Archive for the ‘Insecurity’ Category

Insecurity Jealousy and Distrust

Friday, June 29th, 2007

Jealousy and Distrust Insecurity If you ever have experienced feelings of insecurity, jealousy and distrust in your relationship, you are certainly not alone. In fact, it is very common that people experience such things at some point in their relationship. Generally speaking, these feelings evolve from past hurt or perhaps even from negative experiences that you have had in your current relationship. Whatever the source of these feelings are, it is important to find out why you feel this way. It is only through personal understanding of your own feelings that you are able to deal with these feelings in a positive way.

If you should find out that your feelings of insecurity, jealousy and distrust are rooted in hurtful past relationship experiences; it is critical that you make an effort to leave the past behind you. A new relationship should be treated as a new relationship and old hurts have no place in this. It is easier said than done and it may take some time but it will be well worth it to extend trust in your current relationship in this case and see what positive things result from it.

On the other hand, if you know that your feelings of insecurity, distrust and jealousy are due to negative experiences in your current relationship, than you need to talk to your partner immediately. In this case, you need to express your feelings to your partner and see how they respond. If you are confronted with denial of negative actions and general rudeness and disinterest, chances are that you are not in a good relationship for you. In the contrary, you may discover that your partner was not aware of something that he or she was doing that hurt you and you may be able to rectify the situation and the relationship could improve.

There is also another cause of feelings of distrust, insecurity and jealousy. Sometimes it is how we feel about ourselves that make us vulnerable to these negative feelings. It is important to feel good about one’s self. You need to ask yourself in this case, what do I need to do to feel good and be happy in myself? Inner, personal happiness or lack of it can really affect a relationship in either positive or negative ways. If other women or men make you feel inferior to them, you need to ask yourself why?

It is so important that people do those things for themselves that brings them personal joy and an inner peace. People should not deprive themselves of this. If it means going for a walk everyday or a jog or even going to a gym, just do it! If you deprive yourself of things you need to do for yourself it affects you in a negative way and will in turn, affect your relationship in a negative way. Relationships are about give and take. You each need to give each other time to take time for yourselves to build your personal self up to what you need to be to be happy with yourself. Keep in mind that exercise, affects how a person feels. If a person does not exercise, they physically start to look and feel unhealthy. Exercise also has a way to energize your body and spirit and clear your mind so that you feel even more alive and enthusiastic about things.

Take time for your friends and take time for yourself. Don’t ever sacrifice things that matter to you because it will start to wear you out and bring you down, to be without those things that matter to you. If you like some activity that your partner doesn’t, just do it without them, either alone or with a friend who shares your same interest. You don’t have stop doing something that you enjoy doing just because your partner does not enjoy it. Some people are under the impression that they have to do everything with their partner and they don’t. In fact, it is healthier to do some things together and some things apart or with other friends. It just creates more balance in the relationship if you have together time and time apart.

So, take the time to build yourself up to be the person that you want to be. In doing this, you will feel more confident and those negative feelings will soon vanish. If you are busy enough with your own personal life you will no longer have time to dwell on those things that your partner may or may not be doing. In fact the more you do for yourself, the better you will feel and the more confidence and respect will shine.

People tend to respect those who take time for themselves and put themselves first in some ways. Don’t hesitate to be everything that you are. If you are in the right relationship for you, your relationship will thrive as a result of this. If you are everything that you are meant to be and you are personally happy but the relationship still brings you down, it is time to move on and find the right person for yourself. A good relationship should bring the best out of both of you!

Insecurities in Relationships

Thursday, April 5th, 2007

Insecurities in Relationships Many couples experience various levels of insecurity in their relationships. The most common insecurity is jealousy and it can be very destructive to a happy and loving relationship. Jealousy takes varies forms such as anger, fear, hurt, and betrayal, just to name a few. Feelings of agitation, sorrow, paranoia, depression and loneliness often take over when a person feels jealous. A jealous person can be possessive, while feeling inadequate, powerless and excluded. Let’s look at what is at the root of jealousy and how it can be dealt with and eliminated, so that a happy loving relationship can thrive!

Insecurities in Relationships The first thing that a jealous person needs to do is to understand the emotions they experience when they are jealous. By narrowing things down and addressing the emotions that are at the root of jealousy, the issues can be dealt with. As a helpful exercise, a person can assign a percentage to each of the negative emotions that they feel when they are jealous. For example, a person might discover that when they are jealous, they may feel scared 50% of the time and angry, powerless, and betrayed for the rest of the time in various percentages. The emotion that dominates should be addressed first in an effort to eliminate jealousy.

After the biggest negative emotion is dealt with, the other emotions can be worked on and sorted out over time. This process of dealing with negative emotions at the root of jealousy needs to be addressed by the couple mutually. The partner of a person, who is jealous, needs to be supportive by offering them reassurance, love and understanding on their journey to moving past their negative emotions.

Basically, fear is the dominating emotion at the root of most jealousy. In particular, there are five types of fears that people are most vulnerable to; fear of the unknown, fear of change, fear of losing control of being weakened, fear of shortage or loss and fear of abandonment. The root of these individual fears may be very complex and personal and it is helpful to understand where these fears may have come from. If a person knows where their fears come from, they can better process them and move past them in a positive way.

Often jealousy results from personal insecurities, such as feelings of worthiness, anxiety around being a sufficient lover and doubts about personal attractiveness or desirability. Jealousy is only the surface emotion. The real issues are deeper than that. Generally, jealousy results from personal needs that have not being met or fears of potential unmet needs. It is key to discover what needs a jealous person fees are not being met. What is a jealous person afraid of? The fight or flight mode is activated when a person feels jealous. They feel that their survival or level of security in a relationship is being challenged or threatened. The solution lies in looking deep into the insecure roots of the matter.

In overcoming jealousy, a person needs to find out what exactly it is that they are afraid of. What is required to make them feel a sense of safety or security in the situation? What is the worst thing that could happen? What are the chances of this happening? The answers to these questions can bring a jealous person some peace, contentment and trust again. Often fear takes over a person’s emotions and once fear is dealt with in a productive way, things become much better and happier in a loving relationship.

Building Trust

Thursday, April 5th, 2007

Building Trust Building and maintaining trust in a relationship is critical for it to succeed. Without trust, a couple has nothing meaningful to build a future on together. Trust is the foundation on which true love thrives. There are several ways in which to build trust in relationships.

Building Trust First, trust is built on consistency. It is important for a couple to be consistent in both their verbal and non-verbal communication. For example if a person says that they will do something and usually does it, that is a form of verbal consistency. If a person can rely on the consistency of another person, trusting feelings grow between the two people. With respect to non-verbal communication, much the same thing applies. If a person looks at their loved one a certain loving way, and continues to, trust evolves. Also, if a person usually holds their boyfriend or girlfriend’s hand while walking together, trust grows.

Another way to build trust is for a person to exercise being a good listener. When your loved one is talking to you about something that is important to them and you are genuinely listening to them, trust grows. People feel important and appreciated when their loved one takes the time to listen to them. Nobody wants to feel that they are talking to someone who is either not listening or does not care about what they have to say.

Finally, a couple builds trust through building deeper levels of communication with their significant other. Surface talk can only go so far before a person needs more to establish a certain level of trust. For example, it is the difference between a couple talking about the weather together, compared to talking about how each other feel about the meaning of love. One thing is shallow talk while the other is deeper talk. It is the depth of conversation that develops a strong bond and trust. People need to take a chance in establishing a deeper level of communication with their loved one. If they do this, they will experience the truest and deepest form of love and trust. When love is built on trust it almost guarantees that the relationship will work. Trust is that special ingredient from which all good loving things grow.

Sometimes it is difficult to trust when some negative past experiences has hurt you. In such cases a person needs to make an effort to not carry forward past hurtful feelings and associations into their current relationship. To not bring negative emotional baggage from one relationship into another is often easier said than done. Sometimes it just takes time to heal the hurts of the past. Also, past negative experiences or associations need to be replaced by positive ones. Again, time is the magic factor in this sort of healing process. Good things come to those who make an effort to build trust in their lives. Trust is the key to many forms of happiness in life.

Relationship Trust Builders

Monday, March 26th, 2007

Relationship Trust Builders Trust is such a critical part of a successful relationship. Without trust, any relationship will surely fail. If someone has hurt a trusting person and caused them to distrust, there is a need to somehow restore this lost trust so that they can learn to fully love again. There are several ways to build trust in a relationship.

Relationship Trust Builders One way to build trust in a relationship is through effective communication. When a person in a relationship has an objective, they need to express this to their partner in a detailed way, which eliminates the need for guessing. If the objective is clearly defined and the role in which your partner plays in it is discussed, things go smoother and trust is established in the relationship. It is when things are hidden and are not clearly communicated that distrust develops. Through clear communication, distrust can be avoided.

Next, after stating an objective to your partner, these words need to be followed through with. In other words, you need to be a person of your word. When someone says that they will do something and they do it, trust is formed between the two people. To state that you are going to do something a certain way and then you don’t do it that way or you don’t do it at all, you are provoking distrust in the relationship.

Thirdly, it is important to live in the present moment and not in the past. If something goes wrong today in your relationship, don’t bring up all past mistakes in trying to solve the present situation. This sort of behavior appears as though you are keeping score, which is toxic to the success of a relationship. It is important to handle issues as isolated situations and not combine all mistakes or issues into one big collection of negative events.

Next, before cross-examining your partner’s trustworthiness, have a look at yourself first. Nobody is perfect and we should not be so quick to judge our partner before first observing what things we are doing ourselves that which could make us seem untrustworthy. Once we improve things about ourselves, we may see our partner in a different light.

Finally, it is important to acknowledge those things that our partner is doing which builds trust in the relationship. Acknowledgement builds appreciation and appreciation leads to happy and loving feelings. We should not take for granted those qualities in are partner which are admirable and which build trust. Not everyone is trustworthy and if your partner is, this is something to be grateful for and something to take note of. Trust is so important in relationships. If you have a mutually trusting relationship, consider yourself very fortunate and also you should be proud of yourselves for the strength of your love and commitment to each other. Trust builds connected feelings in a loving relationship.

Connected feelings of trust and love build lasting meaningful relationships.

Insecurity in a Relationship

Sunday, March 4th, 2007

Insecurity in a Relationship There are few key elements in any relationship that can produce harmony. These fundamental elements include love, like (yes, like), respect, understanding and trust. The element that can really break a relationship, however, is the lack of trust. It is a foundational ingredient that, when missing, can cause conflict and failure in all the other parts of a relationship.

Insecurity in a RelationshipSo, where does trust come from? Well, first and foremost, each person in a relationship is an individual. As individuals, they have had childhoods, teenage years and, depending on their age, possibly many adult years behind them when they enter a relationship. Whether it is nature or nurture, each person has a set of attributes and experiences affect the child-like trust that each one of us is born with. But, if those experiences taint or destroy one of the partners’ ability to trust, this can cause tremendous problems. The, you combine each individual’s attributes and experiences with the complex entity created by the coupling of two human beings, what you might call the relationship entity, and you have three interconnected realms that are in need of trust.

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Looking at each individual, we can see that trust in them comes from a number of factors. The first is how they were raised at home. Did they have two parents? Were they in a split home? Did their parents love them? Of course, did they love their parents? These relationships at home are critical to examine to see of trust has been eroded. How was their school life? As they evolved to high school, were they in a respectful peer group playing a positive role? Or, were they in a bad peer group or played a submissive role? Or, did they have no friends at all? Overall, did they develop positive self-esteem and relationships in their youth? Then, we look at the individual’s experiences as a teen and a young adult. Were they hurt a lot? Hurt emotionally, or hurt physically? Did they have bad relationships? Did they have bad breakups or experience infidelity or cheating? These are all keys to finding out what things may have caused an individual’s trust level to erode. And, depending on the level of their trust, or lack of, they will enhance or taint a relationship to varying degrees.

Then, when two people are in a relationship, we can look at the relationship self. This is, in fact, a separate entity but is heavily influenced by the individual selves that have combined to create the lover’s union. When looking for the cause of troubles in a relationship, one should first look to the individuals and then examine the relationship itself.

Relationships are built upon trust. The idea that you believe that your partner will commit to you and not involve themselves with the other six billion persons on this earth is a big leap of faith and trust. That trust comes from the two individual’s minds and hearts. But, they must create a relationship trust, going beyond their personal self, to have a lasting love. And, that trust encompasses a number of critical areas in the mutual partnership. You must trust your partner in the area of fidelity. You must believe that they will not cheat on you. This is one of the most critical types of trust. You must believe that your partner will not steal from you. You must also believe that your partner will not try to physically hurt you. You must believe that your partner will not psychologically hurt you. You must believe that your partner will not emotionally hurt you in any way. Most relationships evolve deep emotional ties as they grow. This can create a fear in the partners that they may get hurt, very hurt. If the trust has eroded in the individual or events have caused the relationship trust to have diminished, you may find that your relationship cannot get beyond a certain level.

There are many types of trust, both individual and relationship-based. If you are having insecurity in your relationship, you should stop to examine your relationship at both an individual and a relationship level. By dissecting both levels for trust issues, you can eliminate the insecurity and have a long, trusting, loving romance. And, that is what love deserves.

How to Build Trust in Your Relationship

Sunday, February 25th, 2007

Trust in Your RelationshipTrust plays a critical role in having a successful relationship. Without trust, a relationship will surely fail. It takes time to build trust in a relationship but only seconds to take it away. There are several things couples can do to build and maintain trust in their relationship.

Trust in Your RelationshipFirst and most importantly, couples need to communicate well with each other. For instance, if a person is going away on a business trip, it is nice to make an effort to call home each night to express that you are thinking about and missing your significant other. This builds trust in the relationship while you are apart and it lets each other know that you value the relationship.

Next, small loving gestures mean a lot in building trust. Let’s say a person is going to be working late and may not get home well into the night. Perhaps when working late, a person can call their loved one and talk for a few minutes, while taking a short break. These kinds of small gestures make couple’s relationships that much stronger. Lack of communication tends to cause people to lose trust.

Trust is also built on being a person of your word. If you say you will do something, you should do it or at least communicate why you can’t do it. Simple communication is so important in maintaining a happy and successful relationship. Write a note, make a call, tell your significant other that you love them. It all counts toward building love and trust.

It is the times when a person does not communicate, which causes relationships to go bad due to distrust. The human mind tends to naturally make up information when there is none. The best solution to distrust and assuming the worst is to simply be a good communicator with your loved one. If you don’t want to communicate openly with your loved one, you should ask yourself why not? On the other hand you may be a great communicator and may be experiencing a very happy relationship full of trust and love.

Finally, trust is a sacred aspect of a relationship and should be treated with respect. If a person loses trust from being hurt in a relationship, it may take a lot of time to overcome that hurt and learn to trust again but it will be worth it. A person should try to not bring past distrust into a new relationship because it is neither fair, nor productive to do so. The key is to focus on your current relationship and treat it as a new opportunity to be trusting and to be trusted. With trust, a relationship can grow into something so amazing!