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Will didn’t really think we needed to exactly define our relationship but to just let it happen. I felt we needed ground rules.

We talked about moving in together down the road. I had never lived with anyone before and the idea of living with Will both scared and excited me.

The next few months flew by. I met Will’s son and daughter. Justin, age 12, was adorable and I fell in love with him right away. We took Justin to movies with us and I attended Justin’s hockey games with Will. He didn’t seem bothered by the fact that his Dad had a girlfriend or that I was younger than his Dad.

It was a little scarier meeting Miranda who was 15. I was very aware of the fact that I was only 9 years older than her and I was so sure she would hate me on sight. No, she didn’t hate me. But she was definitely more reserved than her younger brother and I’m not sure I really knew where I stood the first few times we got together.

One of the first times we got together with Miranda, she brought a girlfriend with her so she could meet Dad’s “24 year old girlfriend”.

Apparently, the idea was cool–I just didn’t know whether or not I was as cool to her as the idea was.

I think she realized that her Dad was happy so she would go along with the idea of our relationship for the time being, but God help me if I did anything to hurt her Dad.

After a staff picnic that summer, we announced our relationship to the people that we worked with. Some people were completely shocked, other people’s faces held smug smiles, as if to say, I thought there was something going on there.

Over the summer I met most of Will’s family. He had 2 sisters, one older and one younger and 3 younger brothers. His oldest sister had kids older than me and she was very happy to meet me but I am sure that she wasn’t exactly sure what to do with me.

My most serious regret about our age difference was the fact that I didn’t get to meet and get to know Will’s parents. They were both in a nursing home and very ill when we started dating and I don’t know if they even knew that Will was separated from his first wife.

Summer turned into fall and I turned a year older and now we were seriously talking about moving in together. I remember vividly the conversation we had when we decided to move forward with the relationship. Will wanted to be completely upfront with me how he felt.

He loved me and wanted to live with me but he told me quite frankly that he would never marry again and that his kids would always come first. He had had a vasectomy and had no intentions of having any more children and he wanted to me to clearly understand this before we took our relationship to the next level.

That’s a lot of restrictions to put on a relationship before it even gets started. It’s also a lot of provisos for a 25 year old to absorb and agree to. I’m not sure that I could give up the idea of marriage and kids of my own.

Will understood what he was asking from me but he told me honestly as much as he loved his kids there was no way he wanted to start over again at this stage in his life and that his head was more focused on planning his retirement than on planning on nurseries and diaper changing.

How does a 25-year old girl deal with that? Love conquers all, right?

I told Will honestly that giving up any hope of marriage and kids was a very big concession for me to make and not something I could do lightly.

I spent a couple of days and sleepless nights thinking long and hard about what I really wanted for my life.

I couldn’t imagine breaking up with Will but would I be settling if I agreed to his terms. Could I live with someone for the rest of my life and be happy knowing that we would never marry or have children of are own? Could I handle always taking a backseat to his children’s needs? I didn’t want to give up too much of my own identity just because I moved in with Will.

It seemed to be an issue with no clear right or wrong answer. In the end I chose to agree to Will’s terms and deep down I really believed that once we had lived together long enough, he would change his mind.

We moved in together on a cold winter day at the end of January and I was excited and petrified at the same time. It was one thing to spend weekends with someone, but it was completely another to commit to spending all of your life with someone.

In a fairy tale this would be where you would get to the part where we lived happily ever after. Life doesn’t work like that. Making a relationship work is not easy. Both partners have to learn to give and take and to pick your battles. I’m not saying that we weren’t happy. Will and I feel that we are the best things that happened to each other and I thank God every day that he was persistent in his pursuit of me.

We loved each other very much and we learned to make it work. Did the age difference ever get in the way? You betcha. Our friends were different ages and they all had different priorities. Although we had similar tastes in music in some ways, half of the artists that Will was into, I had never heard of before. It was mind boggling to think that when Will started working I was only 2 years old. But just like all new couples, we discovered things about each other and every day was a new experience.

To further Will’s career, we moved across Ontario, and I left my family and friends to begin a new life. A series of coincidences followed that found Will’s estranged wife also moving to the same city we were moving to so Will’s relationship with his children did not change.

Being thrust into the role of a stepmother was wonderful and challenging all at the same time. Miranda and I butted heads a few times and the 9-year difference in age became an issue a few times. It was cool for her Dad to have a young girlfriend at first but it wasn’t so cool when I stuck around. Somehow, without words being spoken we found a way to make it work.

My relationship with Justin was solid, though. Never had a moment’s worry about where I stood with him.

I had this fantasy that I would be able to go out and golf with Will a couple of mornings a week but I was definitely not the natural athlete that he was. I did enjoy planning perennial gardens and doing all sorts of “Susie Homemaker” stuff that I was never able to try while I was working.

The summer flew by and before we knew it we were loading the car up to start our new adventure as snowbirds. I knew this experience I was going to love! A whole winter in Florida! What’s not to love! We had met people in the golf community that were also going to Florida for the winter and would be in the same city that we were renting in and they promised to take us out and show us the lay of the land.

We also knew that Will’s sisters would only be a day’s drive away. His older sister wintered in southern Florida and his younger sister was now leaving in Atlanta, GA.

The mobile home park where we were renting was beautiful and I fell in love with the balmy Florida weather right away. I was, by far, the youngest woman in the park and most residents didn’t know what to make of me.

I got involved in a water aerobics class and joined a Christmas choir and spent afternoons lounging at the pool and catching up on books that I longed to read. I missed my friends and I missed the kids and the grandkids. We had never been away from Will’s kids and the grandkids for more than a couple of weeks at a time and this hit me a lot harder than I would have ever thought.

On Christmas Eve, I was singing in the local Christmas Contata, and that night was the first night I truly felt homesick. We always spent time with Will’s kids and grandkids on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.

On Christmas Day we drove to Atlanta, to spend time with Will’s sister and brother-in-law and I spent almost the whole drive crying that I wanted to go home. Will was completely bemused and didn’t know what to make of my behavior but when we arrived in Atlanta, I was in good company. Will’s sister, Mary, was also crying. This would be the first Christmas not spent with her son so we cried and laughed together, happy that, at least, we were with family.

New Year’s Eve found us in southern Florida and spending time with Will’s oldest sister, Laura, and I felt as if I had arrived home. Finally, I felt at ease with her and we spent wonderful days shopping and getting to know each other better. I lost my shyness and awkwardness around her. I knew from Will that she was much like his mother and, so, even though I had never gotten the chance to meet and get to know Will’s mother, I felt as if I had found the next best thing.

Laura and her husband enjoyed spending time with us so much that they decided they were ready for a change and they moved closer to us in central Florida.

I loved that first winter but by the time we returned home in the spring, I knew that I would have to find myself a job. I was so used to having my own money and I wanted my independence back.

Will also knew that he would have to get some sort of job to fill his time. Golfing every day the year before had been a new experience but he knew he wouldn’t be happy doing the same thing this year.

So we both got jobs at the golf course. I became a singing waitress and Will starting cleaning and doing dishes and ended up working with the chef in the kitchen. He finally had a job using his passion!

We spent nine years summering in Canada and wintering in Florida before Will decided he was ready for a change. I resisted the idea of selling our place in Florida but ready for a new challenge.

After much soul-searching, we ended up buying a 3 bedroom bungalow in northern Ontario where Will was born raised and where I spent a lot of my summers.

I started a new career with a home based business which kept me at home for 3 meals a day for most of the month while Will finally had a chance to really enjoy his retirement.

And so I have just about brought you up to date in our saga Will is now 65 and I’m 48. It’s funny. I’m older now than Will was when he first asked me out and yet I don’t think of me as old at all. Age really doesn’t mean anything at all. It’s just a number and its true – you’re only as old as you feel.

We now have 4 grandchildren: Miranda has 2 boys age 20 and 15; Justin has 2 girls – age 13 and 10.

I asked Will recently if he feels whether the age difference has ever been an issue in our lives. He shook his head no. When I asked whether he felt that the age difference would become an issue as we became older he doesn’t think it will. And if it does, we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. We’ll meet that challenge just as we’ve met other challenges in our life – head on.

I truly believe that we were meant to be together. We might not have started out our relationship in a conventional way but we always were open and honest with each other.

I guess I finished growing up with Will by my side and he helped me become the strong, independent woman that I have become. I believe that I helped Will believe in love again and that love transcends age. He probably wouldn’t exactly put it that way, but the sentiment is there.

We’ve learned how to make our blended family work. Our families have come to understand and respect the love that we continue to show to one another and I don’t think anyone doubts our commitment to each other. After spending half of my life with this man I am looking forward to growing old with him and taking on whatever life has to throw at us.

Will the age difference become an issue as we grow older? I don’t know. But I do know that I love this man with all that I have and I am sure if our age difference becomes an issue we will figure out a way to work it out.

I loved to walk and found out that Will did also. We decided to walk along one of the trails near our apartment buildings and walked at least two or three miles. We talked about everything: music we liked, favorite authors, favorite foods and to my surprise we had a lot of commons interests.

I was surprised when our walk had brought us back in front of Will’s place. He asked me if I wanted to come up and, until that moment, I had no intention of going up to his place. I had a feeling where it would lead and I really did not want to complicate either of our lives. He waited patiently while I turned his invitation over in my mind wondering what had gotten into me. After a couple of minutes, I nodded. We were quiet during the ride in the elevator and I could feel my heart pounding and my hands were sweating.

After entering Will’s apartment our conversation became awkward. Will set me at ease by offering to fix me a cup of tea and we just sat in his living room and chatted about movies we’d seen and TV shows we watched.

I think I might have kissed him first and inevitably we ended up in his bedroom. Will insisted later to friends that that was my intention all along but until I said that I would go upstairs with him, I had not the slightest notion to ever sleep with him again.

Over the next few months, Will and I spent a lot of time together. I also dated a couple of other guys off and on but no one could make me laugh the way that Will did. No one at work knew what was happening. I’m sure a few suspected but we tried to keep everything quiet – my idea.

I found Will to be funny, charming, and very attentive. Not like some of the guys that I had dated that was my own age. He was very interested in what I had to say and what I wanted to do when we went out. I took careful note of my likes and my dislikes. He was a fantastic cook – an art I had never mastered and he loved discovering what I liked and didn’t like and loved introducing me to foods I had never tried before. I found my finicky food habits were disappearing.

We attended movies and concerts together. He even took me to an Elvis musical. We had front row seats for that and I was taken aback when the Las Vegas Elvis motioned for me to join him on stage and sang “Can’t Help Falling In Love With You” to me while he wrapped his sweat soaked scarf around my head. I thought “Oh My God!! Did Will arrange this?” I wasn’t sure whether it was just coincidence or not.

I loved spending time with him but had not even thought about falling in love with him. After all, he was the same age as my mother.

Most people at work still did not know that we were seeing each other, although I did confide in my boss and another friend about our friendship. I never thought of it as a relationship exactly. We were just two people enjoying each other’s company. Weren’t we?

One day after work, over drinks at our neighborhood bar, Will took my hand and said, “I think I am falling in love with you”.

To my horror, I actually choked on my drink and watched it spray all over him. I couldn’t believe his words and speechless, struggled to find words to respond.

“I thought we were just having fun”/

“So did I. I had no intentions of ever feeling this way about someone again. This wasn’t supposed to happen.”

I didn’t know what to say. “Can’t we just leave things the way that we are? Why does anything have to change?”

Will replied that nothing had to change but I felt that it already had.

I have little memory of the rest of the evening. I think we finished our drinks and we went out for dinner as planned but I ended up not spending the night with Will but went home alone saying I felt a migraine coming on.

I’m not sure why the thought of Will following in love with me sent me into such a panic but it did. Was it the 17 year age difference! He was a lot of fun, but was there any future for us? What exactly was he implying when he said he was falling in love with me? What exactly did that mean? Did that mean he wanted a relationship? Marriage? He wasn’t exactly what I had in mind for my knight in shining armor that was going sweep me off of my feet and take me away somewhere where we would live happily ever after.

That weekend, I called an old friend from back home and asked if I could come for a visit. I knew I had plenty of holidays and I just wanted to get out of town for a few days and think about what was happening.

Will didn’t ask many questions when I told him I was going out of town, but told me to call him, day or night, if I wanted to talk. I agreed and we said our good-byes.

I hadn’t been back to my hometown for a while and I hadn’t seen my friend, Terri, since her wedding a couple of years before. Her husband, Richard, made himself scarce while I was there giving us plenty of time to catch up.

It was just like old times. We talked all night the first night I was there about books, and movies, and how marriage was treating her and what was going on with my love life. I told her about Will and a couple of the other guys I had dated.

Over a second glass of wine, Terri asked, OK Barbra what gives?”

“What are you talking about?”

“What are you doing here?”

“Can’t I come and spend a few days with an old friend?”

“Sure, any time but you’ve been acting skittish since you got here and I have a feeling it has to do with this Will you keep going on about.”

So I finally sat down and told her the whole story. How we met, how old he was, that I had been sleeping with him, and that he told me he was in love with me. I tried to explain that I liked him and that he made me laugh, but love? I don’t think so.

Three years passed and our relationship strengthened with every new challenge.

Will watched me struggle with the issue of not having children while I watched Miranda get pregnant with her first child and I did bring up the possibility of us having children, adopting, or having foster children. He did remind me that he had been crystal clear about his position on more children and I admitted that I had secretly hoped that he would change his mind.

He shook his head and told me on this issue he would not waiver. He looked forward to being a grandfather. He could spoil grandchildren when possible, and then hand them back to their parents when he had had enough. And so I became a step-grandmother at the tender age of 28.

It took me another couple of years before I was able to reconcile the fact that I would not be having children. Another regret about the age difference – I knew we would have made very beautiful children. There will probably always be a small, hidden-away place in my soul that houses this regret but the life that we have made with each other has certainly been rich and fulfilling enough to make it a small price to pay.

We lived together happily for close to nine years before Will’s resolve to never marry again dissolved. I’m not really sure what prompted his change of heart.

I just know that one day; he came to me with documents to do his own divorce and asked me for help in completing them. I was astonished.

“What does this mean? I asked. “Does this mean we are getting married?” He didn’t answer right away but gave me one of those maddening, wicked smiles of his and asked, “Why, do you want to get married?”

I thought that was as close as I was going to get to a proposal but he surprised me by saying, “I know we were supposed to be a one-night stand. Well, it’s been one, long beautiful night.” That was good enough for me. Just when I thought that Will fell short of being romantic, he always did or said something to surprise me. After his divorce became final and as we planned our small, intimate wedding, everything felt romantic and right.

We were married in his brother’s backyard on a cool August afternoon. My sister gave me away and Will’s brother and sister-in-law were our best man and matron of honor.

Will was 51 and I was almost 34. Ten years had passed since Will has begun his pursuit of me. It seems inconceivable to me that that much time had passed.

We didn’t see each other the morning of the wedding. My sister and I had planned a spa day and had manicures and pedicures and had our hair done before getting dressed for the wedding.

The whole day had a dream-like quality to it and yet I felt such clarity. I spent a lot of time going back over our years together. We both knew that the day might come when the age difference between us might get in the way but we decided that life was too short to worry about might be’s and could be’s and we would let love steer our course. I thought I would feel nervous and get a case of cold feet that day but instead I carried the feeling that this was all meant to be.

If I had been nervous that Will would get cold feet, the moment that he saw me walking “down the aisle” quelled any doubts. He looked at me as if I was the most beautiful woman in the world. It was the first day that I felt truly beautiful. His eyes were full of love and he looked as if he’d forgotten about everyone else that was there.

Although it was a traditional ceremony, we didn’t have a formal reception, but a backyard party with friends and family to celebrate our marriage.

It was a great party and we left everyone partying and drove ourselves to the honeymoon suite that I had arranged for that night. Our planned honeymoon of doing nothing but relaxing ended up being a whirlwind trip of traveling all over Ontario but we had a month of unlimited time together, lots of time to renew our commitment to one another.

Will had started seriously thinking of retirement and I felt as it my career was just getting started but I loved the passionate way that Will spoke when telling me of his plans. While on our honeymoon, we did discover the place where we decided we would retire. It was a beautiful place and I was excited as he was as we started making plans.

Retirement, we thought, was still four years away but it was fun planning on what we were going to do. Our plans changed abruptly when Will was offered a golden handshake 2 years later. After quite a bit of soul-searching, Will and I decided he would take the golden handshake and we would retire early. I was about to be the youngest retiree in history.

We spent the next few months planning the next phase of our life. We would leave the city and purchase a park model home in a golf-course community and stay there for the summers and then spend our winters in Florida. We decided to rent in Florida the first year until we found something suitable there to buy. Will’s older sister and her husband already had a retirement home in Florida and we decided we would join them.

I was a little nervous about this next phase in our life but Will’s excitement carried me along and I started joking with our friends that I was on the Freedom 35 Plan.

I quit work a few weeks after Will officially retired and we began to organize our move to the golf course community. Another move away from family and friends but we weren’t going to be too far away – only a couple of hours.

I loved our new home. It was smaller than the townhouse that we had rented but it was all ours. Well ours and the banks. We had a blast that summer. Will played golf every day. I took lessons although

I knew from the get-go that I was going to be completely hopeless. We did go out a few times to play 9 holes together but it became obvious very quickly, that this would be one area where we would not be riding off into the sunset together.

During my visit, we spent time shopping and catching up on our lives.

Before I left, we kept to our usual tradition of going out to our favorite Italian restaurant.

“I still haven’t figured out what I am going to do about Will. What am I going to do, Terri? How am I going to let him down gently? I’ll have to break it off with him.”

Terri smiled at me from across the table, and took my hands. “Sweetie, I’ve listened to you ramble on for the past few days. It’s been Will this, and Will that. You know, for someone who swears she’s not in love with him, you talk like someone who’s in love.”

“I do not!” I exclaimed!! “I am not in love with Will!”

“Are you sure? I think the lady doth protest too much”. I sat back in my chair and tried to come up with a snappy comeback but nothing came to me.

“Terri, he’s the same age as Mom! Where exactly is this relationship going to go? He’s got a 15-year old daughter and a 12-year old son! I haven’t even met them yet! Let’s say we decide to see where this relationship is going to go. What are his kids going to say about this? What if they hate me? What if I don’t like them?”

“His age didn’t keep you from sleeping with him. How will you know where the relationship could go if you don’t give it a chance? Are you sure you aren’t in love with him? Just take one step at a time. Worry about the kids when you figure out where this is going. You and Will will work it out together. I think you should call Will tonight and see what happens.”

I thought about what she said and then thought about Will. Just thinking about him made me smile. And then I really started to miss him so I took Terri’s advice and called him.

He didn’t sound surprised at all to hear from me. I was worried our conversation would be awkward but it wasn’t it all. I told him I had been talking to Terri about him, about us, and that he had told me that he was falling in love with me.

I asked him if he meant it, and if he did what exactly did that mean. Where did he see our relationship going from there? He told me honestly that he didn’t know. He knew that he wanted to make our relationship exclusive and he didn’t want to keep it a secret any longer.

He told me that he had told his children that he was seeing someone and that he wanted them to meet me. That blew my mind.

He asked me again how I felt and I told him that I wasn’t sure. I told him what Terri had asked me and I told him that I was confused about everything.

We ended up talking the whole night on the phone and I didn’t want to hang up

I told him when I would be returning home by train and asked if he could take the day off so we sit down and discuss this seriously. I still didn’t know how far I wanted to go with this relationship. He agreed. I told him that I would call him after I got back to my place and that after I showered and made myself presentable, I would call him.

I was taking an overnight train and I always looked frightful after that train trip. The trip home itself was uneventful but my mind was full of what-if’s and could-be’s. I turned over my conversations with Terri and my all night phone call with Will and kept asking myself could this man really be “the one”.

It was a long night and I definitely did not get much sleep on the long trip home. When the train pulled into the station, I started to sweat. Now on top of fuzzy teeth, gummy contact lenses, disheveled hair, I was turning into one big sweat gland.

At least, I thought as I made my way towards the escalator, I would have a chance to make myself beautiful before my reunion with Will.

As I stifled a yawn, I happened to glance up at the top of the escalator and to my shock; Will was standing there with a sheepish grin on his face and holding a bouquet of flowers.

I swear to God, my heart skipped a beat! I was so happy to see him and then tears came to my eyes when I realized what a sight I must seem to him. I wanted everything to be perfect and I looked a mess! When I reached the top of the escalator, Will was right there and he literally swept me off my feet. My bags hit the floor, momentarily forgotten, as he held me in the biggest hug.

After he finally let my feet touch the ground again, he thrust the bouquet of flowers and a little gift box towards me and confessed that he missed me so much, that he couldn’t wait to see me again.

He picked up my bags and steered me towards the taxi stand. During the drive home, he told me that we would go straight to his place, and if I felt I had to, I could shower there. I could feel myself start to panic again. I didn’t have a chance to clear my head or organize my thoughts.

He seemed to understand my feelings and took my hands in his and said, don’t worry, we have all day.

Back at his place, while I showered, brushed my teeth, and changed into some clean clothes, he surprised me by cooking me breakfast. The smell of sizzling bacon and eggs seemed to calm me down and I decided to stop trying to over think everything and resolved to just let whatever was going to happen, happen.

Breakfast was delicious. Between bites, we talked about our experiences over the last few days. Again I told him about my conversation with Terri over dinner and that I had done a lot of thinking during the train ride home.

“But it wasn’t till I saw you at the train station, holding the bouquet of flowers that it really hit that I have fallen in love with you/”

Food forgotten, he reached across the table and kissed me hard. All my concerns evaporated and no more words were spoken as he led me towards the bedroom.

Later, we both decided it was time for reality to set in and we decided to discuss where we went from here. This is where things were going to get sticky.

As I walked out my door, I thought to myself that I would just make sure that I didn’t stay long enough to get myself into any trouble. Lora and Carl caught me up on all the goings-on at work. It never failed. Something was always happening at work.

I finished my glass of wine, and decided to hit the powder room before saying my good-byes. When I walked back into Will’s living room I noticed that Lora and Carl were missing. They left while I was in the bathroom. Ah man!! I’ve been set up! I hate when that happens.

I told Will that I had to get going and picked up my jacket to leave. He coaxed me into staying for one more glass of wine and I didn’t want to seem rude so I agreed to one more glass.

It wasn’t long before he was asking me to stay overnight and again I refused. I told him all the reasons why it couldn’t work out. We work together, we were friends, I didn’t want to ruin the friendship, he was the same age as my mother, we worked together, and he was the same age as my mother ….

He put his arm around me, looked deep into my eyes and responded, “But Barbra, I don’t want to marry you, I just want to take you to bed.” He looked so sincere, and so endearing, and his eyes were so blue that I could not think of a satisfactory comeback … so I let him lead me into his bedroom.

I was worried about workplace complications so I tried to make him understand that this could only be a one night stand. He smiled, knowingly, and then stated that I would be back. I told him again that this could only be a one night stand but he just smiled again.

It was a wonderful evening and I left Will’s place with a warm glow on my face.

The next couple of days of my course flew by and before I knew it, the weekend had arrived. No call from Will, though. I was so certain that he had enjoyed the evening as much as I, and even though I insisted on a one night stand, I was sure since he had pursued me for months, he would at least call me and tell me that he had had a nice time.

All weekend I waited for the phone to ring. I even checked to see if my phone was working properly, and then I began to fume. I couldn’t believe it. I was so certain that he was not one of those guys who pursued a girl until she was a conquest and then paid her not the slightest bit of attention. OK, granted, I insisted on a one night stand but he asked me out for months!!! Not even a follow up phone call!!

I planned on giving him a piece of my mind when I saw him again, and then I thought, why wait? I looked up his number and decided I would call him. When Will answered the phone he sounded too pleased to see me that I forgot all the harsh words I meant to hurl at him and after a brief chat we made plans to go for a long walk together later that day.

I loved to walk and found out that Will did also. We decided to walk along one of the trails near our apartment buildings and walked at least two or three miles. We talked about everything: music we liked, favorite authors, favorite foods and to my surprise we had a lot of commons interests.

I was surprised when our walk had brought us back in front of Will’s place. He asked me if I wanted to come up and, until that moment, I had no intention of going up to his place. I had a feeling where it would lead and I really did not want to complicate either of our lives. He waited patiently while I turned his invitation over in my mind wondering what had gotten into me. After a couple of minutes, I nodded. We were quiet during the ride in the elevator and I could feel my heart pounding and my hands were sweating.

He took me to a really nice caf̩ and we had a great time. He was very personable and I found out a little more about Will. He was legally separated and had 2 children Рboy and girl, ages 12 and 15.

Fifteen years old!! Only 9 years younger than I! I couldn’t believe it.

After lunch, we walked back to the office, he apologized again, I accepted his apology again, and thanked him for a great lunch. I didn’t thing another thing about it and went back to work.

After work, I was meeting a few co-workers at a local bar to discuss about the possibility of having a winter skating party. There were about eight of planning the outing and when I walked in, I was surprised to see Will there. He had found out about us planning a party and wanted to help out. Apparently, according to people he’d been on the road with, he was a chef, and he offered to make his famous chili and garlic bread to warm us all up after our skate.

Inwardly, I’m groaning and wondering why we were being thrown together again, but I shrugged my thoughts aside and pitched my ideas for the party. Before long we had the nuts and bolts of the party worked out and the planning committee began to leave.

Will stopped me with an offer to take my out to dinner. “I really feel as if I still need to make things up to you”, he said. “Don’t be silly”, I replied, “All is forgiven”.

“Still, you need to eat”. He had a point. And still being the starving single girl on limited income, I took him up on his offer. We walked to a pub just up the street and, again, Will was very personable and supper was very enjoyable.

He offered me a drive home afterwards, which I accepted but halfway home, he asked me to spend the night with him. I couldn’t believe my ears! He buys my two meals and thinks I’m going to jump into bed with him! I politely declined and, to his credit, he didn’t push the issue but drove me home.

Over the next few months, Will and I ran into each other at different work luncheons and functions, and a couple of parties and he always managed to find time to ask me out again. I declined every time. I couldn’t help admiring his persistence, though. He was always very courteous, and took my refusals with good grace.

It was after one particular party that things were about to change. Will invited us all to a spaghetti party at his place. My pals were planning on attending so, of course, I had to be there. I resolved to make sure that I didn’t end up alone with Will. I also decided that I would try to be one of the first to leave.

The party was a blast and Will’s spaghetti and meatballs were delicious! As I was trying to find my jacket and take my leave, Will managed to corner me and asked me out again. Once again I turned him down.

I said my good-byes and reminded people that I wouldn’t be in the office the following week because I was taking a work related course out of town.

The following Wednesday evening after I had finished supper, the phone rang and it was Lora, a friend from work calling. She was calling from Will’s place. Lora and her boyfriend, Carl, had dropped in on Will for a couple of drinks and they mentioned that they had not seen me at work and were worried about me.

I reminded them again that I was on a course. They had entirely forgotten about that but asked me to join them at Will’s place for a drink. Apparently, there was tons of wine left over from Will’s party on the weekend. I knew I had to be up early the next morning so at first I refused but Lora’s coaxing me finally convinced me to go over for one glass of wine.

As I walked out my door, I thought to myself that I would just make sure that I didn’t stay long enough to get myself into any trouble. Lora and Carl caught me up on all the goings-on at work. It never failed. Something was always happening at work.

I finished my glass of wine, and decided to hit the powder room before saying my good-byes. When I walked back into Will’s living room I noticed that Lora and Carl were missing. They left while I was in the bathroom. Ah man!! I’ve been set up! I hate when that happens.

I’ve always looked younger than I really am and he found it hard to believe that I was 24. “You’re just a baby”, he said.

“Well, how old are you anyway?” I countered.

“How old do you think I am?” he asked.

I hate when people do that! I have never been very good at guessing people’s ages. I knew that he was older than most of the rest of our group. Most of the people I worked with were between 20 and 30. He had a young face but his hair was completely silver. He confessed that he had been grey since his early 20’s – a family trait.

I guessed that he was in his late 30’s. He kept me wondering for a while but finally revealed that he was 41.

“41! 41!!! 41!!! Oh my God”, I cried, “You’re the same age as my mother!! Oh my God, I couldn’t believe it. Everyone at the table laughed.

Over drinks, Will asked me out for the first time. I just shook my head and said, “I can’t go out with you! You’re old enough to be my mother!” He laughed but told me he was determined that I would go out with him. I just shook my head again and told him I also didn’t date guys that I worked with.

Shortly after, we left for the party and I forgot all about Will’s proposition.

There were over 200 people there – employees, sub-contractors, wives and girlfriends, husbands and boyfriends. It was a total madhouse.

I found myself a glass of wine and looked around for my friends and found Will amongst them. I inwardly groaned hoping Will wasn’t going to become a problem, but made my way over to my friends and decided to just politely ignore Will.

He was hard to ignore though. He was very charming and regaled all of us with amusing stories about them being on the road. Will managed to catch me alone and again asked me out. I explained again that I did not date guys I worked with and reminded him again that he was the same age as my mother. In fact, I told him, maybe I would fix him up with my mother the next time she was in town.

I spent the rest of the evening mingling but somehow Will managed to find me. By this time, he had also had too much to drink and his proposals were getting more lewd. What happened to the polite man I spent 3 years talking on the phone to?

By the time I left the party, I hoped I never laid eyes on Will again. I felt humiliated. In front of everyone we worked with, he asked me to go to bed with him. Everyone thought he was so funny but I still couldn’t get over the difference in his behavior.

Monday morning rolled around and I was determined to keep things “business as usual”. The morning went by quickly and it was almost lunch time when I looked up to find a sheepish Will standing over my desk with a huge bouquet of flowers.

Pete, the host of the party, had found Will that morning and told him he owed me a huge apology. Will did not remember anything that he had said to me at the party and asked my forgiveness. He also wanted to take me to lunch.

I told him that his apology was accepted but lunch wasn’t necessary. He insisted, and since I was a starving single girl who couldn’t really turn down a free lunch, I accepted his lunch date.

He took me to a really nice caf̩ and we had a great time. He was very personable and I found out a little more about Will. He was legally separated and had 2 children Рboy and girl, ages 12 and 15.

Fifteen years old!! Only 9 years younger than I! I couldn’t believe it.

After lunch, we walked back to the office, he apologized again, I accepted his apology again, and thanked him for a great lunch. I didn’t thing another thing about it and went back to work.

I grew up believing that there was one person out there that was meant for us. Sounds hopelessly romantic, right? Guilty as charged. Blame the Harlequin Romances and old black and white movies that I gobbled up as a young teenager.

If a person is to believe that then it stands to reason that our looks, religious background, social standing, even a difference in age shouldn’t and couldn’t matter.

My parents’ marriage didn’t fit in with my romantic ideals, nor were they the best examples of what marriage or relationships were all about. They were just two people living life the best way they knew how while raising a family.

Mom and Dad didn’t discuss their relationship. They didn’t talk about their feelings. I can’t even remember how old I was when I discovered that there was a 10 year age difference between them. Not that it mattered. They were Mom and Dad.

It’s hard to believe that 24 years have gone by since the first time I laid eyes on Will. It boggles my mind that I’ve spent half of my life with this man.

It seems as if it was just yesterday when I decided that my romantic dreams were just that, dreams. There was no Mr. Right out there for me. I would just have to settle for the dead-end relationships that I kept finding myself in.

I was so sure I knew what I was looking for in a man yet every time I thought I had found that someone special, he ended up being more Mr. Wrong than Right.

The ironic twist in my search for everlasting love is that once I stopped looking for Mr. Right, he found me. I just didn’t realize it at first.

Will and I spoke on the phone for 3 years before we actually met. We both worked for the same company – he was on permanent travel status and I was at head office and responsible for making travel arrangements for him and his team as well as processing their travel claim.

We spoke at least once a week. I wouldn’t speak to each individual team member unless there was a specific problem – I would speak to the Project Manager.

He was always very pleasant on the phone. He never raised his voice or got angry when things went wrong (something was always going wrong with so many people being on the road at the same time). He just took a deep breath and then said, “OK, how do we fix this?”

He sounded so yummy on the phone – both my supervisor and I were half in love with him. He always had a joke or a funny story for us. He sounded young and vibrant and tall. I remember asking my supervisor if she knew what he looked like but she didn’t really remember who was chosen after the interviews. Will was hired and sent out to Vancouver immediately.

We were implementing a countrywide computer system back before I knew what the internet or the worldwide web was.

Will was sent from one end of the country to the other and I was always the person on the other end of the phone that kept things organized for him.

Three years passed, the project was successful, and I would finally have a chance to meet Will. All the teams were coming home to attend a party to celebrate the success of the project.

The Project Managers showed up at the office the afternoon of the party for a meeting with the Director and to introduce themselves to some of the staff before the party. It was great finally getting to put faces to the names.

I heard Will’s voice before I saw him. I turned around to introduce myself and managed to keep a smile plastered on my face as I held out my hand.

He wasn’t bad looking. He definitely had a pleasant face to go with his voice but he was short and definitely older than I expected. Ah, well, I thought fantasies never hold up to reality. That’s life.

The afternoon passed quickly and a group of us had arranged to meet for drinks at a local bar before the party. Will and some of the other roadies were invited to join us and it turned out that Will and I were sitting across from each other at the same table.

Of course, we exchanged pleasantries. He was easy to talk to and told great stories. He made me laugh. Everyone at our table started exchanging life histories. I found out that Will was legally separated and had 2 children.

I’ve always looked younger than I really am and he found it hard to believe that I was 24. “You’re just a baby”, he said.

“Well, how old are you anyway?” I countered.

 

More to come on this story…

Does it matter what the age difference is in a relationship? There are various opinions on this, depending on who you are. Somehow it seems that when a person gets to a certain age the difference in age between partners in a relationship does not matter as much. This magic age seems to be about age 19 or 20 for a lot of people. There are a number of variables that come to mind when thinking about age differences.

Historically, many men have had relationships with women who are younger than they are. This has related to matters of fertility and also pre-arranged marriages. In the past decade or so though, an age gap in which the man is 1-3 years older is not uncommon. The percentage of older women having relationships with younger men is now increasing.

With regard to marriage, it has been proven that the age gap between partners increases between the first and the second marriage. Mind you, depending on the situation, an excessively large age gap can be dysfunctional in some cases. As previously mentioned, there are several variables which determine if age gap actually influences the success of a romantic relationship or not.

Studies have proven that there is also an increase in the number of people who are the same age in relationships together. When this happens, the numbers of older people living alone actually decreases. When older women marry younger men, the number of widows decreases. There are several outcomes, which are impacted by the age gaps of people in relationships.

As mentioned, once a person reaches the age of 19 or 20, the importance of age difference seems to diminish. For instance it would not seem unusual for a person who is 19 or 20 to be dating a man or woman who is 10-15 years older than them. The important thing is that the younger person is of age to be involved in a relationship with an older person. The two in a relationship need to be mature in their attitude toward the relationship.

In most relationships, it is not age that matters but rather spiritual, emotional and mental compatibility between two people. Each person needs to have qualities that the other person is looking for and wants in a relationship. The maturity of two people is important in a relationship, regardless of their age. Maturity does not always relate to age either. A young person can be more, mature in attitude than an older person for that matter. It is important to share interests and values and to be on the same wavelength as each other. When two people really connect and love each other in a genuine way, age does not matter.

Are you a man who is thinking of striking up long term relationship with a woman who is more than 15 years younger than you? Since the beginning of time, men have been attracted to young, nubile women. Mother Nature dictates that men of any age will feel an urge to seek out a fertile vessel in which to plant his seed. At middle age, women view Mother Nature as rather mean in this regard. “May-December” romances are judged harshly by women above the age of 45. The criticism of your mother, ex-wife, daughters, aunts, and female cousins and friends will come your way the moment you make your plans public.

You will hear references to “gold diggers,” and “horny old fools,” more frequently than you have ever heard them before. If you are fortunate enough not to hear these comments, don’t dupe yourself into thinking these things are not being said about you, because they are. You may become so single-minded in defending yourself that you fail to consider the more significant aspects of marrying outside your own generation. How others judge your relationship is much less important than the personal issues you may be wrestling as you consider what your life will be like with someone who was born in a different time.

Will you be able to find things in common with your young love? Will her tastes and sensibilities vary greatly from your own? Will she still be interested in you when you begin to age more rapidly than she? Will the two of you be able to agree on whether or not to have children? Will you be able to keep up with her? Why is she interested in you?

There are currently four generations of adults of marrying age on planet Earth. Each generation has its own distinct values system. Although individuals may vary in their level of maturity, the generation to which a person belongs has a strong influence on how s/he will view the world. The world view of each generation is generally shaped by the major societal events that impacted the generation.

Traditionalists were born between 1922 and 1942. The Great Depression, World War II, and Pearl Harbor were defining events in their life. As a generation they tend to value hard work, loyalty, patriotism, law and order, and respect for authority. They were taught to respect their elders, and may still embrace the philosophy that “Father knows best.”

Baby Boomers are those who were born between 1943 and 1960. Defining events that shaped Boomer values included the advent of television, the Civil Rights Movement, Vietnam, street drugs, and the birth control pill. Currently, Boomer tend to value health and wellness, prosperity, personal growth, individual freedom, and community involvement.

Generation X-ers were born between 1960 and 1980. Watergate, Tiananmen Square, the fall of the Berlin Wall, Dessert Storm, and the invention of personal computers served as defining events for this generation. They tend to value diversity, rapid change, global thinking, shared responsibility, and pragmatism. They are the “Just do it!” generation.

Generation whY is comprised of those born after 1980. Defining events impacting this generation include 9/11, the Iraq War, the end of busing, the end of Apartheid, school violence, multiculturalism, and TV talk and reality shows. They value civic duty, achievement, self-sufficiency, and diversity, and they like to “say it and play it loud.”

A person’s values system is deeply engrained and not easily changed by others. Do give ample consideration to your basic values system and world view when selecting a mate. Give their world view consideration as well. Can you live compatibly with someone who may see the world much differently than you?

Communication challenges sometimes occur between people of different generations. Since you have different points of reference and comparison, it may be difficult to relate meaningfully to someone who has little to no knowledge of the defining events of your life. Are you willing to interject short history lessons into casual conversation to make yourself understood by your young mate? Are you willing to be educated about issues that are currently important to your new love although you may have outgrown your interest for these topics years ago?

Another consideration has to do with life experience. The longer we live, the more life experience we accumulate. It is from our experience that we learn and grow mentally, physically, and spiritually. It is expected that the older you become, the wiser you should become. Wisdom results from synthesizing life experience into life lessons, and is sometimes misinterpreted by the young. They feel that older adults are simply “stuck in their ways,” and closed minded, rather than to believe that mature individuals have come to realize and appreciate the universal truths that are unwavering over time. Are you willing to have your wisdom challenged by someone who has not yet had the opportunity to grow wise?

Much as men have an attraction to beautiful young women, women have an attraction to motherhood. Although today’s women of child bearing age may wish to delay having children until they are in their mid-thirties, the inclination to be a mother surfaces eventually. The loud ticking of the biological clock is a sound that is hard for most women to ignore. If your young bride should decide that she would like to have children, will you be ready to tackle sleepless nights and potty training at your current stage of life?

Living with someone younger than yourself, whether it be a new love interest, or your teen-something to twenty-something children, will serve as a constant reminder of how old you are. Their physical vitality, energy level, taste in music, fashion, movies, literature, and recreational pursuits may contrast with your own. Some believe that being with younger people will keep you young, and indeed it may, but do give some consideration to how your life will change if you decide to adopt the tastes and sensibilities of someone from another generation.

The aging process has been compared to a snowball rolling downhill. The farther it rolls, the faster it rolls. The physical aging of the human body begins to accelerate over age 50. First little things start to surface like facial wrinkles, gray hair, indigestion, insomnia, or minor aches and pains. Then more alarming changes occur like short memory lapses, the need for dietary changes, and the need for minor surgeries such as gall bladder removal, or joint repair. This stage often progresses to more major health concerns such as heart health issues, blood pressure problems, prostrate enlargement, and risk of serious, long term illnesses.

Although it is easy to dismiss aging issues while you still feel energetic and vital, they do deserve some consideration in the context of a long term relationship. Will your young mate be willing to alter their lifestyle to accommodate your physical needs as you grow older? Will she still find you desirable and attractive? Will your mate be willing to care for you if you need assistance as you age?

There are a number of reasons that you might want to select a younger mate. She may be physically attractive, and her presence may rejuvenate you. You will be the envy of your male friends, relatives, and business associates. She can give you a fresh start in life, including a new family if you choose to have children. She will extend you genuine admiration, and try hard to please you. All of these things might be quite alluring to you. The question that remains, however, is, “Why does she want to be involved with you?”

Young women may be attracted to older men because they represent a father figure, because they are financially secure, or because of the societal status they can attain by entering into such a partnership. While all of these reasons are legitimate, they may not all lend themselves to a loving, long term union. Women who are looking for a father figure may outgrow this need as they mature. Financial security and social status are transferable commodities once they have been acquired. In other words, women can take these things with them after they leave the relationship. It is essential to thoroughly explore a young woman’s expectations and intentions before committing to her.

Do remember that young women are rather susceptible to influence from others. Once your young friend is introduced to your family and social circle, she will learn more about you, and your past than you may wish her to know. Since your May-December romance might be met with disapproval and jealousy by others, those who are appalled by your choice of a mate could be willing to work hard to influence her thinking. It is difficult to believe that others who purport to care about you would try to sabotage your newfound happiness, but do be on the look out for this sort of interference.

There are many happy couples around the globe that will tell you that age is just a number, and that a decade, or two, or even three of age difference between soul mates is not a crucial challenge to their relationship. Love is blind to all things, and strong relationships do conquer all obstacles. There is also something to be said for living an examined life. Do take a moment to ponder the issues presented, and make an informed decision, not an impulsive one, when deciding if a younger woman is right for you.