Archive for the ‘Relationships’ Category

Building Trust

Thursday, April 5th, 2007

Building Trust Building and maintaining trust in a relationship is critical for it to succeed. Without trust, a couple has nothing meaningful to build a future on together. Trust is the foundation on which true love thrives. There are several ways in which to build trust in relationships.

Building Trust First, trust is built on consistency. It is important for a couple to be consistent in both their verbal and non-verbal communication. For example if a person says that they will do something and usually does it, that is a form of verbal consistency. If a person can rely on the consistency of another person, trusting feelings grow between the two people. With respect to non-verbal communication, much the same thing applies. If a person looks at their loved one a certain loving way, and continues to, trust evolves. Also, if a person usually holds their boyfriend or girlfriend’s hand while walking together, trust grows.

Another way to build trust is for a person to exercise being a good listener. When your loved one is talking to you about something that is important to them and you are genuinely listening to them, trust grows. People feel important and appreciated when their loved one takes the time to listen to them. Nobody wants to feel that they are talking to someone who is either not listening or does not care about what they have to say.

Finally, a couple builds trust through building deeper levels of communication with their significant other. Surface talk can only go so far before a person needs more to establish a certain level of trust. For example, it is the difference between a couple talking about the weather together, compared to talking about how each other feel about the meaning of love. One thing is shallow talk while the other is deeper talk. It is the depth of conversation that develops a strong bond and trust. People need to take a chance in establishing a deeper level of communication with their loved one. If they do this, they will experience the truest and deepest form of love and trust. When love is built on trust it almost guarantees that the relationship will work. Trust is that special ingredient from which all good loving things grow.

Sometimes it is difficult to trust when some negative past experiences has hurt you. In such cases a person needs to make an effort to not carry forward past hurtful feelings and associations into their current relationship. To not bring negative emotional baggage from one relationship into another is often easier said than done. Sometimes it just takes time to heal the hurts of the past. Also, past negative experiences or associations need to be replaced by positive ones. Again, time is the magic factor in this sort of healing process. Good things come to those who make an effort to build trust in their lives. Trust is the key to many forms of happiness in life.

Breaking up isn’t easy… But you Learn

Wednesday, April 4th, 2007

Breaking up After a while, you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul,

Breaking up You learn that love doesn’t mean leaning and company doesn’t mean security,

You begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts and presents aren’t promises,

You begin to accept your defeats with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child,

You learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans,

You find that futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight,

And after a while, you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much.

So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,

Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

You learn that you really can endure… that you really are stronger than the past 

And you really do have worth and you learn and learn…

With every goodbye, you learn.

Age Difference in Relationships

Wednesday, March 28th, 2007

Age Differences Does it matter what the age difference is in a relationship? There are various opinions on this, depending on who you are. Somehow it seems that when a person gets to a certain age the difference in age between partners in a relationship does not matter as much. This magic age seems to be about age 19 or 20 for a lot of people. There are a number of variables that come to mind when thinking about age differences.

Age Differences Historically, many men have had relationships with women who are younger than they are. This has related to matters of fertility and also pre-arranged marriages. In the past decade or so though, an age gap in which the man is 1-3 years older is not uncommon. The percentage of older women having relationships with younger men is now increasing.

With regard to marriage, it has been proven that the age gap between partners increases between the first and the second marriage. Mind you, depending on the situation, an excessively large age gap can be dysfunctional in some cases. As previously mentioned, there are several variables which determine if age gap actually influences the success of a romantic relationship or not.

Studies have proven that there is also an increase in the number of people who are the same age in relationships together. When this happens, the numbers of older people living alone actually decreases. When older women marry younger men, the number of widows decreases. There are several outcomes, which are impacted by the age gaps of people in relationships.

As mentioned, once a person reaches the age of 19 or 20, the importance of age difference seems to diminish. For instance it would not seem unusual for a person who is 19 or 20 to be dating a man or woman who is 10-15 years older than them. The important thing is that the younger person is of age to be involved in a relationship with an older person. The two in a relationship need to be mature in their attitude toward the relationship.

In most relationships, it is not age that matters but rather spiritual, emotional and mental compatibility between two people. Each person needs to have qualities that the other person is looking for and wants in a relationship. The maturity of two people is important in a relationship, regardless of their age. Maturity does not always relate to age either. A young person can be more, mature in attitude than an older person for that matter. It is important to share interests and values and to be on the same wavelength as each other. When two people really connect and love each other in a genuine way, age does not matter.

Relationships and Expectations

Tuesday, March 27th, 2007

Relationships and Expectations Suppressed expectations are often the cause of breakups in relationships. All too often, partners don’t tell what they want out of their relationship and just wait for their significant other to observe their needs. Even in the closest of relationships, mind reading is not a fair thing to expect of each other. Expectations need to clearly be defined in relationships.

Relationships and Expectations For example, someone may be a very giving type of person and have certain expectations in return from their partner without telling them about it. If their partner does not respond in the ways that the giver was hoping, they end up feeling hurt and betrayed. Such a situation is not really fair to the receiver of the giving gestures, as they are expected to respond a certain way without being informed of this. This is where the unfair expectations of mind reading, comes into the picture.

Even in a situation where there is mutual give and take in the relationship, there is still a risk of breakup if what each person gives to the relationship is not what the other wants or needs. If a couple does not share the same expectations, they may breakup and leave the relationship unsatisfied and unhappy.

Conflicts can be avoided if each person states their expectations to each other clearly and finds out if they are compatible expectations. This is the give and take that each person expects of the other needs to be clearly spelled out. In the case of new relationships, this sort of directness in stating expectations is often difficult but as time progresses, it will be a necessity so that the relationship will last.

Something else that causes a lot of couple’s grief is when one person expects the other person to behave or respond in the same way as they do to something. People are different and therefore they respond differently to the same things. This is just something that couples need to understand. It is not fair to be upset with your partner for not reacting the same way towards something as you do. You are two people with two different perceptions on things. Of course you will have common things between you but each person does have a unique perception on things.

Something else that couples should know is that it is a sign of dependency to expect a lot from others. If a person is lacking in confidence, they will depend on others to fill a void in themselves. If personal needs are not met, people with poor confidence levels become dependent on others and have high expectations of them.

The sad part of it is that people run away from those who unrealistically high expectations of them. Emotional dependency is wrongfully providing a sense of completeness in the person. Nobody wants to feel the excessive dependency of another person. The solution for someone who is experiencing dependency and lack of confidence is to make ones own life more interesting and satisfying. It is important to acknowledge that we are all different. We can only have fair expectations of another person and these expectations need to be expressed and understood mutually.

Relationship Trust Builders

Monday, March 26th, 2007

Relationship Trust Builders Trust is such a critical part of a successful relationship. Without trust, any relationship will surely fail. If someone has hurt a trusting person and caused them to distrust, there is a need to somehow restore this lost trust so that they can learn to fully love again. There are several ways to build trust in a relationship.

Relationship Trust Builders One way to build trust in a relationship is through effective communication. When a person in a relationship has an objective, they need to express this to their partner in a detailed way, which eliminates the need for guessing. If the objective is clearly defined and the role in which your partner plays in it is discussed, things go smoother and trust is established in the relationship. It is when things are hidden and are not clearly communicated that distrust develops. Through clear communication, distrust can be avoided.

Next, after stating an objective to your partner, these words need to be followed through with. In other words, you need to be a person of your word. When someone says that they will do something and they do it, trust is formed between the two people. To state that you are going to do something a certain way and then you don’t do it that way or you don’t do it at all, you are provoking distrust in the relationship.

Thirdly, it is important to live in the present moment and not in the past. If something goes wrong today in your relationship, don’t bring up all past mistakes in trying to solve the present situation. This sort of behavior appears as though you are keeping score, which is toxic to the success of a relationship. It is important to handle issues as isolated situations and not combine all mistakes or issues into one big collection of negative events.

Next, before cross-examining your partner’s trustworthiness, have a look at yourself first. Nobody is perfect and we should not be so quick to judge our partner before first observing what things we are doing ourselves that which could make us seem untrustworthy. Once we improve things about ourselves, we may see our partner in a different light.

Finally, it is important to acknowledge those things that our partner is doing which builds trust in the relationship. Acknowledgement builds appreciation and appreciation leads to happy and loving feelings. We should not take for granted those qualities in are partner which are admirable and which build trust. Not everyone is trustworthy and if your partner is, this is something to be grateful for and something to take note of. Trust is so important in relationships. If you have a mutually trusting relationship, consider yourself very fortunate and also you should be proud of yourselves for the strength of your love and commitment to each other. Trust builds connected feelings in a loving relationship.

Connected feelings of trust and love build lasting meaningful relationships.

Time between Relationships

Monday, March 26th, 2007

Time between Relationships Sometimes when you have been in a long relationship that has not worked and have just recently broken up, it is good to take a bit of time out for yourself before starting a new relationship. Often time between relationships is necessary to heal from various situations, feelings, thoughts and emotions, which caused your breakup. Your emotions are often very raw after a breakup and time is needed to heal. To take personal time out after a breakup is a good thing for many reasons.

Time between Relationships First of all, after a breakup a person can feel so many emotions and have so many thoughts that they need to process before moving on. Often people feel hurt, angry, lost or upset from a breakup and these feelings need to be dealt with before starting again in a new relationship. If a person does not take time out for this purpose, they will possibly risk polluting the new relationship with emotional or mental baggage from the past relationship. To import negativity from a past relationship into a new one is sad, as it often causes a lot of unnecessary conflicts and hurts in the new relationship. In addition, when a person brings emotional or mental baggage into a new relationship, they are making the present relationship pay for the past, which is unfair.

Time out heals the spirit and allows a person to connect with themselves again on various levels. People need to know and appreciates whom they are, before expecting another person to know or appreciate them. People must be able to love themselves, before they are able to love another person. It is so important to feel an inner peace, contentment and happiness in yourself, independent of another person. When your own cup is full and you are happy and confident, you are ready to start a new relationship. You should want to be loved and not need to be loved. Wants comes from a place of confidence, while needs some from a place of dependence.

When taking time for one’s self, a person establishes a sense of independent happiness, which is the way to inner personal strength and confidence. When achieving this independence, look after you and all those things that you are. Pursue your interests and aspirations without depending on anyone to do it for you or get you through it. This does not mean becoming an island in which you don’t need anyone but rather, you want people in your life rather than needing them in your life.

To want something means you are strong in yourself. To need often means that there is some sort of dependency there. This does not mean that it is wrong to need things. All people need things and want things. It is just the balance between needs and wants that should be accessed in a person’s life.

Finally, to take time between relationships is advisable as it allows for a lot of personal growth in many ways that may not happen when in a relationship with someone. Every relationship has its demands on the parties involved and often personal time is balanced with mutual time. The important thing is that people find the balance and personal happiness that they require.

Women Spy More Than Men

Sunday, March 18th, 2007

Women Love to SpyIn an age where relationships are being built on very shallow foundations like looks and money, it is no wonder that there is a lot of insecurity in many modern relationships. It seems that people meet, sleep together and even move in together on very shaky foundations. The reasons may seem solid at the time: the sex is really good – I think it’s love, he’s so good looking all my friends will love him, she’s so much fun spending all her trust fund money on me. But, true love’s foundation is so much more than that. It is a multi-faceted foundation where trust is at the rampart or base. And, when there’s a lack of trust, not only do things fall apart in the end. There’s a lot of spying that goes on during the relationship because of the insecurities that abound.

Women Love to SpyNow, what is spying, you ask? Well, spying is not necessarily buying surveillance equipment and bugging out your house like a Watergate hotel room. It can be more subtle than that and many times, involves mild eavesdropping or quietly picking up the other phone line. Spying in a relationship can be defined as any activity that involves finding out what your partner is saying or doing, outside of asking them directly. Now, this does not mean checking on your partner when they are driving home in a snow storm. That kind of inquisitiveness is quite normal and, hopefully, expected. But, what is on your mind when your partner is out of the house? Do you wonder if they are seeing someone? Or, do you wonder about that man or women they work with at their office? And, where does your worry leave you? What activities do you engage in to satisfy your curiosity? If you do anything to keep an eye on your partner, you are spying and there is a trust deficiency in your relationship.

Now, what tools are available to spy if you decide to keep an eye on your partner? Well, in the age of information and communication, you have to spy your partner’s communication and find their information store. A lot of times their information store is their computer’s hard drive or email box, which takes you into their communication realm, as well. These realms are so intertwined that they hard to separate these days. In the communication realm, the major forms used today are phone, email and internet, fax, and letters. There is software out there to allow you to spy on all internet related communication. And, if you are smart, you can figure out how to tap phone calls, as well.

More interesting than the tackiness of spying, however, is whether men or women harbor greater distrust. One could speculate for a long time as to which of the fairer sexes worried and, thereby, spied more. Well, it turns out that women spy more than men, believe it or not. Five percent more women than men have spied on their partners, with men coming in at 25% and 30% of women admitting to doing the surveillance thing. Further, it turns out that 34% of men said in a recent survey that spying wasn’t even their style; only 20% of women said this.

The funny thing is that almost a quarter of all women polled admitted that, while spying, they found incriminating evidence that ended their relationship. Only 14% of men responded similarly.

So, in a world of relationships built on shaky foundations, spying and distrust may be more prevalent than we care to admit. The good new, though, is that we can eliminate this if we have trust, real trust, in our partner. And, how do we do this? We must ensure that our relationship is built on love’s solid foundation. This foundation includes trust, caring and understanding, and most importantly, communication. Build your relationship on this solid foundation and your insecurities will vanish and you will have a love like you’ve never known.

Gifts That She Will Love

Wednesday, March 14th, 2007

Gifts That She Will LoveAre you looking for the perfect gift for your girlfriend? Do you know what sort of things she likes? If you are not sure, it is ok. It takes time to get to know what things a woman likes and doesn’t like. Here are a few tips on giving gifts to the woman in your life. Most women love surprises, so you should try to be spontaneous and give a gift to her at a time when she would least expect it. The unexpected gifts are often the best ones!

Gifts That She Will LoveIf you are in a new relationship, the gift of flowers always goes over extremely well. Very often, a beautiful single rose or bouquets of mixed flowers are great gifts. A red rose is generally a symbol of love. If you don’t want to convey love so soon, perhaps you should pick a rose of another color like white, pink or yellow. You may want to select a few flowers and let the florist customize the presentation of them. A bit of greenery and an artistic looking bow can look amazing! Instead of cut flowers, you may decide to get your girlfriend a flowering plant, as it will last longer. Whatever you decide, make sure to include a card, with a personal note to her from your heart. This is usually a keepsake for a girl!

Another very popular gift for a woman is chocolate. In particular, chocolate truffles are very decadent and make a sweet and passionate gift. Regardless of how long you have known a woman, the gift of a box of truffles will definitely make her very happy. This may seem like an old fashioned gift to give a woman, but it is always well enjoyed. You may even decide to share this gift later in the evening in creative and romantic ways!

The gift of perfume is another very romantic thing to give a woman. She will be very impressed if you get her this, especially if she really likes the fragrance. You might want to start by giving her some sample perfumes to try, to see if she likes spicy or floral fragrances. Often, department stores give out free samples of perfumes for this purpose. Once she picks a fragrance that she likes, you might want to get the gift pack of this perfume, which can include two or three related items and sometimes comes with a free bonus gift. You may even decide to get the male version of the same scent, as it usually compliments the lady’s fragrance in a very sexy way.

Also, the gift of a bottle of imported wine goes over very well with a woman, especially if she has invited you over for dinner. Not only is wine a nice addition to the meal, it sets the mood for a romantic evening in a classy way. The combination of wine and a rose or wine and a box of truffles are all good when it comes to having a romantic evening with the woman that you love. You might even want to add some dinner candles or a vanilla scented pillar candle. Most women like the scent of vanilla, as it is sweet and subtle.

Finally, most women enjoy gift using certificates as they can select the items that they like themselves. It is so difficult to buy clothing for a woman unless you are sure of her size and taste in clothes but a gift certificate is the answer for this sort of thing. Whatever you decide to give your girlfriend, make sure it comes from your heart and she will surely love it, just because it is from you!

Making a Relationship Work

Tuesday, March 13th, 2007

Making a Relationship WorkRelationships can be challenging for couples as they sort out the things that work and don’t work between them. Various attitudes and behaviors can either nurture or interfere with the success of a relationship. It takes time to understand the delicate blend of these things, which allow a relationship to grow.

Making a Relationship WorkOne of the most important things that a couple should embrace is decision-making, both as a couple and as individuals. Having the initiative and power to make decisions is a key variable in having a successful relationship. Without decision-making, a relationship can become stagnant. If one of you or both of you have difficulty making decisions, you should find out why and work on changing this. A lot of the best things that happen to couples happen as a result of making the right decisions at the right time.

Next, there are opportunities that arise in relationships, which should often be embraced. It is important for a couple to be open-minded about seeing opportunities when they are there and not be afraid of taking advantage of them. For instance, the opportunities to move to a new location, buy a new car or get a new job are all things a couple should consider. Couples should not be afraid of change as it is often for the better. Too often couples get stuck in their ways and miss some great opportunities that could make their relationship even better.

Another important variable to consider is effective communication, as it is critical in making a relationship work. In addition to this, it is important for a couple to not be in denial about relationship issues that may need to be dealt with. Confrontation may be necessary at times to handle certain situations that arise but it is ok.

Also, when communicating in a relationship, it is very important to make an effort not be judgmental of each other. A couple in a relationship should have the ability to see things from their partner’s perspective at times. Too often, couples become narrow-minded and only see things their own way. To be open-minded and empathetic to each other is a good thing. Nobody wants to be in a relationship with someone who is self-absorbed and can only see their own point of view.

Finally, Independence is critical to the success of a relationship. As a couple, it is ok to be dependent on each other a times and within reason, but to be totally dependent is not a good idea for various reasons. You don’t want to be so dependent on your partner that you panic or feel upset every time they leave you to do something without you. It is so important for each of you to have your own interests; hobbies and friends so that you can have a more balanced relationship. There should be together time and separate time to have harmony in the relationship. Often a little time apart on occasion can help make the relationship even stronger. Make an effort to make your relationship work. When things work out well, you will know that you are in the right relationship for you!

Sex and the Single Senior

Tuesday, March 13th, 2007

See Yourself Through My EyesRemember a few years ago when there was a T-shirt available with a printed slogan that proclaimed “I am not a dirty old man, I’m a sexy senior citizen!” Today the slogan is even more relevant to seniors than in the past. With the advent of erectile dysfunction drugs, plastic surgery interventions to retain a youthful appearance and online dating opportunities for seniors an active sex life is something that more seniors are enjoying.

See Yourself Through My EyesRecent news articles have touted the “sexual revolution” taking place at senior housing complexes where sex toy parties are now as commonplace as Tupperware gatherings. The results of a May 2005 landmark study on “Sexuality in Midlife and Beyond” conducted by AARP reveals that a healthy, satisfying sex life is considered a critical aspect of a good relationship by 60% of seniors who responded to the survey, up from 55% in 1999.

Although there are a number of benefits to sex after 60, there are a number of concerns as well. Incidents of Sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) are on the rise in senior communities. Genital herpes and human papilloma virus (the virus now known to cause cervical cancer) are now commonly diagnosed in sexually active seniors. Even more frightening, older adults are one of the fastest-growing groups being infected with HIV/AIDS. Often the symptoms of these diseases go undetected and untreated in seniors either because the senior does not recognize and report the symptoms they are experiencing or because their doctor just doesn’t consider the possibility that the senior might be sexually active.

If you are a sexually active senior it is vital to your health and wellbeing that you attend to your sexual health by taking the following actions:

  • ALWAYS use a condom during oral sex, anal sex and intercourse. Condoms provide a barrier against many sexually transmitted diseases including HIV/AIDS. Be sure the condom is properly fitted and is made of the latex or polyurethane.
  • Be sure that any lubricants used during sexual activity are safe to use with condoms and are water-based rather than oil based. Oil based lubricants break down latex condoms. Vaseline and cold cream are NOT safe lubricants to use with condoms.
  • Schedule a visit with your doctor. Inform the physician that you are sexually active and ask that you be examined and tested for sexually transmitted diseases if you have been practicing unsafe sex.
  • Examine your own genitalia on a monthly basis to notice any rashes, discharge, and breaks in the skin, rough spots or sore spots. Report any changes that you find to your doctor.
  • If you notice any health changes such as symptoms of dementia, pneumonia or sudden weight loss notify your doctor and be sure to remind him/her that you are sexually active. Since symptoms associated with HIV/AIDS are similar to those related to aging the physician may not diagnose you properly without knowing your sexual history.

By all means, know that it is perfectly okay to enjoy sexual activity well into your senior years as long as you take the proper precautions. Enjoying intimacy with another helps to keep you limber, makes you feel vital, vibrant and attractive, and reduces stress. Now go forth and flirt a little!

Wellness: Sexuality
Protected by CoopyRites for: Sexuality
Authored by CoopyRiter in: Sexuality

If You Could See Yourself Through My Eyes

Tuesday, March 13th, 2007

See Yourself Through My EyesIf you could see yourself through my eyes, you would see strength of steel with a razor wit able to cut an unsuspecting opponent to the bone.

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See Yourself Through My EyesYou would see an iron character able to withstand the most tragic of burdens the most bitter of times.

A man strong enough to lift me up and never let me fall.

Like a massive oak tree with roots that run deep and true.

And yet, in a moment of tenderness you are as weak as a newborn babe suckling at my breast.

If you could see yourself through my eyes, you would see a brilliant mind, able to grasp the most abstract of ideas and process the most complex information to arrive at amazing solutions.

And yet, you still can listen and see brilliance in me when I have not even seen it in myself.

If you could see yourself through my eyes, you would see an exterior like a calm ocean when there is not even a breeze.

And yet, below the surface lies a raging beast waiting to be released in a flood of passion and love.

I long for the day, with hope in my heart, to be the one to release the chains and experience all that comes my way.

If you could see yourself through my eyes, you would see the one who anchors me, inspires me, motivates me, and loves me in a way I’ve never known before.

If you could see yourself through my eyes, you would see everything I also want to be.

All of my love, for all of my life.

Renewing Intimacy in your Golden Years

Monday, March 12th, 2007

Renewing Intimacy“I still love you, I am just not sure that I like you anymore!” These sad words are sometimes exchanged by life partners who have endured together over the decades. You can finish his sentences, but no longer consider this ability as something mystical like you did when you were young. You can predict her every reaction, but you are bored, not comforted by the fact that there are no surprises left in your relationship. If this describes the internal workings of your seemingly happy and stable marriage, it might be time to shake things up a bit. It may be time to rekindle a truly intimate relationship with your mate.

Renewing Intimacy in your Golden YearsCultivating a renewed sense of intimacy and excitement in a seasoned relationship is not as difficult as it might sound. The primary rule to remember is that true intimacy needs to be fostered in three areas; the physical, the spiritual and the mental/emotional realms. You can address these realms in any order, or simultaneously if you wish, to build a more intimate and loving connection with the person who has been through thick and thin with you. 

  • Physical Intimacy: Ah yes, sex! Well, perhaps, and perhaps not. Physical intimacy has to do with closeness and pleasure, not necessarily a sexual act. How long has it been since you took a long, sensual shower together taking time to gently cleanse your partner from head to toe? Have you ever slow-danced naked together totally immersing yourself in the sway of your partner’s body? When is the last time you sat face-to-face with your partner staring deeply into one another’s eyes and speaking softly about what you find there? As Mikey used to say in the Life cereal commercial… “Try it, you’ll like it!”
  • Spiritual Intimacy: Couples who pray or meditate together have been proven to have stronger, closer relationships than those who practice their spiritual rituals separately. Sharing the connection you have with your Higher Power infuses your relationship with peace that passes understanding. At least once a week set aside an hour to take your partner’s hands in your own and speak to your Maker together. Share the experiences of the past week, voicing thanks for shared pleasures and asking for the qualities you feel you need to strengthen your appreciation of your spouse in the week to come.
  • Mental/Emotional Intimacy: Begin each day by addressing your life partner with the sentence, “The thing I most value about you at this moment is… ” Regularly ask your partner, “What can I do today to make you feel loved and cherished?” Share the vulnerable side of yourself by asking your mate to lend strength to you when you are feeling weak. Let your mate overhear you bragging about him or her to a friend. Put voice to a warm moment and make it known to your spouse that s/he has delighted you unintentionally. “You looked so free running through the yard with the grandkids this morning!” “Boy are you a cutie pie when you wear your red hat!”

Growing old together means much more than coexisting over time in the same domicile. It means celebrating your oneness on a daily basis. It means crawling into the soul of your mate and feeling comfy there.

Wellness: Sexuality
Protected by CoopyRites for: Sexuality
Authored by CoopyRiter in: Sexuality

Talking to Women

Sunday, March 11th, 2007

Talking to WomenHave you ever wondered why some men find it easy to talk to women and some don’t? For a man to effectively communicate with a woman, he must be able to relate to her on various levels. There are several ways in which a man can improve his ability to relate to a woman while talking to her.

Talking to WomenOne of the most important aspects of relating to a woman is to learn how she thinks and feels. Even though all women are unique, there are some general ways in which they are the same. If a man can understand those underlying common denominators among women, he will be able to relate to and talk to them easier.

To start with, most women are very sensitive and caring by nature. Perhaps it is the maternal qualities of a woman, which makes them this way. With this in mind, men need to be able to relate to this sensitive and caring side of a woman when talking to her. A good example of this would be if a man saw that a woman is upset about something through observing her body language, he could ask her if everything is ok or how she is feeling. After asking these questions, men should be prepared to listen to the woman that he cares about or loves without judging her. Very often women just need an opportunity for someone to listen to them and care enough to ask how they are doing. It is important that a woman feel as though a man cares about her feelings.

Another critical thing is that a woman feels as though a man respects her. Very often in bars men approach women in vulgar ways that can be very offensive. Generally, women don’t like men to come up to them with crude remarks or suggestive conversation. This can be a real turn off for sure. It is viewed as shallow and disrespectful to be so disguising as to approach a woman that way. If a man is interested in a woman he should approach her with romantic gestures that respect her, yet express his feelings.

Something else that man can do for women in conversation is to encourage her to express her ideas and views on things. Often men tend to dominate a conversation with a woman by expressing his side of a story and not let the woman who he is talking to express her point of view. So generally, it is important to give a woman her share of the airtime while in a conversation with her.

Finally, it is important for a man to be observant of a woman when he is talking to her. He should take the time to notice and comment on the details about her that he observes.

For instance, if a woman looks beautiful to a man, he should tell her so. If she just got her hair done, it would be a good thing for him to notice this. Even if she happens to be wearing really nice shoes or earrings, a man should be observant of these small details when talking her. A woman needs to feel that the man she is talking to notices and appreciates all the things that she is. A man needs to be creative in his conversation with a woman, while appreciating everything that she is.

Creative Gift Ideas for Your Boyfriend

Wednesday, March 7th, 2007

Creative Gift Ideas for Your BoyfriendAre you trying to think of creative gift ideas for your boyfriend? Whether it is a Birthday, Valentine’s Day, Christmas or just because you care, you need to consider all those things that you know he likes when buying a gift. When thinking creatively, there are no boundaries in the sorts of things you can do to impress your significant other. To truly know what a person likes, you need to observe them very closely and see the sorts of things they gravitate to.

Creative Gift Ideas for Your BoyfriendWhat are your boyfriend’s interests? Does he like certain sports? Does he have hobbies that he really enjoys? You might want to consider getting him something that relates to the sport or hobby that he likes. For instance, if he is into basketball, why not get him a new ball or maybe some sports clothing. On the other hand, maybe your boyfriend is interested in model airplanes or sports cars. In these cases a few items that relate to these things might be the answer.

On the sensual side of things, does your boyfriend like cologne? Take a visit to a department store and check out the sample colognes that they have there. Does he like citrus, woody or spicy scented cologne? You should select the type of scent that you know he will like and that you will like too. Very often, you can get a gift package of several items such as cologne, after shave, body lotion and shower gel all in one box. These sorts of things make a great gift for him and you indirectly.

Another popular gift item for men is clothing. You should make a point of knowing what size of pants, shirt and jacket that your boyfriend wears, so that you can do some shopping for things. When shopping for clothing, keep in mind the colors and patterns (if any) that your boyfriend likes. Also, consider if your boyfriend wears relaxed, casual clothing or more corporate clothing mostly. Clothing for the outdoors in earth tones is usually fairly popular for men. If you are unsure of what clothing your boyfriend will like, perhaps a gift certificate for a men’s clothing store is the answer, so that he can select what he likes himself. On the other hand, if you do decide to be creative and pick something out for him, keep the receipts, just in case an exchange or refund is necessary due to size or style concerns.

What about food? Does your boyfriend like to eat at a certain place or have a certain kind of food? Perhaps you can make him a special dinner of something that he loves to eat or take him out to his favorite restaurant as a gift. If you are eating at home, be sure to put some attention into selecting good appetizers and beverages such as wine or beer before the meal. Also, if your boyfriend is into desserts, you might want to make something special or get something good from the bakery. Keep in mind that when making a nice meal at home, you can create a very sensual and romantic atmosphere which is very appealing.

Other interesting gift ideas are concert tickets or movie passes. Sometimes the gift of music or entertainment goes over very well. Whatever you decide to do, make sure it is something that relates to him and his interests and he will surely love it!

Is Living Together a Good Idea?

Tuesday, March 6th, 2007

Living TogetherOften couples find themselves in a relationship in which they each have their own apartment or house and yet they are spending all their time together in one of the two places. Deciding to live together seems like the natural thing to do in such a situation for various emotional and economic reasons. Before taking this important next step in a relationship, several things should be considered.

Living TogetherFirst, before a couple moves in together, they should first understand what is motivating them to do this. In some cases, couples move in together because they are so in love that they do not want to live apart. On the other hand, some couples want to live together for economic reasons. Perhaps couples want to live together due to both love and the need to economize. Whatever the case may be, it is important to know the reason for wanting to live together, so that mutual expectations can be met. Another area of consideration is whether or not a couple wants to become engaged or married before living together. It may not be an issue either way, but the feelings of each partner should be known with respect to these things, so that the couple is in the same frame of mind when moving in together.

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A couple needs to know where they are going to live when they finally decide to move in together. They can either live at his place or her place or maybe even find a totally new place to live together. Very often a new place is a good idea, depending on the situation as it provides the couple with a fresh start in a place that is totally new to both of them. Although, if one of you own a home and the other rents an apartment for instance, it would only make sense to move into the house and give up the apartment. On the other hand if you both rent apartments, maybe this is the ideal time to find a house together or at least a new apartment together if that is the preferred option.

After a couple decides where they want to live together, they should figure out how they plan to pay for it. Many couples share the cost of the rent and the living expenses between them. Also, the idea of whether or not to have a shared bank account for mutual expense purposes is something to consider. The whole financial side of things should be thoroughly discussed before moving in together, as this can be something that can cause a lot of stress in a relationship if it is not discussed before hand.

Something else to consider before moving in with your loved one is where all your personal belongings are going to go. Most people have a lot of personal things usually and the couple should decide what to do with all of it. If there are any duplicate items, perhaps some of these things should be sold or given away in honor of keeping the shared dwelling clean and uncluttered. You may both decide to get rid of most everything and start fresh and pick out furniture together, creating your own mutual style in your shared space.

Finally, living together is a big step, which can either strengthen or weaken a relationship. A couple needs to decide who does what, where and when. Do chores get divided; do you each take turns doing different things? Living together is a journey where you discover each other in a very intimate way. Enjoy the adventure!

Insecurity in a Relationship

Sunday, March 4th, 2007

Insecurity in a Relationship There are few key elements in any relationship that can produce harmony. These fundamental elements include love, like (yes, like), respect, understanding and trust. The element that can really break a relationship, however, is the lack of trust. It is a foundational ingredient that, when missing, can cause conflict and failure in all the other parts of a relationship.

Insecurity in a RelationshipSo, where does trust come from? Well, first and foremost, each person in a relationship is an individual. As individuals, they have had childhoods, teenage years and, depending on their age, possibly many adult years behind them when they enter a relationship. Whether it is nature or nurture, each person has a set of attributes and experiences affect the child-like trust that each one of us is born with. But, if those experiences taint or destroy one of the partners’ ability to trust, this can cause tremendous problems. The, you combine each individual’s attributes and experiences with the complex entity created by the coupling of two human beings, what you might call the relationship entity, and you have three interconnected realms that are in need of trust.

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Looking at each individual, we can see that trust in them comes from a number of factors. The first is how they were raised at home. Did they have two parents? Were they in a split home? Did their parents love them? Of course, did they love their parents? These relationships at home are critical to examine to see of trust has been eroded. How was their school life? As they evolved to high school, were they in a respectful peer group playing a positive role? Or, were they in a bad peer group or played a submissive role? Or, did they have no friends at all? Overall, did they develop positive self-esteem and relationships in their youth? Then, we look at the individual’s experiences as a teen and a young adult. Were they hurt a lot? Hurt emotionally, or hurt physically? Did they have bad relationships? Did they have bad breakups or experience infidelity or cheating? These are all keys to finding out what things may have caused an individual’s trust level to erode. And, depending on the level of their trust, or lack of, they will enhance or taint a relationship to varying degrees.

Then, when two people are in a relationship, we can look at the relationship self. This is, in fact, a separate entity but is heavily influenced by the individual selves that have combined to create the lover’s union. When looking for the cause of troubles in a relationship, one should first look to the individuals and then examine the relationship itself.

Relationships are built upon trust. The idea that you believe that your partner will commit to you and not involve themselves with the other six billion persons on this earth is a big leap of faith and trust. That trust comes from the two individual’s minds and hearts. But, they must create a relationship trust, going beyond their personal self, to have a lasting love. And, that trust encompasses a number of critical areas in the mutual partnership. You must trust your partner in the area of fidelity. You must believe that they will not cheat on you. This is one of the most critical types of trust. You must believe that your partner will not steal from you. You must also believe that your partner will not try to physically hurt you. You must believe that your partner will not psychologically hurt you. You must believe that your partner will not emotionally hurt you in any way. Most relationships evolve deep emotional ties as they grow. This can create a fear in the partners that they may get hurt, very hurt. If the trust has eroded in the individual or events have caused the relationship trust to have diminished, you may find that your relationship cannot get beyond a certain level.

There are many types of trust, both individual and relationship-based. If you are having insecurity in your relationship, you should stop to examine your relationship at both an individual and a relationship level. By dissecting both levels for trust issues, you can eliminate the insecurity and have a long, trusting, loving romance. And, that is what love deserves.

Commitment

Thursday, March 1st, 2007

CommitmentCommitment is something that a person is either ready for or not. Sometimes a couple feel committed to each other all along or maybe commitment develops more and more as the relationship grows and gets stronger. Whether a person is ready to commit to someone or not depends on many variables.

CommitmentFirst, is your partner the top priority in your life? Do you put them at the start of your list or the end of your list? Often people in relationships have to manage their time wisely and fairly so that there is a right time and place for everything and everybody. Most importantly, a person must make their love relationship their priority to prove they are committed to it. On the other hand, if you are with the love of your life, they will understand you and love you and show give and take in the relationship.

Next, when you think of doing things, do you think of just yourself or both of you as a couple? Of course there will be some things that each of you do on your own and maybe with other friends but generally doing things as a couple is good for the relationship. In all opportunities each of you have to include your partner as your date, you should, as it strengthens your relationship.

Another thing to consider is how you handle difficult times in your relationship. Do you get totally upset and frustrated and want to leave the relationship or do you sort things out with love and understanding? Life is full of ups and downs and it is important to know that you can both handle these challenging times that will occur. You both need to believe that you can handle any difficulties that the future may have in store. You should feel like your relationship has what it takes to succeed and be functional and happy.

Something else to think about is how you feel about the time that you spend together. Do you lose track of time or does an hour feel like a week? Your time together should feel almost magical or dreamlike if you are with the right person. If you have found the love of your life, chances are you feel that there is not enough time in the day to be with the one you love.

On the topic of communication, what are your conversations like with your partner? Are you able to talk and talk and lose track of time or do you become bored or disinterested when you are talking together? If you are with the right person and ready to commit, your conversations will almost take you to another world where the two of you connect mentally and emotionally.

Finally, you know you are ready to commit in your heart usually. There are no doubts when you are with the right person. To second guess, has no place in the right relationship. If you find yourself ready to commit, embrace this readiness, and be everything that you are meant to be as a couple. Commitment can surely enhance the greatest love that you can feel and experience.

Dating – Making a Fresh Start

Wednesday, February 28th, 2007

Making a Fresh StartSo you have ended an old relationship and are now making a fresh start. This sort of transition from one relationship to another can be either easy or difficult depending on who you are and what the circumstances are. There are six things that a person who is seeking a new relationship should consider as they search for that right person for themselves.

Dating Making a Fresh StartFirst, a newly broken up person needs the support of other singles so that they stay upbeat and positive about their situation of being single. It is important to bond with other singles so that you can develop new friendships and feel that you are not alone. It is when a person feels lonely that they either fall back into an old relationship that is not good for them or they jump into a new relationship too quickly. By bonding with other singles, the person can take their time to find someone new and enjoy the search more.

Next, after a break up a person should either work on a hobby that they currently have or perhaps explore a new hobby that may peak your curiosity. It is important that a person nurture the things that make them happy as an individual in this way. Often when a person is doing a hobby they enjoy doing, they lose track of time and get lost in the activity. This form of emotional or mental escape from the recent break up is good for a person. Taking time for you is essential for not rushing into any new relationship too soon.

Once a person starts a new relationship, they should remember to be sensitive to their new partner and not discuss the past on a regular basis. If a person is newly broken up, sometimes discussions about the past come up too easily and a person should be careful of this. You don’t want to drive your new relationship away with too much talk about the past and not enough focus on the present. It is important to talk about things other than the past, as it will just be better for everyone involved.

When newly broken up it is easy to fall back into the old relationship that you left for a temporary romance. For instance it may be tempting to go back for a night with your ex and then realize that you are broken up in the morning. This sort of thing is painful and should be avoided if possible. Also, if you keep going back to your ex, neither of you will be able to move on properly, as you may need to. Not to mention the fact that you may look occupied with your ex, when the right person passes you by. It is better to be alone and available than with the wrong person when the right one comes along.

Another thing that can help a person make a fresh start and leave their old relationship behind is to keep a journal. In this personal journal, they can write down all the lessons that they have learned from the past and also write down ways in which they want to change or do things differently in their present and future. To journal is healing processes that can help a person know when they have been, where they are and where they are going. This sort of exercise will bring a lot of inner peace and direction as a person makes a fresh start with a new relationship.

How to Tell If a Man Is Interested in You

Tuesday, February 27th, 2007

Man Is Interested in YouThere are many ways in which a woman can tell if a man is interested in her or not. Some of the ways in which men express interest for a woman are very obvious while others require a woman to be very observant of their behavior toward her. A man who is truly interested in the woman he is dating makes it very obvious usually.

Man Is Interested in YouMost importantly, a man lets a woman know that he is interested in her by dating her exclusively and by not being currently romantically involved with or married to someone else. There should be a strong sense of focus on her and nobody else in a romantic context. It is also a good sign if a man makes advance and future plans with a woman, as this would imply that he is looking at her for the long run. With this comes the idea of the man wanting to introduce her to his family and friends. In addition to this, he makes an effort to meet and socialize with her family and friends too. This is an indication that he wants to share his world with her and be part of hers too, which is a very good thing.

Other ways that a man shows interest in a woman involves his behavior in public when they are together. It is a good thing if a man does not have a wondering eye for instance. To show interest in someone means to focus on her and not be looking everywhere; taking in all the sights and making your date feel unimportant. Also if a man holds your hand in public and introduces the woman he is dating as his girlfriend, you can be sure he has interest in her.

Showing consideration and loyalty are very important was to express interest in a woman too. If a woman calls or emails her boyfriend and he replies to her promptly, he respects her and has interest in her. Late or lack of replies to phone calls and emails is not a good sign. Also if a man ever cheats on the woman he is dating, it is a big indication that he is not interested in her as he should be. Also, if a man ever breaks up with a woman, he is obviously showing lack of interest in her. On the other hand, to break up can be the best solution to a relationship that is not working and it can be a positive thing.

Finally, if a woman has a general feeling of happiness about her relationship with the man she is dating, it is a good thing. If a man shows commitment to his girlfriend, spends holidays with her and buys her the occasional flowers, candy and sentimental gift, we can be sure his heart and mind is focused on her. A man who is interested in a woman should give his girlfriend the feeling that he loves her by respecting her and complimenting her sometimes and being there for her if she needs him. Romantic getaways are also a good way to show interest and to share an adventure!

Does the Perfect Man Exist?

Monday, February 26th, 2007

Perfect Man ExistNobody is perfect, but there are certainly some men who are better suited to some women than others. Also, what might seem perfect to one person may not be to another. It all depends on what criteria we assess perfection on. Let’s look at a few areas in which a woman can assess the man she is dating to determine if he is perfect for her or not.

Perfect Man ExistOne of the important things is how your man responds or deals with other women. For instance, if a very attractive woman were to walk by both of you on the street, how would he respond to this? Would he look at her briefly and look away or would he totally check her out and even turn around for a second look after passing by? Maybe your man is focused on you but just appreciates beauty, which is fine if that is all it is. On the other hand, he might just walk by and act as though he didn’t see her at all. This is just something that you may want to think about. Remember looking is not that bad but if it leads to insensitive actions that hurt your relationship and that would not be good. It is a matter or two things in this case, his respect and devotion to you, as his girlfriend and your level of confidence and security in the relationship. It is a delicate balance that brings happiness and contentment with such things.

Another way in which a woman can tell if she is with the perfect man for her is on Valentine’s Day. What does he do to express his love? Does he forget the day and do nothing? Does he go out with his male friends? Does he give you a card or send flowers or does he take you out for a nice romantic dinner for make something nice for you at home? Whatever his ignorant or loving gesture, you need to decide how it makes you feel and ask yourself if he is the perfect man for you or not?

One more area to consider is how your man responds to your conversations with him. Does he listen to what you have to say or ignore or disregard your opinion or feelings? Communication is so important in a relationship. If you can freely talk about anything with your man anytime, you can be sure you are with the perfect man for you. On the other hand, if you he is not receptive to your conversations with him, you may want to move on. Hopefully, you can both communicate freely. This would certainly mean that you have found the perfect man for you.

Do You Need to End a Relationship?

Monday, February 26th, 2007

End a RelationshipAre you debating whether or not you should end your relationship? Dating can be very challenging at times and sometimes a person needs to stop and consider the pros and cons before they can keep going. Let’s look at some of the things a person should evaluate when deciding if they should break up with their boyfriend or girlfriend or not.

End a RelationshipFirst, a person should consider the good and bad things about their relationship. In fact, it would be helpful if they made a list of all the positives and the negatives and see what they come up with. Keep in mind that a decision should not be made strictly on which list is longer, but rather on the most important items in each of these lists. For instance, if there are 3 items in the list of positive things, which mean a lot to you and your happiness, these may be reasons to stay in the relationship. On the other hand, if there are many important items in the list of negatives, where your boyfriend or girlfriend does not meet your expectations, you may want to consider ending the relationship. It is strictly a matter of deciding if you can live happily with the way things that are distributed on your two lists.

It is also important to think about whether or not you can visualize a long-term relationship with the person that you are dating. Can you imagine being with this person that you are dating for a year, five years or perhaps even a lifetime? Maybe you can hardly imagine yourself with your current boyfriend or girlfriend for more than a week, in which case you should end the relationship before things get out of hand and complicated.

Another point to consider is if there is anyone else who you know who you are attracted to more than the person you are dating. If there is someone you would rather be with than your current boyfriend or girlfriend, it is better to end the relationship sooner than later. A yearning to be with someone else is surely a sign that the relationship that you are in is not the one for you. To prevent hurt in this case, you should end your current relationship and pursue that person who you want to date before things go too far. Perhaps it is a friend of yours who you have started seeing in a romantic light and are attracted to. Whatever the case may be, you need to follow your heart and do what is right for you.

When deciding to break up or not is whether or not your boyfriend or girlfriend puts you first. Are you the priority or does someone else or something else comes before you in importance to your partner? If you find yourself last on the list most of the time, you might want to take this as a sign that you should break up and move on with someone who values being with you more.

Finally, trust is a something that you want to consider in determining the destiny of your relationship. Do you trust the person you are dating or not? Perhaps they have given you reasons to distrust them, in which case breaking up may be the answer. In relationships where trust is missing, it is either a sign to move on or try to understand or fix what it is that is causing the distrust. Whatever you decide, you need to be true to yourself.

The Role of Family in a Relationship

Sunday, February 25th, 2007

Family in a RelationshipThey say that if you want to know what a man will be like when he is older, take a look at his father. Also, a girl’s mother is a lot like how her daughter will be. Although, this is not always the way, as sometimes a son is more like his mother, while a daughter can be more like her dad. It all depends on the family dynamics, which are always unique. Family often plays a very important, yet sometimes subliminal role in a couple’s relationship. The role of family in relationships takes many forms.

Family in a RelationshipWhen a child grows up in a family, they develop male and female role models which are often respectively their dad and their mother. A child’s relationship with their parents shapes the potential relationship that they will have with their partner in life. In addition, a man will treat a woman as his dad treated his mom and a woman will only give the type of love that you had received yourself, when growing up. Sometimes, this is not the case as a child can also grow up into an adult whose goal is to be everything his parents were not. The motivations to be a certain way toward other people are often the result of something an adult has experienced as a child. Children are often molded by their parent’s mannerisms, thoughts, beliefs and values in combination with their own.

When in a relationship, it is critical to understand the family network on both the man and the woman’s sides. Family is a very powerful influence in a relationship and should be respected and understood accordingly. It is always a good practice to befriend your partner’s family as much as possible as they will always be part of your lives in different intensities and for various purposes. A successful relationship seems to be a delicate balance between family, friends, work, play and each other.

Finally, family can enrich a couple’s relationship by making it more complete and full of interesting experiences and events. Sometimes it can be boring to just be with yourselves for indefinite periods of time. It is good to inject some variety into the picture with family and friends. Every personality adds a new variable to the relationship picture. Try your best to maintain a powerful personal life in your relationship, while still making time for other important people like family and friends.

How to Build Trust in Your Relationship

Sunday, February 25th, 2007

Trust in Your RelationshipTrust plays a critical role in having a successful relationship. Without trust, a relationship will surely fail. It takes time to build trust in a relationship but only seconds to take it away. There are several things couples can do to build and maintain trust in their relationship.

Trust in Your RelationshipFirst and most importantly, couples need to communicate well with each other. For instance, if a person is going away on a business trip, it is nice to make an effort to call home each night to express that you are thinking about and missing your significant other. This builds trust in the relationship while you are apart and it lets each other know that you value the relationship.

Next, small loving gestures mean a lot in building trust. Let’s say a person is going to be working late and may not get home well into the night. Perhaps when working late, a person can call their loved one and talk for a few minutes, while taking a short break. These kinds of small gestures make couple’s relationships that much stronger. Lack of communication tends to cause people to lose trust.

Trust is also built on being a person of your word. If you say you will do something, you should do it or at least communicate why you can’t do it. Simple communication is so important in maintaining a happy and successful relationship. Write a note, make a call, tell your significant other that you love them. It all counts toward building love and trust.

It is the times when a person does not communicate, which causes relationships to go bad due to distrust. The human mind tends to naturally make up information when there is none. The best solution to distrust and assuming the worst is to simply be a good communicator with your loved one. If you don’t want to communicate openly with your loved one, you should ask yourself why not? On the other hand you may be a great communicator and may be experiencing a very happy relationship full of trust and love.

Finally, trust is a sacred aspect of a relationship and should be treated with respect. If a person loses trust from being hurt in a relationship, it may take a lot of time to overcome that hurt and learn to trust again but it will be worth it. A person should try to not bring past distrust into a new relationship because it is neither fair, nor productive to do so. The key is to focus on your current relationship and treat it as a new opportunity to be trusting and to be trusted. With trust, a relationship can grow into something so amazing!

The Role of Friends in a Loving Relationship

Monday, February 19th, 2007

Friends in a Loving RelationshipHave you ever been down and out and have called on a friend and they were there for you? True friends that help you in your life should not be taken for granted and should be maintained. Just because a person finds the love of their life, does not mean that they have to lose or neglect all their friends. Friends should stay a part of a happy love relationship in various appropriate capacities. Your significant other should meet your friends and know who they are, so that they can continue to be part of your life both individually and as a couple.

Friends in a Loving RelationshipIt is normal for a man and a woman to have friends while in a relationship. In fact, having friends is critical to making a loving relationship work effectively. Without friends, couples rely too heavily on each other for all things and this can cause stress and unhappiness for both of them. Plus your friends feel neglected and hurt by being given the boot. Nobody should expect another person to be everything, as this is simply not fair to either person.

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Friends provide perspectives and insights on things, which help to nurture your love relationship in many ways. Not to say that you should involve your friends in the intimate aspects of your personal love relationship, because you shouldn’t do that. It is important to keep your personal love life personal and between the two of you, as it builds trust and respect in your relationship. Conversations with friends should always be respectful toward your significant other by not disclosing intimate details about personal things. Sometimes men and woman say too much to friends and the love relationship they have loses its intimacy and the relationship may even deteriorate to the point of ending. It is important to be selective as to what you say to who and when.

Finally, love relationships need to have a social outlet to them, which should include occasionally going out with mutual friends, ideally other couples, but not necessarily. Having another couple to do things with, adds a necessary dimension to the love relationship and in fact can make it better balanced and happier.

There is a time and a place for everyone who is important in your life, you just have to manage your time wisely and be fair. Place your priorities where they should be, yet balance the time that you spend with people carefully. It you do this well, everyone will be happy, including yourself.

How do you know if He Really Loves You?

Monday, February 19th, 2007

He Really Loves YouYou can always tell if a man really loves you or not, if you are in tune with him. True love gets expressed in many ways and a woman must be observant of the vibe she gets from the man she is with. A woman can sense things very rapidly. This becomes a communication thing where a man and woman need to be expressive and perceptive, respectively. There are several indications that a man is really in love with you, which will be discussed.

He Really Loves YouPrimarily, how a man treats you in general, says a lot. Is he caring, thoughtful and respectful of you? Does he think of you, when he does something for himself or does he just look after his own needs in your presence? A woman or men for that matter can, rather quickly observe arrogance or ignorance. If a person is self-centered, it is an ugly and obvious observation for someone to make of another person. Nobody wants to be with a person who only things of himself or herself most of the time. In cases like these, people might wonder the purpose of being in a relationship with someone who ignores them or treating them as less important that themselves.

There are some traditionally respectful gestures that a man can make toward a woman, which shows her that he loves her. For instance women love flowers, in particular roses tend to make a big impact, especially red roses of love. Also, chocolates make a big impression on women. Flowers and chocolates are traditionally things, which seem to acknowledge a woman’s feminine side. The other big item men give woman to express their love is jewelry, specifically a ring, which symbolizes commitment to the relationship. A nice dinner out is another expression of love. These are all things that many women look for when determining if a man loves her or not.

Of course, not all men are traditional in the ways that they express their love, and so a person has to look at the different communication styles of men with regard to love. Obviously, there is the physical and sexual side of love and this certainly can express a lot of love too. Very often, sexuality is the focus of a lot of relationships and a person has to decide if they are with the person they want to be with in this regard too.

There are so many variables involved in a woman determining if a man really loves her or not. Sometimes women judge a man’s love by the way he looks at her in a crowded place. Women feel a certain peace when they know that the man in their life loves them and does not want to romantically pursue other woman. Commitment is a big variable in any relationship. People want to know that the person they love and spend time with loves them back to the same intensity. Overall, love is mysterious at times but when it is there, it is very obvious.

Women Tell Lies, Too

Tuesday, February 13th, 2007

Women Tell LiesWith all the talk by women about men who lie, cheat and run around on them, you would think that men were the evil creatures all the time. But, the truth reveals that women tell lies, as well. And, their lies can be very destructive. They may justify it by saying that men are bigger liars. The truth is that women are bigger liars than men; men just tell more lies.

Women Tell LiesBut, with all the dishonesty fed them, why do women lie so much? There are many reasons. Let’s explore them.

Some women lie because, as caring creatures, they want to spare the feelings of the man they are dating or seeing. If a woman thinks a man is unattractive or has bad habits that require her to end dating, she may tell you things that aren’t true to let the man down softly. She may have even found another man to which she is more attracted.

Some women lie out of their own security about their own self-image. If they believe that they are beautiful, successful or smart and you do something to make them look bad (in their own minds), they will often lie because they actually have low self-esteem in that particular area. It is better to tell a lie to keep up her own positive feelings about how the world sees her then to tell the truth. She may even feel the need to publicly humiliate you if, in her own perception, you publicly humiliate her.

And, if you make a negative comment about her weight, God forbid, watch out. Lies will abound and you will probably be the main target of her lies. Because women are forced by our society to always be beautiful and be perceived as beautiful, a woman must always feel beautiful (in the conventional sense) even if she is not. If you destroy this self image, you will commit one of the cardinal sins against a woman.

Another reason a woman might lie is because she has some deep dark secret, or secrets, from her past that she doesn’t want known. She may try to live any lie, or series of lies, to have a man not discover what she is trying to hide. It may be something that is not even her fault, like a date rape or a relationship with an ugly guy. It may also be to protect her past sexual behavior of which she is not proud. It is important to cultivate a relationship that emphasizes open communication about the past so that all the facts are on the table and you can start clean.

Women will often lie about male friends that they have. In the same way that a man may enjoy having female friends, many women enjoy the company of their male friends. These friends may be male co-workers or friends from the past. This is quite normal but concerns a lot of over-protective men. Because of this fact, many women, to avoid a jealous environment, will lie about doing anything with this male friend. She may have lunch with him during the day or a coffee after her evening class. These lies can do a lot of damage if a woman is caught but many women will tell them because they do not want to hurt their partners and they enjoy the company of close friends, male or female.

If you have trust issues in your relationship, in general, a woman may lie to you. Trust is something that you must build from the beginning of the relationship, even when you first begin dating. If she is building the relationship based upon certain untruths, you may be in for a surprise or two as things progress.

Finally, some women are just plain cunning and deceitful. They will lie to manipulate a man, testing him to pass some test she has developed in her own mind. By keeping the upper hand with a battery of lies, she will find out if he is the one she wants. If he isn’t, she can just dump him because the lies create no ties. A man must do all he can to keep his relationship open and honest. But, he must be cognizant that some women are not all that they make themselves to be.

How to Make Love Last

Sunday, February 11th, 2007

Make Love LastRemember that all-encompassing, passionate feeling that you got when you discovered that you were in totally in love? Don’t you wish you could just capture this intense feeling in a bottle and preserve it forever? Well, even though bottling love is not possible, there are several things that a man and a woman can do to nurture and maintain this exciting feeling so that their love lasts.

Make Love LastLove is like a bonfire, that once lite, needs to be maintained to keep it burning in the same intensity in which it started. Love is a unique and magical feeling that once felt, in it’s true and deepest essence, it cannot be forgotten. This in fact is the key to making love last. We must always remember the warmth and passion of this initial flame of love and do our best to keep it burning with an everlasting passion.

When making love last, it is important to stay in touch with all the unique variables that created the time when you first fell in love with the person you are with. Where were you? Was there a certain song playing on the radio at the time? What was your loved one wearing? How did it feel when you and your loved one held hands or kissed? Remember how your first warm embrace together made you feel. Keep your memories of the origin of your love alive on a daily basis. It is these fond memories that enhance the present and make love last.

To love is an attitude of the heart and mind. Love is a constant state of reminiscence. When you look into the eyes of the person you love, you need to remember the beautiful beginnings that you have shared together and respect how these sacred, loving experiences have brought you to the present moment. The present, after all, is the product of past experiences and we should always acknowledge that, as we live in the moment and embrace our relationship we have with love.

If you ever find yourself reflecting on the past, remember that the past is not meant to be changed nor relived but rather serves as a stepping stone which brings us to this moment, a place were we are meant to be. We must feel contentment in the moment and live life to the fullest, embracing the love we are blessed with and doing our best to make it last forever.

Recently, a couple celebrated their 50th Wedding Anniversary. The true secrets to making love last linger often in their hearts and minds, as they look into each other’s eyes and see their love that lasts forever. They remember their love’s beginning and it is these intimate memories that make them smile and feel the warmth of their first passion together all over again.

What Kind of Man Do You Have – How Men View Love

Saturday, February 10th, 2007

How Men View LoveWhen it comes to love, women want to talk about it all the time. In fact, more than talk about it, they want to hear it all the time. Most men, on the other hand, do not want to talk about, or even hear about, it. Why is this? What is it that makes men not want to verbalize love?

How Men View LoveIt seems that most women need to her those magic words, “I love you”. They associate that with the depth and quality of a man’s commitment to a relationship. For many men, they fight love with all their might for a number of reasons. The first reason is that love is something that makes them feel weak and vulnerable to outside attack. This seems to be the predominant fear in the hearts of most males. For other men, there a plethora of other reasons why they fear or avoid love. Men can, in fact, be categorized by how they view love. This is something every woman should know.

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To categorize men, you should ask a few fundamental questions. These questions include: how are when it comes to dealing with your feelings? How do you feel about your self as a man? Do you feel secure when you love? Does love seem to be more of a woman thing than a man thing for you? Would you rather spend a lovely evening with the woman you love or spend an evening out with the boys on the town? Do you express your love daily? Do you think love needs to be said or can it be assumed? Is love one of your chief goals in your life or just a way to sweeten the ride? Will you work to keep love in your life? Does love make you feel like you own a woman? Did you love your father? Do you think you are loved by others? Do you feel women deserve love? Do you feel that you deserve love?

Depending on how the man may answer these questions, this will tell you what manner of man you may be in love with. The different types of men are separated in these fundamental categories: The Explorer, the Dreamer, the Control Freak, the Wiseman, and the Lover.

The Explorer is someone who conquers new horizons on a daily basis. This type of men sees love as some sort of ocean to explore, some sort of country to conquer or some sort of mountain to climb. They thrive at the challenge of being the best at this “task” of love. Like achieving any other goal, they strive to be at the top of their game until they get to their destination. The trouble with these types of men, though, is that once they achieve their goal, it doesn’t take long before they lose the excitement of the striving. The goal is achieved, the woman is won, and now they become bored and want to do it again. Of course, it has to be with a different woman because you wouldn’t try to conquer what has already been conquered.

The Dreamer sees love as the epitome of romance. They want poetry and vivid romantic experiences. They may seem like the ideal man to many women, at least at first. But, with the dreamer, when problems arise, they may not be able to deal with them. They may see these problems as a sign that it is not true love. They may be able to quote lots of Shakespeare but they may not be able to talk seriously about relationship issues. They may also think that love is a feeling and that, if the other person feels it too, there is no need to tell their partner they love them. They should just know by all the poetry, etc. And, if things get too bad for the dreamer, they may just disappear from the relationship.

The Control Freak sees love as a realm of control and they are “freaks” about that. They insist on dominating all areas of the relationship. When their wife or girlfriend fulfills their needs by doing what is expected or asked, they relationship is going as it should. They feel empowered as men. But, if she asks to get her needs fulfilled or is insubordinate in any way, this sort of man feels his masculinity threatened and the quality of the love diminishing. He’ll say things like, “I don’t understand. Why don’t you have my dinner cooked? Why don’t you have my clothes prepared?” For men like this, love is all about owning a woman who will do womanly things for his needs. They fear their partner talking about equality and their rights. This, to them, is a sign that their partner doesn’t love them.

The Deep man believes that all things are connected and are one. He believes that he should love all things and all things equally. This sort of man is good to be with as he strives to get along with other people and may have many positive relationships with others. This, unfortunately, includes other women. This sort of man has trouble keeping his love for just one woman. It just seems so selfish. So, while love may be good, it may not be faithful.

The Lover is the man who truly believes in love. He feels good about who he is and secure with his sexuality and his emotions. He can date and love freely and is not afraid to express his feelings. His love extends to all areas of his life, including his career and his relationship. And, because of their willingness and ability to give love, they accept all the love the woman has to give. This reciprocal love is what all women should look for in a man.

As you can see, there are many types of men in the world. If you are dating a man or are thinking of marrying him, you must ask him these important questions and find out what kind of man he is. Once you know, strive to find the Lover. This is the man you really want to date, fall in love with and marry. This marriage will last and bring you happiness and harmony throughout your life.

Finding Balance in Your Relationship

Saturday, February 10th, 2007

Balance in Your RelationshipDo you ever find it a challenge to keep a happy balance in your relationship? Many couples confront this issue everyday, as they attempt to divide their time and attention to the various aspects of their lives in ways that result in mutual happiness. Several aspects of relationships should be taken into consideration when seeking this satisfying sense of mutual balance.

Balance in Your RelationshipFirst, we need to look at personal happiness before we can even consider mutual happiness. They say we must first feel content and happy in ourselves before we have the capacity to bring happiness and balance to a relationship with another person. Too often people look to their significant other as the primary source of their personal joy and these results in unhappiness. It is neither fair nor realistic to expect the love of our life to be everything and everybody to us. For this reason, it is critical that each person in a relationship has their own sense of self that is independent of each other, yet compliments the other nicely. So basically, people should be personally happy, so that they can bring to a relationship their own personal sense of joy and balance. The greatest levels of happiness and love are best achieved when both people in the relationship are happy in themselves first.

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Next, we need to understand what personal happiness is. Personal happiness is unique to every individual but generally it means to have a certain contentment and peace with yourself. If we don’t first understand and love ourselves, how can we expect another person to understand and love us? To know ourselves and what makes us happy is critical. Consider the variables of family, friends and values as you start your journey of personal discovery. What matters most to you? What are your personal sources of joy in your life?

Each person in a relationship should feel complete and happy as they enter into a relationship your loved one should add to everything that you rather than make you who you are. It should be our goal to make ourselves into something that we love and admire before merging into a relationship with another person. People should be like trees that can freely stand on our own, yet together, make a forest of great beauty, happiness and balance.

As much as it is important to have a certain independent happiness and peace it is also important to recognize and gravitate toward a relationship which motivates both of you to meet your mutual goal of self actualization. For instance if someone is a great source of inspiration to you and motivates you to bloom into your true essence, you should embrace such a nurturing relationship and grow old together in balance and joy. It is important to be with someone who builds you up and makes you happy. A good relationship is one in which each person brings the best out of each other in a natural and effortless way. Keep this in mind as you enter into or continue your current relationship.

Another critical aspect of a having a happy, balanced relationship involves the division between work and personal time. It is important to find and respect that delicate balance between making a living and nurturing one’s relationship. Both are very important, yet neither one should dominate over the other. We need to work to make a living yet love bring meaning to one’s work. Couples should communicate their needs with regard to both work and leisure, so that they can conduct themselves in a way that shows respect to both and results in a productive and happy relationship together.

Finally, stay in tune with the big picture when trying to achieve balance in your relationship. It is so important to communicate your needs, wants and desires on all levels. People have so many dimensions including spiritual, emotional, mental and physical realms. Stay in balance with each other’s values and what matters to each other and you will achieve the balance and love that you always wanted in a relationship. Balance is about compromise, respect and understanding. Balance brings joy, peace and meaning into a relationship. Balance everything that matters and your relationship will thrive and grow into something strong and beautiful!

Male Bonding – Friendships are Important for Men as well as Women

Friday, February 9th, 2007

Male Bonding Friendship is important for men and women. In men, a strange dichotomy exist, however, that can be the source of eternal vexation when women try to figure them out. Men have a strong need to have male friends. They want at least one “good buddy” who relates to them even when they are happily married. The trouble is that, though a few good men have the ability to develop and cultivate deep, meaningful male relationships, most men don’t know how. So, they compensate by evolving relationships around work, sports and the age old game of outdoing each other and bragging at every turn. And, depending on a man’s relationship with his father in the formative years growing up, many men may never be able to move beyond this shallow form of “male bonding”.

Male Bonding One of the biggest factors in a man finding one or more good friends is trust. Many men find it hard to trust one another. Their lives center on competition and, whether they are at work or at play, there seems to be an underlying spirit of “don’t trust anyone; instead, outdo them. You’ll find security in being on top”. Perhaps this stems from our hunter/gather times where the office competition took men out in the field to hunt food. There, every man was your enemy. If you got the game that I was after, me and the family I was providing for might go hungry, or die. The stakes were pretty high. And, it seems that we haven’t lived down that possibly innate need to beat our neighbors. This is one of the factors at the heart of male distrust.

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Personal security also plays a role. Many men, because of their spirit of distrust, possess little personal security. Worse, many are also uncomfortable with their sexuality and so their sexual security is very low. If a man’s wife asks her to carry her purse for a moment while walking in a busy mall, a lot of men would actually say no. Or, they may tell her to set it on a bench and they will “sit” with it. Some might even hide it under a jacket or other item. Another manifestation of this lack of male security is very applicable to the male want for friendship. Men desire close, deep friendships but are insecure about expressing the emotions that accompany those types of relationships. You frequently see women hugging each other, dancing together in public or even touching each other’s hands in public. They will even tell each other how they feel. Most men struggle with this a great deal. 

Men harbor many homophobic feelings that make them think that if they show any sort of emotion towards another man, others will think they are gay. Worse, they may feel gay themselves for engaging in a hug or an emotional gesture towards a man. These are really just psychological fears that are unfounded but such a part of our nature and nurture that they form very powerful and real fears in many men’s minds. So powerful, in fact, that a man may verbally or physically attack a homosexual man in front of his peers to show how “unhomosexual” he is while inside wishing he could express himself with some of the sensitivities of the homosexual man.

Men’s lack of sexual security also causes their relationships with other men to center around verbal insults and other negative commentary as a way to say, “I care” without actually uttering the words or showing the genuine feelings. It is easier for them to maintain the hard, negative edge then to actually expose any kind if genuine compassion.

So, what is the answer? Men need to begin to get more in touch with their genuine emotions. They need to not be afraid to express their want for a male friend or their feelings towards that friend. Women can help in this endeavor by guiding their willing partners down a path of emotional exploration. This can have a powerful effect on not just the man’s growth as a human being but on the quality of the relationship between the man and the woman.