and value the positive things that your partner does. Too often, kind and loving gestures get overlooked, when in fact they should be acknowledged and valued. No matter how small the loving gesture is, a couple should make a point of showing appreciation toward each other for such things. It is often the small things in life that mean the most. Also, each day, try to make your partner feel loved and special in some way if you can. Make yourself aware of what your partner needs to feel loved and important and take note of these things. One of the greatest needs in life is to love and be loved. So much negativity comes forward when someone does not feel loved by their partner and this can be avoided by simply showing your love in small ways on a regular basis.

One of the most meaningful things a couple can do for their relationship is to make an effort to change the things that are not nurturing to it. Each person should have an honest look at how to personally improve. It is important to look at one’s self first before looking at your partner. Self- improvement should always come first. Another important thing to consider is love. One must love themselves and their partner. Be observant of how past negative behaviors may be coming into your present relationship. This sort of bringing the past into the present should be avoided if possible. Often people are very reactive about things, which relate to past hurtful experiences. Couples need to come to terms with letting go of past negativity so that their current relationship can thrive.

Finally, be direct and let each other know what you need from the relationship. Tell each other what is important to you and why. Learn to communicate effectively to each other. Heal and grow where needed. Try to build a better relationship together. Remember that if there are negative issues that need to be dealt with to move on, address them. Don’t toss out a good relationship over things that can be changed. It is better to sort out the issues and hold onto a good relationship when you have it.

It is rather amazing actually how there are so many women in the world, yet no two women are the same. Every woman has her own personality, physical appearance, mood and attributes and this uniqueness is what makes her stand out from the rest. It is each woman’s individuality that makes her shine out from a crowd and attract people.

Men have different perspectives on what makes a woman stand out in a crowd. It all depends on the man you are talking to and what he values most in a woman. For example, many men are attracted to the physical aspects of a woman predominantly, while other men value personality and attitude more. Also, there are men who are attracted to a combination of both physical and non-physical attributes of a woman.

Some of the things that men find attractive in a woman are her face, her laugh and her voice. In addition, men have said that they find women’s facial gestures, style and gracefulness attractive. Sometimes, it is how a woman smiles or winks that capture a man’s attention. Other times, a woman’s physique and secrets, lure a man.

It seems that even though physical attraction is a big part of relationships, a woman can attract a man with her emotional and mental intimacy with him. It is often the inner beauty that compliments the outer beauty of a woman. A woman, who is only pretty on the outside, generally does not have a lasting, meaningful relationship with a man because physical beauty does not last forever. On the other hand, there are many men who are only attracted to outer beauty. It is sad in these cases, as often men leave good woman behind, so that they can pursue physical relationships with women who they find physically attractive. Men who leave a woman with inner beauty for one with outer beauty, eventually finds a lot of unhappiness in the long run.

The secrets to making men notice you in a crowd are often to just be authentically yourself. Let you inner and outer beauty shine with all honesty and the man that you attract will likely be drawn to your sincerity. People can pretend to be something they are not, but it generally does not take a person very far. Women need to love and appreciate themselves for their individual uniqueness. Women should find confidence in themselves and let this good attitude show. There is no need to be someone else.

Nobody is drawn to a pretender. Be 100% you and see what outstanding and happy things happen in your life. You may be very surprised by the love that you attract into your life by just being yourself. True love is so rare that when you find it, you must acknowledge it and value it for the blessing that it is. Be the one who stands out from the rest by letting your own light shine!

Often, when in a relationship, couples experience feelings of negativity about themselves, each other or the relationship in general. It is only human to question and assess things sometimes. Even though each individual in a relationship may be well balanced and happy independently, it is not unusual for couples to encounter some negativity in the course of establishing a relationship together. After all, it takes time to find mutual happiness and even when happiness is found, relationships will always have some positive and negative aspects in them. The key is to find the balance between these things, where the positive outshines the negative. Let’s look at ways in which a couple can help to minimize the negativity in their relationship.

First and foremost, couples in relationships must respect each other and their differences.

For instance, it is unfair for a person in a relationship to expect their partner to be the mirror image of themselves, in their actions, perceptions and behaviors. Such an unrealistic expectation is toxic for the happiness and success of a relationship. People are individuals that need to be respected and appreciated for their individuality. The moment a couple does not value or respect each other in this way, negativity comes into the relationship and causes a lot of issues. The key is to respect each other for the ways in which you are both different. Obviously, people in relationships need to have several areas in which they are similar to even be in a relationship, but small differences need to be accepted in respect for individuality. Ironically, it is often these small unique qualities of a person which make them who they are and which also contribute to your attraction to them in ways that you may not even be aware of.

Another way to reduce some of the negativity in a relationship is to give each other some person time. Often, when a couple are in a relationship, it is so easy to become totally absorbed with each other’s company, but after a while, the need for personal time surfaces. You know this is the case when each person’s personal objectives get ignored, along with other personal interests. It is important to create a balance between work, personal time and relationship time to be happy. Time management can sometimes be challenging but is it a necessity to create the needed balance for a happy life and relationship. Personal time allows each person in the relationship to replenish their own personal happiness and entities so that they are content as individuals. Two people who are personal content and happy are better prepared to have a happy and successful relationship together. People need to be happy as individuals, before they can be happy together.

Finally, a couple can reduce the negativity in a relationship by taking time to talk and listen to each other. So often, life gets so busy and couples don’t take time out for their loved one. Too much goes on and life gets such a momentum and couples actually lose touch with each other. A simple solution for this is to take an hour a week and just sit and talk to your partner over a cup of coffee. Maybe you can both go to a coffee shop somewhere or take some coffee outside and sit by the lake and talk. This idea may sound very basic, but it can have a real healing and nurturing effect on a relationship. Take time to tune into each other’s heart, soul and mind and you will find a peaceful happiness!

Many couples experience various levels of insecurity in their relationships. The most common insecurity is jealousy and it can be very destructive to a happy and loving relationship. Jealousy takes varies forms such as anger, fear, hurt, and betrayal, just to name a few. Feelings of agitation, sorrow, paranoia, depression and loneliness often take over when a person feels jealous. A jealous person can be possessive, while feeling inadequate, powerless and excluded. Let’s look at what is at the root of jealousy and how it can be dealt with and eliminated, so that a happy loving relationship can thrive!

The first thing that a jealous person needs to do is to understand the emotions they experience when they are jealous. By narrowing things down and addressing the emotions that are at the root of jealousy, the issues can be dealt with. As a helpful exercise, a person can assign a percentage to each of the negative emotions that they feel when they are jealous. For example, a person might discover that when they are jealous, they may feel scared 50% of the time and angry, powerless, and betrayed for the rest of the time in various percentages. The emotion that dominates should be addressed first in an effort to eliminate jealousy.

After the biggest negative emotion is dealt with, the other emotions can be worked on and sorted out over time. This process of dealing with negative emotions at the root of jealousy needs to be addressed by the couple mutually. The partner of a person, who is jealous, needs to be supportive by offering them reassurance, love and understanding on their journey to moving past their negative emotions.

Basically, fear is the dominating emotion at the root of most jealousy. In particular, there are five types of fears that people are most vulnerable to; fear of the unknown, fear of change, fear of losing control of being weakened, fear of shortage or loss and fear of abandonment. The root of these individual fears may be very complex and personal and it is helpful to understand where these fears may have come from. If a person knows where their fears come from, they can better process them and move past them in a positive way.

Often jealousy results from personal insecurities, such as feelings of worthiness, anxiety around being a sufficient lover and doubts about personal attractiveness or desirability. Jealousy is only the surface emotion. The real issues are deeper than that. Generally, jealousy results from personal needs that have not being met or fears of potential unmet needs. It is key to discover what needs a jealous person fees are not being met. What is a jealous person afraid of? The fight or flight mode is activated when a person feels jealous. They feel that their survival or level of security in a relationship is being challenged or threatened. The solution lies in looking deep into the insecure roots of the matter.

In overcoming jealousy, a person needs to find out what exactly it is that they are afraid of. What is required to make them feel a sense of safety or security in the situation? What is the worst thing that could happen? What are the chances of this happening? The answers to these questions can bring a jealous person some peace, contentment and trust again. Often fear takes over a person’s emotions and once fear is dealt with in a productive way, things become much better and happier in a loving relationship.